no sleep for me tonight.

[itsonlyinmyhead]

You know, some things i never expect to happen, things that shouldn't happen always seem to happen when I least expect it. Today was a really weird day. I knew that was going happen, I knew it. It makes me a little sick that I know what you've said about me, what your new view of me is and I know you talk shit just like the little shits at

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[un2thedawn]

I saw a friend yesterday that I have always cared deeply about and never done anything to betray that love. I always looked at her with an 'older brother' mentality. Now, in retrospect the 'older brother' mentality probably offended her. All she wanted was a mutual friend.

I remember when I first met her, Red rope hair, cute freckles and always cheery. She became friends with my group of friends. She developed a crush on one of the guys.

I've never really understood this girlie friend of mine. She could always be up and happy, yet so distant and detached.

What happened to the times when Red Devil hung with Kaoss, Trip Drop, The Great Devastator and Mcgarnicle?

Yes, our group of friends split up, and chaos reigned supreme in my life for a while. No more bowling, no more Sunday BBQs or movies in the living room, with 15 people spread over the 2 purple couches. No more coming over and drinking the Mikes Hard Lemonade that I bought.

Yet Kiddo, you still were my friend. Do you remember when we took that trip to the Beach House? How about when we went and visited Paul? When I blew my tire hitting garbage cans?

I remember when I first met you. I remember when we first got high together. I remember the first time I saw you drunk. Remember when Stevo had a crush on you? Remember when I would let you listen to No Doubt in my car, even though everyone else hated it? I can list and list and list the great memories I have of you. The hardest memory of you I have is when you let our friendship go.

Now I'm not home very often, and I'm not in touch with what most my friends are up to. You've heard it all before, you're not a little girl anymore and I won't disrespect that. Hilary, I've never had any words about you that were less than supportive, encouraging, and less than what a good friend would say. Despite what you may have heard. I haven't said anything about you, except asking people what you were up to, since we never talk anymore.

You complain about how shitty your friends are all the time. Why are you pushing away the ones that do care?

I miss hanging out with you and I'm really sad that you feel the way you do about me. Take care kiddo and remember I'll always be here as a friend, even though that's hard to understand.