Sink or swim.
So many things in queue.
Need to find the path through this mess.
Look for what was lost.
Find my way back to you.
So I've realized why I've had a writer's block for so long... and why it most likely will continue.
Writing is about honesty, right?
I mean... for something to be really good... it should be honest.
And I think I'm afraid to acknowledge my own feelings. I'm sort of going through a lot of things right now... mentally, spiritually and otherwise. It's nothing definable, but it's just a lot of strings pulling at me on different sides and I don't know which strings to cut first to lessen my load.
Yeah, I know it's summer. I should be chillen, enjoying myself... and all that nice and sugary stuff, right? But nothing is the same anymore.
I feel kind of lost right now. I mean, I pretend that everything is alright... I pretend like I have everything going fine... just doing the things I normally do. But I do that all the time. I always act like nothing bothers me. I guess that's why a lot of people think I'm this ultra 'nice' person. But I guess that's a topic for some other day.
The thing is... as I've been trying to organize things in my room, in my life, in my schoolwork, in my family, in my extra activities... I see how UNorganized everything was in the first place. There's so much I want to do with my time... with my life... with the responsibilities handed down to me. But I feel like there's not enough time. And there's really no one to turn to. I mean... sure, I have friends and I have family who love me. I know this, and I am so grateful for it. More grateful than you can imagine. But I feel like all of this is MY responsibility. No one else's. It's like one of those sink or swim situations... I'm paddling out in the middle of the ocean... swimming for my life... in some undetermined direction. I know if I stop swimming... if I stop... I'll drown. So I just keep swimming along... not knowing if I'll even get to my destination... only wishing someone would throw me a lifeline.
I've never really felt like this before. I mean... of course I've never known what the future held for me. But right now I feel so overcome with fear and uncertainty of what is to come.
I need to go back. I know where. But I left something very important somewhere, and I need it if I want to go on further. I'm at a plateau right now. And I hate it. I hate standing still when every fiber in me is telling me that I need to keep moving.
I don't know if I make sense. Or if anyone is feelin what I'm saying right now. But I guess that doesn't matter. This is what I'm thinking and feeling... and although it's not inspirational or life-changing or astounding or any of those other exceptional qualities... I guess it will suffice for now. I'm just trying to be honest. And what I feel right now is definitely not exceptional.
I wouldn't say I'm at a low point. I just feel like I'm not progressing. And I feel something lacking in my life.
Tomorrow morning I'm going to wake up and try to find it.
Need to find the path through this mess.
Look for what was lost.
Find my way back to you.
So I've realized why I've had a writer's block for so long... and why it most likely will continue.
Writing is about honesty, right?
I mean... for something to be really good... it should be honest.
And I think I'm afraid to acknowledge my own feelings. I'm sort of going through a lot of things right now... mentally, spiritually and otherwise. It's nothing definable, but it's just a lot of strings pulling at me on different sides and I don't know which strings to cut first to lessen my load.
Yeah, I know it's summer. I should be chillen, enjoying myself... and all that nice and sugary stuff, right? But nothing is the same anymore.
I feel kind of lost right now. I mean, I pretend that everything is alright... I pretend like I have everything going fine... just doing the things I normally do. But I do that all the time. I always act like nothing bothers me. I guess that's why a lot of people think I'm this ultra 'nice' person. But I guess that's a topic for some other day.
The thing is... as I've been trying to organize things in my room, in my life, in my schoolwork, in my family, in my extra activities... I see how UNorganized everything was in the first place. There's so much I want to do with my time... with my life... with the responsibilities handed down to me. But I feel like there's not enough time. And there's really no one to turn to. I mean... sure, I have friends and I have family who love me. I know this, and I am so grateful for it. More grateful than you can imagine. But I feel like all of this is MY responsibility. No one else's. It's like one of those sink or swim situations... I'm paddling out in the middle of the ocean... swimming for my life... in some undetermined direction. I know if I stop swimming... if I stop... I'll drown. So I just keep swimming along... not knowing if I'll even get to my destination... only wishing someone would throw me a lifeline.
I've never really felt like this before. I mean... of course I've never known what the future held for me. But right now I feel so overcome with fear and uncertainty of what is to come.
I need to go back. I know where. But I left something very important somewhere, and I need it if I want to go on further. I'm at a plateau right now. And I hate it. I hate standing still when every fiber in me is telling me that I need to keep moving.
I don't know if I make sense. Or if anyone is feelin what I'm saying right now. But I guess that doesn't matter. This is what I'm thinking and feeling... and although it's not inspirational or life-changing or astounding or any of those other exceptional qualities... I guess it will suffice for now. I'm just trying to be honest. And what I feel right now is definitely not exceptional.
I wouldn't say I'm at a low point. I just feel like I'm not progressing. And I feel something lacking in my life.
Tomorrow morning I'm going to wake up and try to find it.