RP LOG with scotcopper | Rock, paper, scissors
Braden lost track of how long he had been sitting in the hard plastic hospital chair watching his little brother sleep. He had been sitting there thinking about the past few months and how much their family had gone through. It had been some rollercoaster, to say the least. Everyone had though Stuart had finally found the right formula, despite going through so much with Tom's accident. When he got engaged, Braden knew he hadn't seen Stuart smile like that in a very long time. Now this. It was like some horrible nightmare, and everything else had been a movie... fantasy... and the plug was suddenly pulled. He didn't know what to think. In fact, he had mostly remained quiet as the whole thing had gone down. He hadn't known what to say, and just wanted to believe that Tom wasn't capable of hurting Stuart like that, in that way. He thought as a whole family, they had given Tom enough info about their youngest to know that he had been through a lot, and just wanted to be happy. Now it turned out that it was one big misunderstanding, even if the lack of information about Sophie's younger brother still stood. That had still hurt Stuart, but Braden didn't think it would have led to a break up like this. Now, Stuart was exhausted, he had no energy left to fight and he had let Tom go.
Resting his chin in his hand with his elbow braced on the side of the mattress, Braden watched Stuart start to stir out of his post-surgery medicated sleep. He had been awake very briefly before, enough to return from Recovery, but he had been in a lot of pain that made him sick. More medication was pumped into him and was back out in a heartbeat. Braden wasn't sure how much he would remember, hopefully none of it. He hated seeing any of his family in pain. He was sitting on Stuart's right side, so he could take his uninjured hand, giving it a soft squeeze. "It's okay, Stuarty. You're still in hospital, unfortunately. Hopefully those drugs have kicked in, though," he said quietly, keeping his voice low in case Stuart was still feeling poorly. When he heard Stuart mumble Tom's name, his heart felt like it was going break.
Stuart could only liken how he was feeling to a hangover. His head was groggy and he felt vaguely nauseous. Nothing like he had earlier, though. He wet his lips slowly and swallowed, feeling a tiny bit of clarity creep back into his mind. "I need a drink," he said hoarsely, opening his eyes a little and finding Braden there. He looked on, expecting other people, but it was only Braden and he couldn't help giving a small sigh of relief. Another moment of analysis told him his arm was in a cast and a black sling to keep it immobilised. In hindsight, he knew he had done a really, really stupid thing, and felt like a wanker for it. But everyone knew that hindsight metaphor, and it hurt his brain to think about it. "Where is everyone?"
Braden poured some water into the plastic cup from the jug the nurses had left a little while ago. They also left a sandwich and some juice they wanted Stuart to try to eat when he felt up to it, and he was allowed to have a cup of tea if he wanted it. He held the cup to Stuart's lips, helping him have a drink to wet his mouth and throat. "They're oot in the waiting room. Ma' and Da' are here too. They flew doon first thing. Cal's coming in tonight. We knew from last night that you didnae really want anyone arood, but we didnae want you coming oot of surgery alone, either. Iain, Gus and me all practically had a family fued aboot being in here with you, until we settled it with Rock, Paper, Scissors. Which just ended up in another fight, that Ma' got in the middle of and settled. She picked me. Figured I'd be the least likely to grill you aboot Tom..."
It all came crashing back on Stuart heavily, and he felt winded just thinking about it. Tom was gone, Stuart ended it. Even after hearing the truth, hearing what had happened, he just still couldn't do it. It had felt like from day one with Tom, everything had been an uphill battle. First, everything with his paralegal. Which been another non-relationship, but enough for feelings to be involved. That had ruined their lives for months, and nearly took Tom's life. Stuart hadn't professed to be completely healed by that, because he wasn't. Most days, he still thought about Tom lying in that hospital bed looking dead, about the questioning, about telling Tom the guy was dead. Then even beyond that, the days nursing Tom back to health, how sick and in pain he had been. Stuart stuck it out, he wanted to do everything he could to help. He thought after that, they could get through anything. It's why he had wanted to marry Tom. Even thinking about buying the ring and planning on proposing, he wanted it more than anything, even if there had been a niggle in his gut that Tom might say no because of his past, of who and what he used to be. Then the DVD with Liam. Stuart wished he could easily explain why that had hurt so much, but every time he tried, it failed him. It was just like a window into a whole part of Tom's life Stuart hadn't known about, and Tom hadn't thought to tell him. But the window was foggy, and Stuart hadn't seen very much. It terrified him what else lay beyond it.
Angus' revelaton had just been the straw that broke the camel's back. It turned Stuart's uncertain and bewildered hurt about the secrets into a furious anger that he was scared he wouldn't ever shake. Punching the wall had been a blind action, it was just a devastated fury that overcome him as he had been standing in the bathroom looking at himself in the mirror. His reflection showed nothing but exhaustion and hurt, like the emotions of the past few months had come roaring back the minute that image of Tom and Liam appeared on the screen. Catching sight of the ring on his hand fanned that flame and he lost it before he could stop himself. The next thing he knew, he was screaming out in agony and it was a blur after that. Until the confrontation with Liam, and then with Tom. His emotions went from frayed to snapping in two. He had fought so hard for Tom, that in the end, it was only a small thing it took to take him down. There was nothing left. It was purely a self-preserving tactic, throwing up walls and pushing Tom away so there wasn't another next time... no more run-ins with Tom's past. For a horrifying moment there, he really had been giving the fuel to believe Tom had cheated on him, and he had freely believed it. That scared him. He didn't want to live in the heightened state of worry that the next DVD box he opened was going to be another image of Tom sleeping with someone close to them. All he wanted was a relationship with someone that didn't have the tools to hurt him. He wanted to be protected, too.
Stuart swallowed the water and then rested back on the pillow. "I told you all what happened last night. The bare facts, anyway. Anything else, I dinnae want to talk about. It doesnae matter, because it's over," he mumbled. He pulled the blanket up over his arm, feeling a shiver creep through him.
"I know," Braden murmured with a nod, helping a little by smoothing out the covers so Stuart would be as comfortable as he could be. "It's just worry, buddy. We want to try and understand what happened, but trust me, I know. I know the want to nay talk aboot it. Just try and deal with the pain by burying yourself away and waiting for it to pass. Of course you dinnae have to talk aboot if you dinnae want to. Just because it was your choice to end it, doesnae mean you arenae allowed to hurt badly over it. There's a wee sandwich here. Are you hungry? The nurses seem to think it would be a good idea to eat something if you can, considering you fasting last night for the surgery."
Stuart shook his head. "If I eat, I'll throw up. Maybe later." He had sunk further down against the pillow, trying to pretend there wasn't just an all-over discomfort. The bed was hard, the sheets were starchy, the blankets not warm enough. The gown was loose and creased up underneath him, the oxygen things in his nose were pissing him off and the needle in his hand feeding him fluids just plain hurt. He closed his eyes and a couple of silent, stray tears escaped and slipped down his cheeks. "I miss him."
"I bet you do," Braden replied softly with a nod of understand. Careful not to touch Stuart's injured hand, he untangled the blankets so he could pull it up over Stuart's shoulder and give him a bit more warmth. He started to rub his hand up and down Stuart's upper arm to soothe him. "Losing someone isnae ever easy. You thought you were going to be with him forever, but you got hurt. And it does hurt. All over, inside and out. But you're nay alone, okay? He's not either. Ethan's with him, as far as I can tell."
Stuart frowned a little. "How do you know? I know I broke up with him, but I still l- I still... I dinnae want him to be alone," he finally settled on, floundering for the right thing to say.
"I spoke to Sophie just a wee while ago in the cafeteria. She was getting some coffee too..." Braden paused with a soft clear of his throat as he contemplated whether to continue or not, but Stuart was only going to go on and ask why Sophie was there anyway if Tom had left with Ethan. He was a detective, it was his job to interrogate, and it never failed to cross over into his private life. "Liam's taken ill. He was sick on his shift last night. He passed out and Casualty wanted to admit him for the night."
That was the last thing Stuart expected to hear, and for a moment, he just gaped at Braden. Obviously, it would be assumed he didn't want to hear about the youngest Morgan, but it wasn't like he would wish him ill. He knew the truth now, Liam had only been trying to help Tom, and he was grateful for that. But the past relationship they had, even if it wasn't anything serious, still played in his mind. It was something he needed more time to try and cope with. "What's wrong with him?" he asked.
Braden watched his brother for a moment, hoping he really was okay to take the information. He was asking for more, afterall. It was just an understandably touchy subject. "Exhaustion, stress, plus it seems like he's lacking in some things, so he's not been eating properly and still trying to work long hours. Sophie's quite worried about him. He'll be going home today, to her place, so she and Ethan can take care of him. I guess this has all just taken it's toll on everyone." He gave Stuart's arm another small squeeze. "How about a wee cup of tea?"
"I-I was just angry at him... I didnae mean to..." Stuart closed his eyes and cursed softly under his breath. Nothing felt simple anymore, it all just felt like a huge mess. The worst part of it all was that he just wanted Tom. He thought back to when he was sick with the flu, and how just having Tom there with him made it not feel so bad. Now he'd had surgery and he was in pain. he couldn't talk without that choked feeling like he was going to cry seizing his throat up. "It just all hurts so much."
"Hey... you know this isnae your fault. You're just feeling guilty because of the misunderstanding. Liam hasnae been looking after himself, but now his family know that, he willnae have a chance to escape them. Just like you willnae, buddy. You'll be so sick to fecking death of us. You thought it was a good idea to want us all aroond before, but now that you're going to need a wee bit of help, you'll be having second thoughts," Braden teased with a small smirk, but it was gone as soon as it appeared. He leaned forward so he could give Stuart a hug as best he could. "I know... I wish I could tell you it was all gonna feel better soon, too, Stuarty, but you've got to take the time you need for it to heal. You've gotta let it hurt before it will feel better. Tom made you feel alive. But you know the downside to that? If you're alive, you feel pain. Life sucks like that."
Stuart blinked back some tears and then managed to give his brother weak smile, taking his hand to just seek a bit more contact. "You're going to be an awesome dad, Bradie. And you dinnae even need sperm to pull it off."
Braden gave a small nod and smiled back. "Aye, laddie. I'm starting to realise there's more to life than sperm. Family isnae just blood..."
Stuart didn't know why those words cut so deeply, but they did, and his mind was drawn right back to Tom, and that empty loneliness started to set back in again. He didn't say anything more, just turned his face into the pillow and closed his eyes when the exhaustion engulfed him again. Maybe if he just slept away then next few years of his life, he'd eventually wake up not feeling like he had made the biggest mistake of his life.
Word Count | 2,390
Resting his chin in his hand with his elbow braced on the side of the mattress, Braden watched Stuart start to stir out of his post-surgery medicated sleep. He had been awake very briefly before, enough to return from Recovery, but he had been in a lot of pain that made him sick. More medication was pumped into him and was back out in a heartbeat. Braden wasn't sure how much he would remember, hopefully none of it. He hated seeing any of his family in pain. He was sitting on Stuart's right side, so he could take his uninjured hand, giving it a soft squeeze. "It's okay, Stuarty. You're still in hospital, unfortunately. Hopefully those drugs have kicked in, though," he said quietly, keeping his voice low in case Stuart was still feeling poorly. When he heard Stuart mumble Tom's name, his heart felt like it was going break.
Stuart could only liken how he was feeling to a hangover. His head was groggy and he felt vaguely nauseous. Nothing like he had earlier, though. He wet his lips slowly and swallowed, feeling a tiny bit of clarity creep back into his mind. "I need a drink," he said hoarsely, opening his eyes a little and finding Braden there. He looked on, expecting other people, but it was only Braden and he couldn't help giving a small sigh of relief. Another moment of analysis told him his arm was in a cast and a black sling to keep it immobilised. In hindsight, he knew he had done a really, really stupid thing, and felt like a wanker for it. But everyone knew that hindsight metaphor, and it hurt his brain to think about it. "Where is everyone?"
Braden poured some water into the plastic cup from the jug the nurses had left a little while ago. They also left a sandwich and some juice they wanted Stuart to try to eat when he felt up to it, and he was allowed to have a cup of tea if he wanted it. He held the cup to Stuart's lips, helping him have a drink to wet his mouth and throat. "They're oot in the waiting room. Ma' and Da' are here too. They flew doon first thing. Cal's coming in tonight. We knew from last night that you didnae really want anyone arood, but we didnae want you coming oot of surgery alone, either. Iain, Gus and me all practically had a family fued aboot being in here with you, until we settled it with Rock, Paper, Scissors. Which just ended up in another fight, that Ma' got in the middle of and settled. She picked me. Figured I'd be the least likely to grill you aboot Tom..."
It all came crashing back on Stuart heavily, and he felt winded just thinking about it. Tom was gone, Stuart ended it. Even after hearing the truth, hearing what had happened, he just still couldn't do it. It had felt like from day one with Tom, everything had been an uphill battle. First, everything with his paralegal. Which been another non-relationship, but enough for feelings to be involved. That had ruined their lives for months, and nearly took Tom's life. Stuart hadn't professed to be completely healed by that, because he wasn't. Most days, he still thought about Tom lying in that hospital bed looking dead, about the questioning, about telling Tom the guy was dead. Then even beyond that, the days nursing Tom back to health, how sick and in pain he had been. Stuart stuck it out, he wanted to do everything he could to help. He thought after that, they could get through anything. It's why he had wanted to marry Tom. Even thinking about buying the ring and planning on proposing, he wanted it more than anything, even if there had been a niggle in his gut that Tom might say no because of his past, of who and what he used to be. Then the DVD with Liam. Stuart wished he could easily explain why that had hurt so much, but every time he tried, it failed him. It was just like a window into a whole part of Tom's life Stuart hadn't known about, and Tom hadn't thought to tell him. But the window was foggy, and Stuart hadn't seen very much. It terrified him what else lay beyond it.
Angus' revelaton had just been the straw that broke the camel's back. It turned Stuart's uncertain and bewildered hurt about the secrets into a furious anger that he was scared he wouldn't ever shake. Punching the wall had been a blind action, it was just a devastated fury that overcome him as he had been standing in the bathroom looking at himself in the mirror. His reflection showed nothing but exhaustion and hurt, like the emotions of the past few months had come roaring back the minute that image of Tom and Liam appeared on the screen. Catching sight of the ring on his hand fanned that flame and he lost it before he could stop himself. The next thing he knew, he was screaming out in agony and it was a blur after that. Until the confrontation with Liam, and then with Tom. His emotions went from frayed to snapping in two. He had fought so hard for Tom, that in the end, it was only a small thing it took to take him down. There was nothing left. It was purely a self-preserving tactic, throwing up walls and pushing Tom away so there wasn't another next time... no more run-ins with Tom's past. For a horrifying moment there, he really had been giving the fuel to believe Tom had cheated on him, and he had freely believed it. That scared him. He didn't want to live in the heightened state of worry that the next DVD box he opened was going to be another image of Tom sleeping with someone close to them. All he wanted was a relationship with someone that didn't have the tools to hurt him. He wanted to be protected, too.
Stuart swallowed the water and then rested back on the pillow. "I told you all what happened last night. The bare facts, anyway. Anything else, I dinnae want to talk about. It doesnae matter, because it's over," he mumbled. He pulled the blanket up over his arm, feeling a shiver creep through him.
"I know," Braden murmured with a nod, helping a little by smoothing out the covers so Stuart would be as comfortable as he could be. "It's just worry, buddy. We want to try and understand what happened, but trust me, I know. I know the want to nay talk aboot it. Just try and deal with the pain by burying yourself away and waiting for it to pass. Of course you dinnae have to talk aboot if you dinnae want to. Just because it was your choice to end it, doesnae mean you arenae allowed to hurt badly over it. There's a wee sandwich here. Are you hungry? The nurses seem to think it would be a good idea to eat something if you can, considering you fasting last night for the surgery."
Stuart shook his head. "If I eat, I'll throw up. Maybe later." He had sunk further down against the pillow, trying to pretend there wasn't just an all-over discomfort. The bed was hard, the sheets were starchy, the blankets not warm enough. The gown was loose and creased up underneath him, the oxygen things in his nose were pissing him off and the needle in his hand feeding him fluids just plain hurt. He closed his eyes and a couple of silent, stray tears escaped and slipped down his cheeks. "I miss him."
"I bet you do," Braden replied softly with a nod of understand. Careful not to touch Stuart's injured hand, he untangled the blankets so he could pull it up over Stuart's shoulder and give him a bit more warmth. He started to rub his hand up and down Stuart's upper arm to soothe him. "Losing someone isnae ever easy. You thought you were going to be with him forever, but you got hurt. And it does hurt. All over, inside and out. But you're nay alone, okay? He's not either. Ethan's with him, as far as I can tell."
Stuart frowned a little. "How do you know? I know I broke up with him, but I still l- I still... I dinnae want him to be alone," he finally settled on, floundering for the right thing to say.
"I spoke to Sophie just a wee while ago in the cafeteria. She was getting some coffee too..." Braden paused with a soft clear of his throat as he contemplated whether to continue or not, but Stuart was only going to go on and ask why Sophie was there anyway if Tom had left with Ethan. He was a detective, it was his job to interrogate, and it never failed to cross over into his private life. "Liam's taken ill. He was sick on his shift last night. He passed out and Casualty wanted to admit him for the night."
That was the last thing Stuart expected to hear, and for a moment, he just gaped at Braden. Obviously, it would be assumed he didn't want to hear about the youngest Morgan, but it wasn't like he would wish him ill. He knew the truth now, Liam had only been trying to help Tom, and he was grateful for that. But the past relationship they had, even if it wasn't anything serious, still played in his mind. It was something he needed more time to try and cope with. "What's wrong with him?" he asked.
Braden watched his brother for a moment, hoping he really was okay to take the information. He was asking for more, afterall. It was just an understandably touchy subject. "Exhaustion, stress, plus it seems like he's lacking in some things, so he's not been eating properly and still trying to work long hours. Sophie's quite worried about him. He'll be going home today, to her place, so she and Ethan can take care of him. I guess this has all just taken it's toll on everyone." He gave Stuart's arm another small squeeze. "How about a wee cup of tea?"
"I-I was just angry at him... I didnae mean to..." Stuart closed his eyes and cursed softly under his breath. Nothing felt simple anymore, it all just felt like a huge mess. The worst part of it all was that he just wanted Tom. He thought back to when he was sick with the flu, and how just having Tom there with him made it not feel so bad. Now he'd had surgery and he was in pain. he couldn't talk without that choked feeling like he was going to cry seizing his throat up. "It just all hurts so much."
"Hey... you know this isnae your fault. You're just feeling guilty because of the misunderstanding. Liam hasnae been looking after himself, but now his family know that, he willnae have a chance to escape them. Just like you willnae, buddy. You'll be so sick to fecking death of us. You thought it was a good idea to want us all aroond before, but now that you're going to need a wee bit of help, you'll be having second thoughts," Braden teased with a small smirk, but it was gone as soon as it appeared. He leaned forward so he could give Stuart a hug as best he could. "I know... I wish I could tell you it was all gonna feel better soon, too, Stuarty, but you've got to take the time you need for it to heal. You've gotta let it hurt before it will feel better. Tom made you feel alive. But you know the downside to that? If you're alive, you feel pain. Life sucks like that."
Stuart blinked back some tears and then managed to give his brother weak smile, taking his hand to just seek a bit more contact. "You're going to be an awesome dad, Bradie. And you dinnae even need sperm to pull it off."
Braden gave a small nod and smiled back. "Aye, laddie. I'm starting to realise there's more to life than sperm. Family isnae just blood..."
Stuart didn't know why those words cut so deeply, but they did, and his mind was drawn right back to Tom, and that empty loneliness started to set back in again. He didn't say anything more, just turned his face into the pillow and closed his eyes when the exhaustion engulfed him again. Maybe if he just slept away then next few years of his life, he'd eventually wake up not feeling like he had made the biggest mistake of his life.
Word Count | 2,390