RP LOG with thinbluegee | Finding the family feet

[lovesguinness]

Ryan had finally given the go-ahead for Ciaran’s discharge and after wrangling a week’s leave from his superiors, Euan brought the kid back to his apartment . It was obvious the lad still wasn’t well, though. He was very weak and tired, and after he nearly collapsed when they got home, Euan had to help the kid to the toilet and then to bed so he could rest. It had been yet another battle in Euan's brain. The lad had urgently needed a pee, but he was still weak and struggling to stand. However, after indignantly telling Euan only lassies sat to pee, Euan had no choice but to help the kid. These were the sort of things the nurses had helped with in the hospital, but now there were no nurses, and it wasn't even something Gee could probably offer advice on. There was just Euan... apparently the kid’s father, and fathers apparently did shit like help their sick kids take a slash when they couldn’t stand up very well. When it came to the crunch, it really wasn't a huge deal. The kid got in there with Euan's help, took a wiz and had no protests about being put to bed after it. If parenting was going to be that easy, Euan figured he could probably pull it off somehow. He seemed to be winging it so far.


In fact, once he got Ciaran settled in the spare room, which was basically the kid's room now, he had balked a little when the boy thanked him and said goodnight, even if it was the middle of the day. It had just tweaked something in Euan and after a couple of moments of internal battle, told the kid he could call him dad if he felt like he wanted to... right before turning the light out and doing a bolt from the room and closing the door to avoid any further awkwardness. He might be winging fatherhood, but he was still Euan Fitzpatrick, and that did not a natural father make.

Ryan had been adamant that Ciaran needed to keep resting and stay quiet with as little stress as possible, so Euan figured with the lad asleep, he might catch up on a bit of sleep himself. He had slept a whole lot since Ciaran showed up on his doorstep. He found himself worrying about the boy more often than not, and sleep eluded him. He took a shower and had a shave, something he had been putting off for a few days. Lucky he could rock a goatee when he wanted. He was freshly shaven now, though, and he must have crashed out on the bed for a few hours when he finally let himself relax now Ciaran was on the mend. When he woke, though, the first thing he became aware of was a warm weight on his arm and pins and needles in his hand. After a moment of groggy confusion, he looked down and realised that somehow, at some point, Ciaran had snuck into the bed with him and was now curled up in a ball asleep beside Euan with his head on his Euan's shoulder. Euan blinked and tried to get his bearings a little more, squinting over the boy's shoulder at the digital clock, that told him it was nearing seven pm.

The only way he could pry his tingling hand out from under the lad was to hold him gently by the shoulder and ease it out from under him. Ciaran hardly stirred and Euan took the chance to reach over and grab his glasses so he could see a little better. He shoved a couple of pillows in behind his back so he was raised up a bit and then looked down at the sleeping fourteen year old. His head had slipped down to be resting on Euan's chest with Euan shifting positions, and with a burst of surprise, Euan found himself actually enjoying this moment. He had no idea what had happened to precipitate the kid coming to sleep in his bed, but maybe it just didn't matter? He adjusted the blankets around Ciaran's shoulder and then moved on to brush his blond hair off his face. It was at this moment that Euan only noticed that Gee was standing in the bedroom doorway leaning against the door jamb with a soft smirk. "Shut up," Euan warned quietly, even if he had a hint of a smirk himself. "Don't say a word. I can only imagine what you're thinking."

Gee held her hands up in self defence as her expression switched to one of innocence. "I wouldn't think anything, love. I'm just a girl. No thoughts go through my head at all. Just precious nothingness..." She pushed off the door jamb and came into the room where she kissed Euan softly as she ran her fingers through Ciaran's hair. "But the glasses, the fatherly thing... It's very appealing, Mr Fitzpatrick. Too bad there's a kid in your bed otherwise I might have taken advantage of the thoughts running through my head. We'll just have to save them for later. Is he alright? Settling in okay?" She stayed standing as she looked at the two Irish lads and arched an eyebrow slightly. "Are you okay?"

Euan scrunched up his face a little, analysing how he was for a moment and then with a huff of a laugh, he nodded. "Aye, I am. Weird, huh? Maybe half of me is still freaking the fuck out, but that's a step up from all of me, right? I dunno when he even came in here. He was in his own bed when I last left him. I musta crashed out, and when I woke up, I had a Klingon. He's weak and tired. He was struggling to hold himself up when we got home." He looked down at the boy again. He was out like a light, and did have more colour in his cheeks than he had when he was in hospital. He was on the mend, but they all still needed to take it easy. "Still fucking don't know about any of this. He keeps throwing me curve balls. Like not wanting to sit to piss. Only lassies do that."

"Well, he is a very cute Klingon. Besides, are you really so worried about that? It's not like you haven't woken up with a Klingon before. This one's just not a naked woman." Gee ruffled Euan's hair as she kissed him again before easing onto the bed and brushing the backs of her fingers over Ciaran's cheek. It was easy to forget that he was still so young. He might have been a teenager, but he was only just into that area of his life. He still needed some protection and comfort. "He really is gorgeous, you know. Those Fitzpatrick genes are something. Only lassies? Bollocks to that. I still say he'd rather sit and pee than have a catheter in him."

"He didn't need a catheter, he needed a slash. He just wasn't going to sit down for it. I didn't want him faceplanting the bathroom tiles though, so I just... helped. Figuring right about now that I'm fucking glad the kid is toilet trained. And hey. I'm fucking used to naked women Klingons. I'm not used to kids. Not kids I left in their own beds, too. I thought something was wrong with him, but he seems fine. He's just... here," Euan said with a small, confused shrug. He watched the kid sleeping for a few moments. There was no pained frown this time, no horrible sick colour to his face. He actually looked as peaceful as he had since he arrived. "Still can't fucking believe I did that. It kinda sucks I don't remember, either. The sex can't have been all that awesome. I don't remember her, but I think I'm gonna fly up to Dublin and see her in the slammer. Get more info on the kid. Did you look at those houses?"

Gee couldn't help but nudge Euan as she gave him a look. "You helped because the hidden paternal gene is kicking in. There's no denying it's under all those tatts and dregs of Guinness in your system. There's been a connection formed somewhere along the way. You don't have to understand it, you just need to roll with it. He really is starting to look a lot better. That's a good thing. He needed his dad, that's all it is." Gee pressed her lips together briefly before she gave a nod. "Sure, if you think you will get info our of her. There's no telling how she's going to be. Jail doesn't always make people better. Yeah, I did. Sorry I didn't get a chance to reply. Me and Larson got called to a job. I like the King Henry Road place. It had a nicer look about it."

"I helped because I didn't want him peeing his pants," Euan corrected, still intent on trying to fight this in his head. He knew she was right, though. Something inside him knew that he would probably literally kill for that kid. It was the same thing that had Euan all anxious in his gut when something was wrong with him. The feelings were odd, and he wasn't used to them in any way. A lot of it he didn't understand and he was just doing what he could to make sure Ciaran was okay. For now he seemed to be okay, and he seemed comfortable and was getting better. Sleeping soundly was a good thing, too. None of those disturbing nightmares Euan had witnessed. He ruffled the boy's hair a little and then sighed. "I've got to see her. I want to tell her to her face that I've got the kid. She ain't due out until he's pushing thirty anyway. She's lost all parental rights to him. I want to tell her to her face that her parents are arseholes, too. What fucking grandparents don't know a kid in their care is sick? You've seen him. Even just the look in his eyes shows he's poorly. I don't think he was allowed anything much like TV and computer games either. He's a kid. He should do kid things. That's the place I liked the best, too. The gardens and shit. Close to work, easy drive to Evans' place because I know you two are still joined at the hip."

"Ours is a special kind of love," Gee said as she laughed softly. "And the fact that you get it, is a good thing. But it probably helps he's marrying a bloke soon, right? He's done with me and my vagina. Just not my uterus if you don't have a problem with that. You do what you have to do, love. You know I'll always have your back even if I scream at your face. If you don't want to take him with you, I promise I'll look after him. Maybe just wait until he's not so scared of me though. You are right though. Anyone worth their salt could see he was sick. Of course he was sick! Those grandparents must have some pretty serious anger regarding their daughter to have rejected their own grandson." She blinked before she smiled, and flicked the end of Euan's nose. "Wow, that's the second time we've agreed on something without a fight. Really must be the right place for our home."

Euan smirked. "I'll still believe they wed when I see it. I'm putting money on Legally Hung doing a runner at the alter," he joked, even if there was a part of him that really wasn't sure his current partner would go through with the legal knot. "You're intent on that uterus thing, aren't you? It's handing your own kid over. Sure you're gonna be able to cope with that? Your first born, too. That's a fucking huge thing. Not that I have any avenue to judge right now since I just met my first born and he already has a head full of teeth and can wipe his own arse. I ain't taking him with me. He'll have to stay here. I'll only be gone overnight. He ain't going back there, especially not while the custody case is in the works. I just wanna know what she was playing at dragging a babe into an environment like that. Considering what he was brought up in, I think he's done pretty fucking awesome in growing up. He could be such a screwed up kid. I think he's got issues, but he seems okay so long as someone is around him. That he's not on his own."

Gee shrugged as she met his gaze. "I can give them something they can't just get on their own. He's my best friend, and it's pretty clear Stuart wants kids. I think even Tom wants them when it comes to a life with Stu. It's not really going to be my kid, it'll be theirs. They don't have to use my eggs, they can just keep their bun warm in my oven. I can't really think of a better reason to have a first born. Unless you'd want a kid with me..." Gee trailed off as she looked between Euan and Ciaran. There was still a part of her questioning whether or not Euan would really want any more kids now that he had discovered his ready-made son. "He's probably been starved for affection all this time. I can't really blame him for wanting people around him. I can't even imagine growing up in that sort of a place. It's not even a home... He deserves a real home. I promise I'll look after him for one night. I won't break him. Much."

Euan slowly brushed his fingers through Ciaran's hair. "I dunno, love. Not really the best time to be having the whole kids talk right now. I'm still trying to wrap my head around all of this. I dunno if I want more when I never even friggin wanted them in the past. But suddenly I've got one. I ain't got a fucking clue what to do with him, but I'm realising it's not so bad having him around. It's weird. To stop and think that this kid here is part of me. I made him. That instead of lying in his bed, he comes here to lie with me... just for no real fucking reason. My first thought when I woke up wasn't 'Oh fucking hell, how do I get rid of it?', it was 'Shit, I hope he's warm enough'. Do you know how fucking surreal that is for me? To suddenly be thinking about macaroni cheese and buying extra toilet paper and what school books I'm gonna need to fork out for. I ain't ever felt remotely like this in my life. It's always just been about me. Now it ain't. I dunno if I want more, I just know I want this one to be okay and not hurting. Aye, aye. I fucking know. I must be a pod person right. Would the real fucking Euan Fitzpatrick please stand up. You'd probably have less chance of breaking him than I do."

Gee bit back a grin as she listened to Euan, and watched his face carefully. He was starting to get a fatherly glow, no doubt about it. The awe and pride were definitely coming to the surface even if he was still confused about what to do and how to feel. She waited for him to stop before she leaned in to capture his mouth in a slow, lingering kiss as she rest her hand on his arm. When she pulled back she just smiled at him. "You're still the real Euan, love. You're just evolving. Growing an extra side to the already multidimensional Irishman. I just get to sit back and enjoy the show. And hope like hell I don't damage your kid even if you have more faith in me than I do."

When Ciaran stirred in his sleep and mumbled something unintelligble, Euan froze, waiting to see if he had accidently woken the kid. All that happened though was that Ciaran flopped an arm over Euan's middle and continued to sleep on soundly. Even then, Euan stayed still and silent, watching the boy like a hawk and even holding his breath. After a few moments, it seemed okay to breathe again, though, and he let out a slow breath. "Still... you look at father's like Ryan and there is no fucking way I'll ever live up to that. Even if he thinks he screwed up. There's just... I dunno. Something. Something I ain't ever gonna have. I still have no idea what the fuck I'm gonna do when I have to go back to work, either."

Gee had been watching Ciaran too, and shifted off the bed in case her presence was doing anything to disturb the young boy. She tucked her hands into the pockets of her pants and shrugged. "You have a support network if you want it. Plus there's me. We're not always working the same days. You're just going to have to see how it works before you try and make some changes. It's just going to have to be trial and error for a little while, but I think he'll understand. I think he'd forgive you anything because at least he knows you want him around."

"Where are you going? Can't you see he's practically comatose?" Euan asked in confusion as he watched her move. "You keep saying this support network, but everyone works. Everyone. You work. Ryan was also adamant the kid couldn't go to school yet. Not until everything settles with this thing. I feel like I'm screwed. Maybe I will need to give up being a copper. But... being a copper is who I am. I don't want to toss in the towel with it."

Gee wet her lips before she sat back down, her mouth pulled to the side briefly as she looked at Ciaran again. "I just... I didn't want to get in the way. I wasn't sure if I was waking him up. You mentioned going part-time and maybe working with Vee a little. You wouldn't be giving up the copper thing for good then. But didn't she think being a policeman was who she was? She seems happy as an investigator. It's still a little like being a copper."

"He's like a dead weight against me. He just... sleeps restless sometimes. At least there's no fucking bad dreams. Watching him have one of those, it's... he screams," Euan mumbled with a small frown, watching Ciaran's face. "Cries, calls out for help. I don't know what he is hiding in that brain of his, but it's some harsh shit. But maybe it was just because he was ill and feverish. I hope that's all it was. It's not the same. Being a copper is the only thing I've ever succeeded at. It's the only thing I pulled off without getting into more fucking trouble. I couldn't live without my work. I couldn't. It keeps me sane, and trust me... you cannot let me get restless. Alright? You gotta promise me that. The minute I lose my footing and get restless, the cravings come back. Being a copper gives me the focus to stay clean."

"I'll slap you upside the head quicker than you can swear at me, love. Promise." Gee's words might have been intended as a joke, but her expression was serious as she held his gaze and gave a nod to indicate that she promised. "Maybe I should take a bit of leave? I can cover things until it's time for Ciaran to get enrolled in school. I'm just trying to look at options. My parents are retired... There's the pseudo-grandparent option. Screams? Jesus..." Her eyes fell back to the sleeping boy and she started stroking her fingers through his blond hair soothingly. "He really needs to talk to someone."

Euan put a hand up and scratched his fingers roughly through his hair. It was like his head always wanted to hurt when he tried to sort everything out in his head. He still had to tell his brother and sister they were an aunty and uncle. He was nervous about that. He had no idea how they would take it. "Would your folks be okay to take care of a kid with issues like this? I ain't saying he'd be a burden, but he doesn't say a whole lot and I think you're right. He needs help. I just never trusted fucking shrinks, so I wouldn't even know where to start finding one for the kid. This all feels like trying to fit your cock into jocks three sizes too small."

Gee moved her hand to rub Euan's side and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "That's got to be at least something Ryan can help with, right? He must have referrals. A shrink you can hopefully trust enough with your kid. And my parents would... understand after I've spoken to them? Maybe we just need to do a whole meet the parents thing and get it over with. They can meet Ciaran too. He can see that not all Italian ladies are scary and crazy and my Mum's cooking is just the best."

"He doesn't think you're scary and crazy. He was asking Ryan about you... me... you and me. You just haven't had a chance to talk to him much. Not that he does talk a whole fucking lot, but he answers if you talk to him. I dunno. I think he's just a quiet kid. Artists are broody, aye? I'm not sure I want to have them just understand. He's already been through crap with his own grandparents. I don't want him to just feel like he's lumped there because there is nowhere else he can be." Euan groaned and massaged his temples. "Why isn't any of this just easy?"

"Because you're a father now, and it's a whole new bag of responsibility, love," Gee replied quietly. "Artists can be broody, but being quiet doesn't mean he's broody. It might just mean he hasn't had much of a chance to be able to express himself yet. Those Fitzpatrick genes are still in there somewhere. Alright, so no grandparents. I am just trying to help you here."

"I know you are, and I would love nothing more than for your parents to be the grandparents he never had... that's something not even I can give him. But he's the kid of two drug addicts. He's a bit messed up emotionally, he's physically ill. You really think I want to lay that on your folks and expect them to just welcome him with open arms? Why would anyone want to?" Euan could feel something emotional stirring in his gut. It wasn't quite an urge like he wanted to cry, but it was something akin to complete helplessness. He didn't usually get invested in anything so deeply to feel this, and it was throwing him for a loop. And he still needed a fucking cigarette.

Gee managed to manoeuvre herself so that she could wrap her arms around Euan and kissed his temple before she rest her head against his. "Because I love you, and you're Ciaran's father. Sometimes family isn't always about expectations. It's just about being there when someone needs you. We might need them. Why shouldn't they welcome him with open arms? Why shouldn't they welcome you with open arms?"

"Because parents hate me. It's a written rule," Euan insisted and then shrugged. "In fact, a lot of people hate me. I'm an arsehole. I just happen to be a very good one."

"You keep saying that, but you have a kid climbing in your bed because he knows he's safe with you, and you have a woman that's madly in love with you even if she does want to give you some love smacks from time to time." Gee smiled as she rubbed her hand against his shoulder. "So you can keep trying to tell the world you're an arsehole and even though I do know you're capable of being one, that's not all you are, Euan."

Euan cleared his throat and formed his lips in a tight line for a moment. "Be thankful right this minute that I have a kid weighing me down and stopping me from bolting like I did when I told him he could call me dad, but... aye. I do too. Love you," he added gruffly. "However an arsehole is capable of that, anyway."

Gee gave him a gentle shove before slipping from the bed again. She kissed the top of his head. "I forgive you for wanting to do a bolt. But I'll save you, and remove myself for a few minutes. I'll go make us some tea before getting my PJs on. Not sure Ciaran will need a naked woman walking around and I have the distinct feeling I'll wind up sleeping on the couch."

Euan shook his head. "I'll take him back to his bed in a wee while. He hasn't had dinner, either, so he'll need something to eat. You need to stop that, alright? He's not going to shove you aside and you don't need to keep removing yourself from the situation. This ain't gonna work if you keep doing that."

Gee held her hands up. "I'm not, I'm just trying to give him the time with you he needs. That's all. And he just looks so bloody cute and comfortable right now. I'll make the tea and I'll get him something to eat. Have you eaten?"

Euan watched her closely... analytically, trying to make sure she was telling the truth. "I just wanted to make sure. I really don't mind him coming here, but he needs to be comfortable in his own bed too. I really don't know how to handle any of this. I just hope I can get my arse into gear and try to figure it out somehow. I haven't had anything. I wouldn't even know what to feed him. Food is a good start. Plus, those meds. I think the meds are more important than food."

"He can have the meds and the food. There's nothing stopping him from having both," Gee told Euan quietly as she kissed him softly again. "You let me take care of that, and I'll leave you with the fun job of waking up a sleeping teenager. He might be a quiet kid, but guaranteed he's not going to appreciate being dug out of a deep slumber."

Euan snorted and scrunched his nose up. "Wow, thanks. All this supportive chick stuff, yet I get left with all the dirty jobs." He stretched a little and looked down at Ciaran, and found himself reluctant to actually wake him. "Maybe I should just wait til the food is ready...? I don't want the kid to bite me."

Gee started to back away and stuck her tongue out at Euan. "For an arsehole you sure are a big coward."

Euan pulled his lips to the side and then flipped her off. "Oh aye? I personally think a coward would have just told the kid to fuck off as soon as he showed up." He was quiet for a few beats before he spoke again. "... I don't want to disturb him yet," he admitted to her, and although he probably wouldn't admit it out loud, at some point, he had come to like the fact the kid had come to lie with him without any awkwardness. It was just... nice.

Word Count | 4,647