A rant
So, this is a rant against, well, most of the people I know here in Spokane. Why, you might ask? The answer is fairly simple. I'm motherfucking pissed right now and I want to vent. It isn't designed to be a parting shot as I leave, even though I'm aware that it will seem such. Ah well. Such is life. I'm actually just angry mostly because tonight's events brought to light several things for me, things which irritate me so much that I'm gonna go ahead and alienate a bunch of people by typing them because they probably need to be said.
The basic topic of this rant is sexuality. Why is it that around 90% of my friends fear their sexuality? I shall answer my own rhetorical question with one simple word, loaded with connotation. Cowardice. Cowardice is why most of my male friends are little pansies and refuse to kiss girls, why they refuse to try to do anything other than the simplest way possible, why they don't bother trying to actually fucking gain anything, but rather wallow in blissful inertia, attempting nothing that requires any sort of real effort.
Similarly, cowardice is why the other half of my friends ignore all sexuality except as a basis for laughing, for joking. It is nothing serious to them. They hide behind the pretense of humor, because to admit the sanctity of relations between intimate couples, be it holding hands or sexual intercourse, would be to acknowledge the truly incomprehensible beast known as love. I know, I know, this was me until very recently. They showed me the easy path, and I followed it out of fear. Fuck that. It is a pointless path, a path of nothing more than liars telling lies in order to placate their own internal disrest, their inability to face the truth. Telling yourself that there is no love, only pleasure, is as flawed as denying the senses in favor of organized religion.
What is love, then? It is incomprehensible, just as the driving forces of life are incomprehensible. The two are very similar in that both are easily explained away, discarded, in favor of a pale falsification. This falsification, while simple, undeniably leads to a false conception of both of these elements of sentience, of humanity. In the instance of life, it is simple to say "I live because of Jesus," ignoring all sensory data to the contrary. In the instance of sexuality, it is equally simple and flawed to say "I desire only physical interaction," ignoring the intangible feeling of being alone with someone. This feeling cannot be equated to kissing someone at a party just because someone else tells you too, just because an inanimate object randomly decides that you should. It is unprompted interaction that leads to a psychological connection, that allows one to feel somehow part of a greater force, somehow to sympathetically understand another, and that other's desires, feelings, wishes. This connection is love, no matter how much our culture has placed a taboo on that word. There is no other way to describe it. Kissing someone with your friends cheering you on, groping someone on a dare, these are no more than glorified masturbation, a stunted imitation of love. Making these things humorous is a still greater blasphemy of the sanctity of love. I'm tired of people laughing at the humor of sexual acts. These acts may be humorous in the proper light, but to reduce them to cheap parlor tricks for the amusement of friends is a falsification, a bitter denial of the implicit beauty of love.
I hope you've enjoyed an honest expression of my views. If you found that personally offensive, I have little to say beyond, quite simply, fuck you. Chances are, you didn't understand most of that and are merely responding with a visceral desire to defend yourself. Use your bloody intellect, consider rather than defend. Lack of thought is what is destroying this world. Blind defense of ideals is naivete of the worst kind.
If that didn't apply at all to you, I hope you enjoyed it anyway. There is the distinct possibility that I just wasted a substantial portion of your time. Honestly, it would probably be your own fault for reading my rant in its entirety. But I'll apologize anyway. Sorry.
The temporal events that led to the triggering of this intense intellectual hatred were, quite simply, social interaction with a group of people who exemplify both sides of my rant, and two who do not. I'm not saying that I endorse PDA, but it wasn't too bad and, regardless, thats a different rant for a different day. Actually, I've probably made that rant already. Whatever.
I suppose this is a good time to leave Spokane, when I've just been enveloped in intense intellectual contempt for most of my friends. It will pass soon, like all things. I forgive easily.
On a final note, if you are in a situation in which you are clearly the third wheel, it is horribly bad etiquitte to continue to awkwardize the situation because of nothing more than a purile lust for more of the intellecual panacea that is Alias. Or any other TV show or movie or damned near anything, for that matter. Alias just comes to mind because of a recent experience.
I suppose this probably should have been a cutesy little "I love you all and am going to miss you heart heart kiss kiss tear tear!" I guess I fucked up. But you should know me better than that.