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Mar 23, 2011 22:21

 Sorry I haven't written in a while.  I've been busy, very busy.  I guess I'll start off by telling you about my day.  So today I was hoping to go to the outlets after school I went through school ya know lost a few things my ass was hurting the whole day because of my pinched nerve.  I had to cancel the outlets to do a chem project that was fun.  I got to drive home. Got home around 6:30  Ive been so tired this week but have been to damn busy to take a nap.  So I finished my homework ate and i was about ready to go pass out.  Then Michelle called me.  She was crying and she found out her grandma had a heart attack I didn't know what to do I'm a horrible comforter ya know.  She said she would call me back and when she did she found out her grandma died.  I feel so bad I love that girl.  It makes me feel good that she trusts to come to me.  I prayed for her grandma after the first time she called and after of course.  I'm not a religious person really. I'm atheist in a way but I pray twice a day for every single one of my friends and family, just for luck and all.  I mean when I think about it god was created by ignorance and such but like sometimes you just got to have faith.  Its almost my own religion.  I've never been to church I believe in gay marriage all that stuff and I've never read the bible.  Sometimes I feel like people worry about the next world too much they never appreciate the one they live in now.  Religion is all about faith.  Not rules, at least thats how I feel.  Anyways, I'm texting like 30 people right now just worked out and let me tell you I am so exhausted.  I could pass out in .2 seconds but I have to stay up for Michelle shes scared about her older sister.  I would write this in my personal journal but I would SO pass out.  I'm hoping the light from the screen will slow down my melatonin production so I won't passout.  You know its weird to think and all. To think that her grandma woke up not knowing this was the day.  Not knowing anything. Nothing at all. From all the times throughout her life she wondered about how she was going to die. and boom. over. Its scary to think like that. I'm literally deathly afraid of my mom dying I told her straight up if she died anytime soon, I'm jumping off a bridge no doubts.  She really doesn't act like she cares sometimes.  Isn't it supposed to be the other way around? SMH I wanna fall asleep to bad !  I swear I'm like dying 
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