I've been re-reading some old entries, and comments I made. It's interesting to try to see myself from the outside. I think we all have to have something of a pose when we post publicly online, but I worked so hard on maintaining mine that I never thought about what it looked like from the outside. I think you could tell I was angry. I think it's sort of like I had a double pose - one pose to protect myself, and another pose to hide how angry I was about having to maintain the first pose. I'm not so angry these days, at least.
I do come on too strong, sometimes. I'm aware of that in myself. I think that comes from fear, and trying too hard to cover it up.
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In other news, I wanted talk about why I like Pam from Jessica Jones
What I like about Pam is that she's the naïve secretary and she knows it - but she thinks that knowing she's naïve means she isn't. She thinks she knows that Jeri’s a real shark. That’s why she fell for Jeri, after all. She appears to maintain control in the relationship: When she finds out that the restaurant Jeri is taking her to was the restaurant where Jeri proposed to Wendy, she makes it clear she wants to go elsewhere. She’s the one pushing Jeri to be more badass in dealing with Wendy. She refuses Jeri’s marriage proposal, saying she doesn’t want to get engaged until after the divorce (“I’m Catholic”). When Wendy reveals to Pam in front of Jeri some unscrupulous behavior Jeri had engaged in, Pam pretends that she had known all along, and expresses frustration at Jeri only after Wendy has left for not telling her.
Pam thinks she knows what to expect and what can can handle where Jeri is concerned. But she doesn’t. She is, in fact, the naïve secretary. She is too young. Eventually all these little things build up and there are bigger and bigger things and she has to face the truth: Jeri is not someone she can have a relationship with.
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