Update - If Loving You Is Wrong, I Don't Want To Be Right!
Title: If Loving You Is Wrong, I Don't Want To Be Right
Chapter: Two - From Past To Present - Quileute
Characters/Pairing: Jake/Bella, Quileutes
Rating: M
Notes/Warnings: This story deals with the differences in Jake's and Bella's cultures.
Summary: Jacob Black and the other Quileutes live their lives in La Push and have always been taught to not get involved with those outside of the rez. Jacob, however, is tested when he is reunited with a young woman in Forks, Bella Swan.
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I was extremely fortunate and my story actually won First Place in the contest. Here is my winning banner.
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Previous Chapters: One
Chapter Two
From Past To Present - Quileute
The others had just joined me in the back yard, when I saw Bella trying to get out the backdoor with the tray of sandwiches and three bags of chips. I jogged over and grabbed the door.
"Here, let me get that," I said, taking the tray from her and grabbing the chips from her other hand.
As I took the chips, our hands touched for a few seconds and we both looked at each other. I saw something in her eyes that caught my attention, regardless of my dad’s warning.
"Thanks. I’ll go get the, um, lemonade and some glasses," she said, pointing her thumb over her shoulder back toward the kitchen.
"Okay," I said and watched her walk away, then turned and took the food to the small table outside. "And you all better be on your best behavior. She was nice enough to feed this pack of wolves, so don’t forget to be polite," I whispered, as I sat the food down.
"She can feed me anytime," Quil popped off, and I swear I wanted to stuff my fist down his throat, even if I didn’t know why, yet.
"Here we go. I made this lemonade fresh this morning. I hope you guys like it a bit on the tart, yet sweet side," she said, setting the lemonade down beside the tray, then began pouring the cool yellow liquid into plastic glasses for us.
I heard a few snickers run through the group of mongrels and I almost growled at them, but I think they got the picture by the look on my face. For some reason, I was feeling particularly protective of Bella and her feelings.
"These look great. I’m Quil, by the way," Quil said, offering her his hand as she handed him a glass.
"Oh, nice to meet you and thanks," Bella said, flashing him a bashful smile.
"Yeah, and that is Seth, Paul, Jared, and Embry," I said, pointing out the rest of them, to save on the up close and personal introductions.
When everyone had a glass of lemonade, we all grabbed sandwiches and sat down on the ground in the shade. The sunshine was nice and it was good to be out enjoying it considering it only lasts for a couple of weeks out of the year even in the summer.
Bella joined us and sat close to me, filling in the circle that we had unintentionally formed.
"So, how long do you think it will take to finish the house?" Bella asked as she took a bite of her tuna sandwich.
"We should be finished by the end of the week, or the middle of next week tops," I replied, taking a bite too.
"Oh. Is that all?" she said, and I saw her having trouble swallowing.
"Yeah. With this many hands it won’t take long," Jared said and I saw him elbow Paul and wink in my direction.
"What will you all do the rest of the summer?" Bella asked.
"I’ve got a job to start with my uncle who runs the general store on the rez," Quil said, "then I’m starting some college courses mostly at night in the fall. Jake, Embry, and I will be commuting back and forth to Seattle to the junior college."
"And what about you Seth?" she asked looking at the youngest of our group.
"Oh, I’ll be a junior in high school next year, so I’m just hanging around the rez and helping my sister, Leah and her husband, Sam, work on the house they are building."
"So you’re only sixteen? I could have sworn you were at least nineteen," she said, looking surprised.
He started laughing and shook his head, and the others chuckled but kept quiet letting him answer.
"Yeah, I get that a lot. We all, um, developed pretty fast down on the rez. It’s our clean living that keeps us in such good shape," he said, winking at Bella.
"What about you, Jake? Are you getting a job too?" she asked looking over at me for the first time since she sat down.
"I’m hoping to get on with Daren Shores at Shoreline Automotive here in Forks. I’ve worked for him on a few jobs and he likes what I can do with my hands, so he’s looking at hiring me full time. Then I can go to class at night, like Quil said."
"That’s nice. Do you like working with your hands?" she asked innocently, but the gutter brains that I was associating with today, had other thoughts on their minds entirely, so there were a few choked coughs and someone spit lemonade all over me.
"Hey!" I shouted and looked over at Paul who was wiping the dripping liquid from his chin.
"Sorry man," he said, defensively, "I just hit a sweet and sour spot in my lemonade, like Bella was talking about."
I gave him a ‘go to hell’ look and he smirked and took another sandwich, stuffing his mouth so he wouldn’t say something that might get him killed.
I tried to wipe at the sticky lemonade off, but it was no use. It was all over my chest and stomach.
"Here let me help you with that," Bella offered, getting up and grabbing a paper napkin off the table, and dropping to her knees in front of me.
She started wiping at my chest, I’m sure without even thinking of how it looked, but stopped when there were a few stifled noises behind her. I took the napkin from her hand and tried in vein too, at removing the sugary substance, but it was no use. The paper napkin was tearing off and sticking in spots to my skin.
"I’m sorry. I guess there was too much sugar in it," she said, looking abashed.
"It’s okay. I’ll just wash it off."
I got up and went around the side of the house to the water hose and she got up and ran inside, coming back out with a towel. I bent forward and sprayed the water along my chest. As I stood up it ran down my stomach and I saw Bella’s eyes sparkle as she watched the beads of water run down my skin.
She reached out and started dabbing at my chest with the towel, but looked up at me when I took her hand in mine. That’s when I first realized that we had a connection. Our eyes met and I pressed her hand closer to my chest as I held it with the towel still in her hand.
I knew that letting myself feel this way, or anyway toward her was going to cause trouble, but I was drawn to her and felt something that I’ve never felt around other girls. But I woke up and took the towel from her hand, stepping back a few inches, when I saw Embry round the corner of the house.
"Thanks. I’ve got it washed off now. And thanks for the food and lemonade. It was really good."
"Um, you’re welcome. You better get a couple more though. You only had one," she said, quietly.
I shook my head in agreement and we walked back to where the others were still lounging on the ground and smiling at me. But they knew my position. It was the same as theirs. It’s what had been mandated to us all and even though I didn’t like it, I had to adhere to what was expected of us.
We finished eating and Bella took the food tray, lemonade, and table back inside, after everyone thanked her for her generosity. As we went back to work, I couldn’t help but think about her soft skin and those beautiful brown eyes that seemed to be drawn to me too.
I indulged myself with my thoughts the rest of the afternoon, because I knew that when the night came and I had to join minds with the others, I would have to hide what I was thinking.
The day went by fast, and we had one side completely painted by the end of the day. Bella hadn’t come out to check on us anymore, and I wondered if she sensed my sudden withdrawal from her attention when she was drying me off. That in itself made me feel disappointed, even if I knew that’s the way it had to be.
We were just folding the heavy tarps up and picking up our supplies, when I heard a noise on the back porch. I saw her step out of sight and back into the house. My heart felt like it was being squeezed in a vice right then thinking I had hurt her feelings.
I picked up the paint brushes and buckets taking them inside to leave on the back porch. I wiped my hands on a rag and stuck my head inside of the house.
"Bella," I called.
She quickly came down the hall looking at me like a little girl who had been scolded. The look in her eyes made me feel bad.
"Yes," she said, softly.
"I just wanted to tell you we were finished for the day. We’ll be back in the morning about the same time. Oh, and thanks again for lunch today."
"You’re welcome. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then," she said, offering a weak smile.
"Sure, sure, we’ll be back. Have a good night," I said, as I hesitantly started walking backwards still looking at her, until I ran into the side of the screen door, then I turned around and left.
The others were already in the truck, so I climbed into the back and sat down by Embry. I slumped against the bed of the truck as Paul backed out and headed for home. Embry knew I was having a hard time with the situation. He was the only one of the pack that you could talk to about emotional things.
"I saw the way she was looking at you," he said quietly.
"Yeah, I know."
"I saw the way you were looking at her too."
"It was nothing," I countered.
He let that part drop, but continued, "It sucks sometimes being in a class of people sort of isolated from the rest of the world. Doesn’t it?"
"Yeah, it sure as hell does," I replied, gritting my teeth as I thought about how that made me feel.
We rode the remainder of the way home in silence and Paul dropped me off first. I told the others goodbye and that I would see them in the morning then watched them drive away.
It had been a long day and I was ready for dinner, then I wanted to go for a run. I hoped that I might be able to get out early, so I wouldn’t have to share the wolf airwaves with anyone else for a while.
"How was your first day?" my dad asked as I came into the house.
"Good. We got a lot accomplished," I said, going to wash my hands so I could help with dinner.
"You don’t look too happy about it."
"Yeah, well. It went fine," I said, as I walked past him trying to keep my emotions in check so he wouldn’t start asking me questions. "What’s for dinner? I’m starving."
"I thought we would go into Forks and have dinner at the diner. I wanted to celebrate your graduation. What do you say?"
"Okay. We haven’t eaten at the diner in a long time. I wonder if they still have those homemade onion rings?"
"I don’t know, but let’s go find out. You bring the car around and I’ll meet you out front."
I was glad for the chance to escape for a few minutes, so I could put my happy face on and try to keep my dad off my back. I pulled the car around and helped him inside, then rolled the window down as I turned toward Forks.
He tried to start up a couple of conversations, but I just couldn’t bring myself to join in much. When we got to Forks, I pulled up at the diner and helped get my dad out, then pushed him inside. We were looking around for a table that would accommodate my dad’s wheelchair, when I heard someone call his name.
We looked over in the corner and saw Charlie and Bella Swan. It looked like they had just gotten there too. Charlie came over and asked us if we would like to join them saying something about him and my dad needing to catch up on things. My dad agreed and as I pushed him toward the table, I saw Bella smile nervously at me.
"Hey Bella. Long time no see," I said, smiling back at her.
"I didn’t expect to see you guys here. Hello Mr. Black. How have you been? It’s been years since I saw you last," Bella said, offering her hand to my dad in a cordial manner.
"It has been a long time. My, my, my how you have grown. Stand up and let’s have a look at you," he said, in that way that older people do to younger people that is so embarrassing.
But she was polite and stood up, turning around as he held her hand. I smiled as I watched her face turn a vibrant shade of crimson before she sat back down and enjoyed getting to look at her myself without feeling guilty.
"So what brings you two to Forks tonight?" Charlie asked, handing us both a menu.
"My dad wanted to celebrate my graduation," I offered.
"We had a get together for all of the boys who graduated last night on the reservation, but I wanted to do something special for him because I’m proud of his accomplishment," my dad said, patting me on the back.
Okay, now it was my turn to feel awkward, so I just looked down at my menu and tried to ignore him. He and Charlie started talking as they looked over the menu and picked out what they wanted. I was still studying mine, when I had the feeling I was being watched. I looked up over the top of my menu and found Bella watching me intently, but when I saw her, she looked away, turning her attention to her own menu.
The waitress came and asked for our orders and we all told her what we wanted. That left us all alone to talk while we waited on dinner. It was hard to talk across the table when my dad and Charlie were having the time of their lives, so Bella and I just sat there sort of looking at each other and playing with sweet and low packets in the center of the table.
When Charlie realized we weren’t able to talk much, he offered to trade places with me, so I would lean closer to Bella at the edge of the table. As I sat down, I hit Bella’s knee with my own.
"Ouch," she exclaimed, and out of instinct I reached under the table and patted her knee with my hand, but before I realized what I had done and could pull my hand away, she placed her small hand on mine and said, "It’s okay."
I looked up at her and felt a chill move over me from my head all the way to my toes. I’ve dated other girls before, but I’ve never felt the way Bella makes me feel. So, I didn’t pull my hand away. I sat there foolishly letting her touch my hand under the table, knowing this would only make things worse later on, but right then, I didn’t think I could let her hand go, even if my dad saw the exchange and told us to stop.
We talked about our former schools and who we knew here in Forks. She told me that she still liked to read and that she was hoping to go into teaching when she graduated. But when she told me that she had always wanted to teach at the school on the reservation, ever since she was a little girl, I almost swallowed my straw.
"Son, are you okay?" my dad asked, and Charlie gave me a swift pat on the back.
"Yes. I’m fine," I choked out, turning my attention back toward Bella.
"So what makes you want to teach there?" I asked out of genuine interest.
"I don’t know. I just remembered you saying that your teachers seemed like they didn’t care when you were in school and that they were just there to get a paycheck and that always stuck with me. I think I could offer the children at the reservation school more than just my services on a day to day basis. I want to make a difference," she said, looking at me with those eyes and my heart almost melted right there.
How could someone from a completely different culture and ethnic background have so much compassion for my people, I wondered? But I could see it in her eyes. Her sincerity and determination to make things better and the idea that she was willing to offer not only herself but the knowledge she will be learning to others, made me like her even more.
She told me that she had already completed two years of college and wanted to come back here to finish up so she would be close to the reservation and start meeting the people in hopes that when she got her teaching degree, she might have a better chance of being hired.
I was amazed. She had been influenced by me when we were children enough to want to come back here and make a change-a difference in the way things were.
Our food came, so I slowly pulled my hand away from hers and I looked at the small salad Bella had ordered, in comparison to my large steak, mashed potatoes, corn, and pile of onion rings. She just smiled and shook her head.
"What? I worked hard today," I said in my own defense, laughing quietly.
"I know you did. But I guess my sandwiches didn’t go very far."
We laughed and both started eating. Our dads asked us both a few questions during the course of the meal and I put a few onion rings on a small plate and offered them to Bella. She smiled and took them, saying she had never had their onion rings before. She liked them, so that meant we had something else in common.
But I tried to tell myself that it didn’t matter if we were the most compatible couple in the universe, it still couldn’t happen. That’s when I got quiet and just ate, not looking back up at her again.
When we had finished eating, I helped my dad move away from the table as he told Charlie and Bella goodbye and that he had enjoyed the visit. I told Bella goodnight and that I would see her tomorrow, but I saw the disappointment in her eyes when I left. She knew that things probably wouldn’t be that much different tomorrow.
That night, after we got back to the reservation, I helped my dad inside and ran into the woods near my house and phased hoping I would have some time to be alone while I was running so I could think things over. I got lucky and was able to run for a while without being eavesdropped on.
I sprinted fast through the trees, over logs, and through the underbrush of the forest, until I came to the cliffs that overlook the beach. I stopped and sat down on my haunches, looking out at the moonlight dancing on the waves. I took a deep breath pulling the briny night air deep into my lungs, wishing that life was as easy as breathing. You take something in, it fills you with a life-sustaining element then you let it out giving something back.
That’s the way it should be with someone you love. You take the love they have to offer you keeping what you need inside, then give back by offering the love you have to that someone in return.
The air-the oxygen doesn’t choose who it goes to, it supplies us all equally no matter who we are, what color our skin is, or where we come from. It’s there, free for the taking by the Quileutes and the white people just the same.
So, why do we have to have the differences between us? Bella is a truly caring person. She’s everything a man could want. She’s beautiful, conservative, funny to watch when she gets all flustered, headstrong, and sweet spirited. And she seems to really like me.
But none of that matters according to the expectations I’m governed by and that made me furious. A person shouldn’t be judged by the color of their skin or the location in which they live. They should be measured by their hearts and how much they care for others.
I lowered my head in defeat, as I realized that I was outnumbered on this one. I’ve always been expected to carry the burden that my ancestors bore by marrying a Quileute woman and having children who would continue our lineage for generations to come.
It was my duty to fulfill this destiny and to one day become the leader of my people here on the reservation. But those are tall orders to fill when you haven’t found anyone you even are remotely interested in on the whole reservation.