(no subject)
In a rare moment of optimism, productivity, and (!!!) self-confidence. These are the best things but the things that are not permanent, and I am wondering now how to make them stay but that’s probably a waste of time. I have been talking in such a healthy and honest way with Ilya’s girlfriend Rosie and I think that is contributing to my optimism, about human relationships and communication. We have been doing so much here in Santa Cruz, going to meetings and all setting up shows and filming Sep’s movies. This is the best way to spend time. I still have these sort of self-abusive daydreams but I am starting to understand them as fantasies and just let them be a part of me that doesn’t have to be important but can still just be there and I don’t have to fight it. be busy, plan things, keep moving.