opening night
i'm really excited. but nervous. after i've recited the same lines millions of times, i have no ability to step back and evaluate if i'm actually doing them any good.
so special, special thanks to people who gave me a thumbs up offstage, esp. david, laura, and emma.
it's funny, i'm one of the most self-confident people i know...in the sense that i'm happy with who i am, i'm not insecure, etc. but acting makes you so vulnerable; your one job is to entertain a group of people and you either succeed or fail. there's no "good try" about it.
which is tough for me, because i'm always someone who has succeeded in life by working hard and not by natural talent. academics--take math, for example. i suck at tests, the real evaluations of your knowledge, but i ALWAYS do hw and participate in class and study hard so i've never not gotten an A. but am i actually smart in math? no way! tennis--anyone who has seen me play knows I don't win by having the faster serve or harder shots. i win by running down every ball and not giving up. if you measure by real tennis talent, i suck. even when it comes to guys, i don't have the natural goods! i'm not pretty! but by effort--a sense of humor, being outgoing, etc.--i have been lucky enough to date some great guys.
so then there's acting, where you don't get rewarded by effort alone. and i freak out! well, unless its a comedy role, where i can succeed just by going all out and not holding back, not by actual talent. so here i am, playing a lead, ecstatic and yet fearful because i can't win over the audience with an O for effort. i'm either good or i'm not.
but in the end, the audience does only mean so much. i don't act just for a curtain call. i act for me and my own enjoyment of exploring a character and working with talented people (claire, moo, that especially includes you two). this has been a fabulous show to be in. so whether or noti deliver as viola, i've had a damn good time.
so special, special thanks to people who gave me a thumbs up offstage, esp. david, laura, and emma.
it's funny, i'm one of the most self-confident people i know...in the sense that i'm happy with who i am, i'm not insecure, etc. but acting makes you so vulnerable; your one job is to entertain a group of people and you either succeed or fail. there's no "good try" about it.
which is tough for me, because i'm always someone who has succeeded in life by working hard and not by natural talent. academics--take math, for example. i suck at tests, the real evaluations of your knowledge, but i ALWAYS do hw and participate in class and study hard so i've never not gotten an A. but am i actually smart in math? no way! tennis--anyone who has seen me play knows I don't win by having the faster serve or harder shots. i win by running down every ball and not giving up. if you measure by real tennis talent, i suck. even when it comes to guys, i don't have the natural goods! i'm not pretty! but by effort--a sense of humor, being outgoing, etc.--i have been lucky enough to date some great guys.
so then there's acting, where you don't get rewarded by effort alone. and i freak out! well, unless its a comedy role, where i can succeed just by going all out and not holding back, not by actual talent. so here i am, playing a lead, ecstatic and yet fearful because i can't win over the audience with an O for effort. i'm either good or i'm not.
but in the end, the audience does only mean so much. i don't act just for a curtain call. i act for me and my own enjoyment of exploring a character and working with talented people (claire, moo, that especially includes you two). this has been a fabulous show to be in. so whether or noti deliver as viola, i've had a damn good time.