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Well getting parts of stuff back in order. Gotta find out what I wanna do for the rest of my life tho. Light up night blew. The ice was shitty and nothing really went right. One of the main reasons I was gonna go down there was to meet that girl Caitlin. Story of my life, she couldn't come. So I'm trying for this friday and it really isn't looking to promising for that either. Ride issues with her. I know she isn't going to be able to make it down there. But for some reason I have a little bit of hope that will be quickly dashed upon friday morning or so. For some reason lately I haven't been able to sleep good at all at night. My fear of dying and what it is gonna be like keeps me from getting sleep. Right about now I'm just second guessing myself. Seems like no matter what I do for the good, I or something beyong my control finds a way to fuck it all up. Went to play hockey on saturday and for the first time ever I had no passion or drive to play the game. I dunno all this shit is driving me up a wall. I just need to get the fuck outta this feeling. Its like I'm sitting in a room with walls on either side with everything that I possibly hate on them and theres no way out. Why do I always have to be the person that fucks everything up?