FINDING THE LIGHT!
Title: Finding The Light
Chapter: Sixteen - You Have To Tell Her
Pairing: Jake/Bella
Rating: PG-13
Notes: SMeyer ownes the characters, I just borrowed them.
Summary: This story follows somewhat along with canon in the beginning, but then you'll see Bella really find Jake and want to be with him, not for the fulfilment of her Edward illusions, but because she wants to be with him, for him. It is a natural progression of friendship that turns to something much more.
Previous Chapters (One), (Two), (Three), (Four), (Five), (Six), (Seven), (Eight), (Nine), (Ten), (Eleven), (Twelve), (Thirteen), (Fourteen), and (Fifteen)
GUESS WHAT GUYS!! I WON 5TH PLACE IN THE SOB WIP AWARDS!! THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO VOTED FOR ME!!
**********************************
Don’t forget that this story has also been nominated for Best Jacob Category in the 2009 Twilight Awards and you can vote at http://forum.fanfiction.net/forum/CuriosityKilled_The_Cat/69076/ . Thanks again for reading my story and I would appreciate your vote.
***********************************
Chapter Sixteen
You Have To Tell Her
Jake’s POV
It was just before eleven o’clock when I heard Charlie drive up outside. I knew I had overstayed my welcome and had to get out of Bella’s room before he caught me there. I didn’t want to leave her. She looked so peaceful lying next to me and even though she had been asleep, I felt so close to her, so it was hard to pry myself away.
I got up and bent down placing a soft kiss on her forehead before making my way to the window. I climbed out onto the eave, closed the window behind me, and jumped stealthy to the ground. I heard her bedroom door open and saw her light go out, so I assumed Charlie must have been checking on her.
As I ran into the woods, I wondered what had Charlie out so late. He normally was home much earlier. Then I remembered what Bella had told me tonight and I started to worry that maybe he was working on something that might soon involve the pack.
I phased and picked up my speed as I raced toward La Push. I could feel Sam and someone else. My guess was that it was Quil and I was right. I focused on what they were thinking and it was basically Sam giving him the drill about how to act and what to do. Then Sam’s presence faded and it was just me and Quil, which was okay, but when Quil realized I was present he started to show me images of him and Bella together.
I’m not sure he was doing this on purpose, but it almost made me crazy. I could see him holding her while she cried because of me. I saw him stroking her hair and whispering reassurances to her and I began to see red.
"Turn it off, Quil," I thought vehemently.
"No! Hell no! I’m not going to turn it off. You need to know this."
"I’m almost there and then we’ll see what I need to know," I said, growling and letting it erupt into an all out howl as I ran through the night.
It had been bad enough for me to know that he was the one who was there for her when I wasn’t. The day she drove by and saw me at my house but just kept going, had almost killed me. I knew she was running straight for Quil, my best friend, and there wasn’t a darn thing I could do about it, except lurk around and wait.
I knew Bella had said they were just friends and I wanted to believe that was the case for Quil, but I knew him. I knew he was always after the girls and I didn’t want him to be after mine.
When I came closer, Quil greeted me with a firm stance, feet spread apart, head slightly raised, and teeth bared. I took the same stance and we squared off. I was getting my message across to him, one way or another.
"I don’t know what you are trying to prove, but you know good and well that I’ll fight for her," I said, growling at him.
"Good. I’m glad you would. That’s the way it should be when you love someone. But I saw it in your eyes today. I saw the fear when I phased. Why Jake? Why have you kept all of this from her? She’s a good person Jake and she deserves better than this. She has to know. Sam, and all of you have been wrong to keep this from us. You saw how much Bella helped me today. She could have helped you too."
I knew he was right about the fear, about Sam, about everything, but it was too late now and I couldn’t change the past. I let my thoughts slip and become exposed to him as I remembered lying on the ground crying, mourning what I thought was lost with Bella, and Quil saw it all.
"It wasn’t right to have to go through something like this alone, even if you did have your brothers to join you later. There was that brief time when you needed to know you were still human, to have that contact and connection. That’s what Bella gave me and I focused on that, on her touch and her tears and she kept me from losing it Jake."
"I know. I saw it, I felt it, and I wanted that for myself, but it was too late."
"Yeah it is for the phasing, but Jake, I saw your reaction when you thought I had imprinted on her too. What are you going to do? You realized that it’s not only you who is in danger of imprinting on someone, but that one of us, maybe the next to phase, may.....imprint on her. I’ve felt the imprint through Sam and I know how strong it is, but I also know how his heart feels and what it did to him, not to mention what it did to Leah. When you love someone, as much as you and Bella love each other, I’m not sure if you imprinted, or one of us imprinted on her, that either of you would ever survive without your heart slowly withering from the inside out."
"I know. I had been so worried about me imprinting, that I never thought about Bella and one of the others or you until today. It was bad enough, me just knowing you were close friends with her. I think I would go mad if I knew one of my brothers was taking her away from me."
"And what do you think it would do to her? It would kill her if you found someone else Jake."
We both eased our stance and I sat down on my haunches, suddenly feeling drained. Quil was right in everything he was saying. It hurt like hell thinking that I might destroy Bella if something happened and I found her, my imprint. I didn’t want that and I knew, deep inside of me that I would fight it no matter what. I wouldn’t tell anyone if it were to happen and I would love her twice as much to compensate for my secret.
Then I thought about how it would feel to possibly see one of the others, Embry, or maybe someone who hadn’t phased yet, look into Bella’s eyes and in that moment pull her away from me. I’d never be able to be around them again. I don’t care how sacred imprinting is for our kind. Just the thought of either scenario made my heart ache.
"I don’t know what to do, Quil. She and I were at a place that I’ve always dreamed of and she trusts me, or she did, not to hurt her. I can’t let it happen. And now, she has no idea what being around us could possibly do to her. Sam knew this all the time. That’s why he wanted to keep her away from me and from La Push. He didn’t want her to be devastated by this crap."
Quil plopped down on the ground beside me and looked up at me with worried eyes, "Yeah, it sucks to think he was just trying to protect her, even if he did it the wrong way. But, you know what Jake? Just like Bella and I didn’t give up on figuring this out, maybe there’s a way to prevent it. The book! That book she has about the Quileutes, maybe there’s an answer in there."
He had a point. If it had helped them, then maybe it would help me find out a way around this curse, if you will.
"I’m glad you’re finally with us Quil. I’ve missed the way things were. Have you talked Embry?"
"Yeah, he helped me earlier and I’m going to patrol with him tonight, you know he’s going to teach me the ropes," Quil thought and rolled his eyes as he let out a throaty laugh that sounded like a sick bark.
"Well, I’m going home to get some sleep. I’m beat. I’ll see you tomorrow and maybe you’re right. Maybe there is something that Bella and I can do."
"Yeah, but the first thing you have to do Jake is tell her everything. I know she’ll be worried and probably upset, for a while at least, but she has to know. And if you don’t tell her, I will," Quil said, before getting to his feet.
I just nodded my head, got up and started back toward my house. He was right again, I had to tell Bella the one thing that remained between us. The one thing I had been withholding from her and hope that she understood and had as much interest in helping me look for an out to imprinting, as she did in helping Quil through his phasing.
When I got home, I went straight to the bathroom, took a shower, got out and brushed my teeth, then went to my room and fell across the bed. I lay there for a few moments thinking about how good it had felt the last few days to be with Bella some and I made a silent promise to myself and to her that I would fight imprinting until the day I died, so that only left one problem, how to keep one of the others from imprinting on Bella. I would have to face that problem tomorrow, now, but I needed sleep.
The next morning, I was pulled from my sleep by the sound of my dad calling my name, "Jake. Jake. Get up," he said, hitting me on the foot that was hanging off of the bed.
"Where’s the fire?" I asked, throwing my arm over my face to shield it from the early morning sunlight.
"Come on, get up. Sam called and he wants you to meet him and Quil at the cliffs. He said something about the three of you running up to the Canadian boarder this morning. If you want to eat before you leave you better hall your butt up out of bed."
"Yeah, yeah, I’m coming. I’ll be glad to go back to school next week," I grumbled as I threw the sheet back and swung my legs over the side of the bed.
I sat there for a few minutes, rubbing my eyes before I finally got up and went to the bathroom. After I brushed my teeth, I pulled on my pair of cut off sweat pants, and went toward the smell of food.
My dad had a plate of bacon, three fried eggs and a pan of biscuits setting in front of my usual place at the table.
"You’d think there were three of me?" I said, as I sat down at the table.
"Well, you’ve been eating like there were three of you in case you haven’t noticed," he said, laughing as he wheeled over to the table with his modest plate of food. "Besides, I didn’t know when you might get to eat again, so I wanted you to be fueled and ready to go for the day. It’ll be a long trip to the boarder."
"Yeah, you’re probably right," I agreed as I started eating.
I hadn’t realized how hungry I was until I had the first two eggs down and was working on the third. The biscuits were still hot, so I got up and grabbed the jar of jam from the refrigerator, and sat back down. Hot biscuits with strawberry jam were one of my favorite foods.
"Jake, I want to talk to you about Bella. You know yesterday was the first time she’s been around here since you began phasing. I’ve missed her and Charlie and I know you have too. I want you to lay your cards on the table and tell me how you feel about her and how she feels about you?"
"Why? You haven’t wanted to know since all this crap started." I said flatly, putting a spoonful of jam on my biscuit.
"Jake, I told Bella she and Charlie were always welcome here when the incident happened with Sam and I meant that. I need to know how you feel."
"I love her dad, and she loves me. But it’s not that simple anymore," I said, staring at my plate and remembering my talk with Quil last night.
"No son it’s not that simple anymore, but I don’t want you or her to give up on what you feel for each other. I want you to be happy. Jake, you deserve it. I know things haven’t always been easy around here, but you’ve never complained. You and Bella deserve a shot at a normal life."
"Well, normal and life don’t go hand and hand any more are far as I’m concerned. Now do they?" I asked looking over at him.
"There are things we can do to help remedy that and the first thing is I’m inviting Charlie and Bella over for dinner tomorrow night. The second is, I"m having a talk with Sam. Bella said something yesterday that struck a cord with me and I think she’s right. She knows everything now, of her own accord, and she’s safe here so it’s time we brought this family back together. You need that support too."
"That’s great dad. I’d love to see them. I’d love to just spend some time with Bella, like....like we used to. But you’re forgetting one detail that can’t be overlooked. Imprinting."
"I know. Have you talked with her about it yet?"
"No. I don’t even know where to begin. She and I are just now moving toward being close again, she’s starting to trust me again, and now I have to tell her, ‘oh Bella, by the way, I may see some girl someday that I can’t stay away from. It will be stronger than anything you and I have ever had and I’ll be sucked into her world like it was a black hole. And, by the way, um, the same thing may happen to you with one of the other wolves. So, to be on the safe side, don’t look any of them in the eye.’ Yeah, that talk is going to go over like a lead balloon."
I had suddenly lost my appetite. I pushed my plate away and put my head in my hands, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, then letting it out in a sigh. I felt my dad reach over and touch me on the hand.
"Jake, your grandfather used to always say, ‘where there’s a will there’s a way,’ and I’m a firm believer in that saying. We’ll take this one step at a time and try to find a way. I’m going to go see Quil, Sr., today. He’ll have as much information as anyone about the legends."
"I’m not sure you should talk to him, dad," I said, looking up at him.
"You know how Sam has been trying to keep me and Bella apart, don’t the rest of them, the elders think the same thing?"
"Son, we were all young once and we’ve all loved. It’s not always about the forces at be; sometimes it’s about the affairs of the heart. We’ll find a way."
"Thanks dad," I said, looking back at my plate.
"Go ahead and eat it. You may not get another chance to eat until tonight."
I knew he was right, so I ate the rest of my food and quickly washed the dishes, so my dad wouldn’t have to, before I left.
"Thanks for the breakfast dad," I said, as I patted him on the shoulder.
"You’re welcome. You guys be careful out there today and enjoy running and being free. And while you’re at it, jump a few logs for me," he said, laughing and rubbing one of his withered legs.
"Hey, don’t talk like that. You know you can out wheel me any day," I said, trying to turn what he had said around.
"Get out of here before I run over your foot," he said laughing.
So I left, closing the door behind me as I stepped off the porch into the misty morning air. It was cool, but it didn’t bother me. That was one of the things I did like about being a wolf, the dispensed necessity for wearing heaving clothing.
I pulled my shorts off, fastening them to the leather cord on my leg, stretched, and let the heat consume me, as I once again became the russet wolf.
Turning toward the cliffs, I picked up on Sam’s connection, but Quil hadn’t phased yet.
"Where’s Quil?" I inquired.
"He’s coming out now. We’ll be there in a few minutes."
As I ran, I wanted to think things over, but I didn’t want Sam in my head just yet. So I just thought about how much I loved Bella, concentrated on how beautiful she was, remembered all of the times she had smiled at me and all of the carefree times we had shared before I started phasing. I was hoping these thoughts might help to prove my case when it came time to confront Sam.
I had been waiting on Sam and Quil for at least ten minutes when they finally arrived. I had sat down on my haunches and was watching the ocean spray dance along the cliff face from where I was securely secluded amongst the trees that lined the cliffs.
"Good of you to join me," I thought sarcastically and let out a throaty bark.
"Yeah, well, Quil couldn’t get it together this morning. Jake, I wanted you to go along with us today. It will be just me and Quil next week when you go back to school. I know you have already learned a few moves and wanted you to help Quil learn them too. Quil, Jake has already mastered phasing and can phase on the fly. That will be handy if something crazy goes down and you need to phase immediately. We’re going to run up toward the Canadian boarder and trail it for a while then come back down. I also wanted to hunt on this trip. We never know when we might get separated and need to find our own food."
Quil squirmed visibly at the thought of eating wild game and I had to admit, I happened to be rather fond of my food cooked and on a plate too. But, I guess Sam was right. You never know when certain survival skills would be necessary. After all, we were created to battle against the cold ones and we all knew they existed. What we didn’t know is when they would come snooping around the rez, so we had to always be ready.
We fell into formation and began weaving our way north, running fast and hard just to exercise our muscles, staying in the thick foliage, masking ourselves amongst the trees. When we came to spot that was questionable, not wanting to get anywhere near the civilized areas, we would go one at a time, single file, until the greenery thickened up again.
The time passed quickly and not much was communicated between us, we just let the wolf take control and ran. I was thankful that Quil had apparently mastered the ability to keep his thoughts sealed. I wasn’t ready to confront Sam, just yet, about Bella. I wanted a little time to try and figure things out on my own and to see what my dad found out.
When we neared the boarder, Sam slowed, so we too fell back until we were at a standstill, all of us catching our breath at a cool, crisp stream that flowed from a nearby river.
"Well, distance doesn’t seem to be an issue for either of you. You both did a great job. Now on our way back home, we are going to fan out, heading west and do some tracking and probably try and find a herd of deer. Quil, I know you’re getting hungry, that’s all you’ve been thinking about."
"No, I’m not. I haven’t even noticed," Quil thought defensively as he aversion to raw meat popped into his mind.
"Come on let’s get going," Sam ordered, so we fanned out, a span of about a mile apart and started weaving our way back toward La Push.
We hadn’t gone five miles when I ran through a trail that I hadn’t ever smelled before. It crawled along lazily on the ground like those warm air currents in the summer that give you chills in the night air when they tickle your bare feet, but unlike the fresh night air, this scent was repulsive to my senses and I think I even gagged.
"Jake, what is it?" Sam inquired immediately.
"I think I’ve picked up the trail of a....of a vampire, Sam," I replied somewhat in shock.
I had been fortunate, so far, to not have encountered any. I hadn’t even gone near the Cullen’s old place yet, Sam had wanted me to wait a while. But this smell, made me have feelings and sensations that I’d never known before.
I felt protective of my people and my land, even though we were still miles away. I worried about Billy, and Bella and Charlie. Thoughts and feelings came rushing at me, but were quashed by the desire to hunt down and destroy the source of this wretched scent.
Quil and Sam joined me within minutes and Sam told Quil to take up the trail too, he wanted him to familiarize himself with the scent. This was something that we would never forget, once we had been exposed to it.
All three of us picked up the trail and started running with it, noses to the ground, ears perked and alert, but the trail ended abruptly at the river.
"It must have followed the river down, maybe even swam. We’ll stay close to the water and see if we can pick it up again," Sam said, as we began running at a steady speed back toward La Push.
"I don’t think we’re going to pick it back up. I can’t see it having swam this far," I commented after about ten miles of searching.
"Yeah, you’re probably right, Jake. I bet it came out on the other side. I just hope it stays away from the reservation," Sam replied.
"Sam, Charlie was out until late last night on something he wouldn’t tell Bella about. He just said some strange things. Do you think it could have been....."
"Interesting. I’ll see what I can find out and be sure and tell me if you hear anything else," he replied.
We had gone another five miles or so when we came to a clearing and I picked up the scent of deer and a lot of them.
"Is anyone hungry?" I asked, as I crouched down low and crept up toward the herd.
"Let’s see what you’ve got," Quil thought with a slight hint of sarcasm.
"Are you getting your own, or are you going to share mine?" I thought back and he was beside me instantly.
"My own, thank you very much," he replied, just as he sprang forward from our hiding place and started after a large buck.
I zeroed my sights on one too and the chase was on, but it didn’t last long. We were no match for the animals and both Quil and I took ours down at the same time. Sam followed and got a smaller doe, then we all ate until we couldn’t hold another bite. I only caught a few thoughts of disgust from Quil as he finished his off. I guess he had decided that if worse came to worse, this was better than starting, just like I had.
"Well, I guess today was a success. I just wish we could have taken the bloodsucker down," Sam said, as we finished and began running back home.
"Yeah, so do we," I said, trying not to think about the dangers that were still out there.
When we got back to La Push, it was three o’clock, so I took a quick shower, changed clothes, and got cleaned up.
"How did it go today?" my dad asked, as I emerged from the bathroom.
"We did good. We all hunted and ran across a trail. I’m worried that there’s one out there working its way here," I told him.
"Well, I know you and the others will take care of it before that happens, so try not to worry about it, Jake," he said, sensing my distress.
"Yeah, sure, sure. I’m going to go see Bella," I said, picking up my car keys.
I didn’t figure he would say too much to me about driving after all that had been going on, that was the least of his worries.
"Are you going to tell her today?"
"No. I wanted to wait until they came over for dinner. I’ve got......I’ve got a few things I want to check out first."
"Well, I’m on my way to see Quil, Sr., now. We can talk tonight when you get back home. I called Charlie at the station and invited them over tomorrow. He said they would be glad to come, so tell Bella for me."
"Okay, dad. Thanks," I said, as I walked out and closed the door.
I pulled into Bella’s driveway and was glad she wasn’t there yet. I wanted it to be a surprise that I was there. So I climbed out and leaned against the hood of the Rabbit waiting. When she rounded the corner and saw me, she had the biggest smile on her face. I was glad to see her smiling, but I also had a pang go through my heart because of what I still hadn’t told her.
She parked her truck and before she could climb out, I was at her door opening it, pulling her of the truck and into my arms.
"How’s my baby doing today?" I asked, as I nestled my face into her hair.
"Oh, she’s running okay today, even if she lost her mechanic," she said, pulling away slightly to look up at me.
"She never lost him. He’s just had a lot on his plate, but hopefully that is going to start balancing out," I said, as moved closer and let my lips barely touch hers.
"So, do you want to come in?"
"I thought you’d never ask," I said, taking her backpack and placing it on my shoulder and holding her hand in mine as we walked up the steps and into the house.
"I’m glad you’re here Jake," she said, looking down at our hands intertwined, "Even if it isn’t your little Taj Mahal, I’m glad you’re here with me."
"I miss those days too, Bells. I wish more than.....more than anything that we could go back to that time, but we can’t."
I saw a tear slip down her pale cheek and took my finger and wiped it away. As I looked at her, knowing she was melancholy I felt even worse for what I would be telling her tomorrow night. But I wouldn’t let it show now. I wanted to be with her and look through the book with her, maybe I could find something before she came to my house.
"But," she said, wiping her eyes and putting on a smile, "We’re just sort of starting over, you know. We will just make new memories, Jake. Right?"
"You bet we will," I said, kissing her on the forehead, "And we’ll start by having you and Charlie over to my house tomorrow night for dinner. And, I’m also hoping I can find someone to help me get caught up on my lessons next week when I go back to school," I said, ducking my head to look her in the eyes.
"Oh, so you come around groveling, offering a girl dinner at the finest establishment in La Push and you think she’s going to fall for the ‘need help with my homework’ routine?"
I couldn’t help but laugh. I suppose it did sound lame the way I phrased it, but I knew I’d need her help, well not so much need, as wanted an excuse to be with her every night next week.
"Okay, so you’ve busted me, but you can’t say I didn’t try to put the moves on you," I said, inching closer to her.
"What? Jacob Black putting the moves on me? You’ll have to catch me first," she said suddenly and started running toward the staircase.
I was afraid she might fall if I chased her too hard, so I let her get a good safe head start, but still managed to make it to her room quickly, just as she fell back onto the bed. Her hair splayed out around her head and her laughter was shaking the bed. She looked so beautiful and happy now and I wanted to be a part of that.
I lay down on the bed beside her and ran my hand over her cheek, then I bent down to kiss her, turning her laughter into a soft whimper. The kiss was playful at first, but soon turned into a kiss of wanting, of wanting to be there for each other and take all of the things away that had caused us to be apart. Those few moments that passed had us both lost in the same world together.
Pulling away, not because I wanted to, but because I wanted to look for answers in the Quileute book, I sat up looking down at her, smoothing her hair out on the bed.
"So, does this mean you’ll help me, even if I was putting the moves on you, as you put it?"
"You know I’ll help you with anything, Jake. I’ll be there for you, all you have to do is ask," she said, coming up to meet me.
I reached over and picked the book up off the night stand and opened it. I only hoped there was something, anything that would give me a clue as to what I could do to dispel the imprinting, before it was too late.