FUCK LIFE IS ALL I HAVE LEFT TO SAY
im being honest
i hate my life much more now that i am out of that shit hole.
im tired of listening to bullshit from fucking people who say they care.
i dont give a fuck if they really do.
they try to help us but all that happened was i got more depressed
my one thought in there was to kill myself just to prove them wrong.
they said that it couldnt be dont cause the place was totally safe.
no one could die in there.
i was tempted to prove them wrong.
but those fuck heads think that im a changed person.
ive been enlightened.
ive been helped in so many ways.
they put me on meds and mabe those will help.
but now i wanna cut so bad.
i hate living and after that i dont think it will ever change.
i also hate everyone who loves me and i love back.
fuck u
u keep me alive.
i will always hate u for that
i will always love u for that
i cant even put a lot of how i feel into words.
now i am jsut angry.
and afraid
afraid i will end up back in there
cause if this is how i really feel im gonna OD of cut myself to much and im gonna be back in there much longer.
they gave me new coping skills
but took away all the ones that worked for me
they made me even more of a selfish arrogant bastard, but not enough to take my life.
all they did is cause more pain.
i cant wait till i end up like those speed addicts i became friends with.
or the alchoholic punker who just got out of 2 months of the hall
or i become like those physcotic zombies that walked around all night and took swings at random ppl
we arent crazy they told us
u know now that i think about u must be crazy to fake ur own recovery just so u can go be so much more fucked up
they told us to look outside at the adult ward
where the crazies killed people for fun or thought they were the president of mars
all i could think is i cant wait till i grow up and get to live in that cage
hey at least they will let us outside.
wont make it seem like they are nice then call us names
wont make us wait in our rooms till our food is cold then tell us to go eat
i dont see any help in sight.
im afraid
but now like how i love the pain of a blade, i love the fear
and hey mabe i will learn to love the depression
so that i can fuck everything up more
be more sad
but more happy at the same time
i hate my life much more now that i am out of that shit hole.
im tired of listening to bullshit from fucking people who say they care.
i dont give a fuck if they really do.
they try to help us but all that happened was i got more depressed
my one thought in there was to kill myself just to prove them wrong.
they said that it couldnt be dont cause the place was totally safe.
no one could die in there.
i was tempted to prove them wrong.
but those fuck heads think that im a changed person.
ive been enlightened.
ive been helped in so many ways.
they put me on meds and mabe those will help.
but now i wanna cut so bad.
i hate living and after that i dont think it will ever change.
i also hate everyone who loves me and i love back.
fuck u
u keep me alive.
i will always hate u for that
i will always love u for that
i cant even put a lot of how i feel into words.
now i am jsut angry.
and afraid
afraid i will end up back in there
cause if this is how i really feel im gonna OD of cut myself to much and im gonna be back in there much longer.
they gave me new coping skills
but took away all the ones that worked for me
they made me even more of a selfish arrogant bastard, but not enough to take my life.
all they did is cause more pain.
i cant wait till i end up like those speed addicts i became friends with.
or the alchoholic punker who just got out of 2 months of the hall
or i become like those physcotic zombies that walked around all night and took swings at random ppl
we arent crazy they told us
u know now that i think about u must be crazy to fake ur own recovery just so u can go be so much more fucked up
they told us to look outside at the adult ward
where the crazies killed people for fun or thought they were the president of mars
all i could think is i cant wait till i grow up and get to live in that cage
hey at least they will let us outside.
wont make it seem like they are nice then call us names
wont make us wait in our rooms till our food is cold then tell us to go eat
i dont see any help in sight.
im afraid
but now like how i love the pain of a blade, i love the fear
and hey mabe i will learn to love the depression
so that i can fuck everything up more
be more sad
but more happy at the same time