argh.
i fucking hate that everything is incurable. i hate that i live amongst people that don't ask and just take. i hate that you can be so fucking selfish and not even realize it. i hate that i care about the things i do. i hate that i'm not allowed to be doing anything else on the weekend without catching so much shit for it. i hate that i can't just get away with being me. i hate that i haven't got any fucking friends. i hate that i have such a hard time liking anybody. i hate that i've been running on a total of 14 hours of sleep for the past three days. i hate that there's no way to keep things perfect. i hate knowing that sometimes things fall apart without anyone ever noticing. i hate that i'm affected by anything. i hate that this is what everything amounts to. i hate that im 16. i hate that i'm practically starving myself. i hate that tv is worthless. i hate that when i speak nobody ever really listens. i hate that i could do better for myself than anybody else could ever do for me, i hate that this is what the world is about.
there's no denying the fact that i'm pissed, and that i'd really rather you not go. and there's no way i'm going to let it all pass by without me saying a fucking word about it. i just hate that everything isn't really about me, and i'm responsible for making it that way. i really should let things turn around, let the water slide down my back and say 'fuck it, have fun', but even that isn't possible without a heavy dose of sarcasm added in.
i've thought about how things would be if i never had anyone. lying there on my back knowing that who will come through the door at the end of the day is no one, because nobody is welcomed. i've thought about the desolation, the self absorbtion, the lonliness that would be. when it all boils down it turns out that things are better than that, and that even if i think for a second that they aren't, i'm wrong, and proven so rather quickly.
but don't say a word when i make my plans and they're those sacred days, don't protest for a fucking second, because i'll be like a firecracker and i'll end up staying for much longer than i had even planned.
sometimes i should just go away by myself and watch tv through other peoples windows as i pass by. and leave it at that. a state of constant motion.
theres so much to do and i really hate that i havent done it all already.
there's no denying the fact that i'm pissed, and that i'd really rather you not go. and there's no way i'm going to let it all pass by without me saying a fucking word about it. i just hate that everything isn't really about me, and i'm responsible for making it that way. i really should let things turn around, let the water slide down my back and say 'fuck it, have fun', but even that isn't possible without a heavy dose of sarcasm added in.
i've thought about how things would be if i never had anyone. lying there on my back knowing that who will come through the door at the end of the day is no one, because nobody is welcomed. i've thought about the desolation, the self absorbtion, the lonliness that would be. when it all boils down it turns out that things are better than that, and that even if i think for a second that they aren't, i'm wrong, and proven so rather quickly.
but don't say a word when i make my plans and they're those sacred days, don't protest for a fucking second, because i'll be like a firecracker and i'll end up staying for much longer than i had even planned.
sometimes i should just go away by myself and watch tv through other peoples windows as i pass by. and leave it at that. a state of constant motion.
theres so much to do and i really hate that i havent done it all already.