RP LOG with thinbluegee | Change of plans
As tempting as it was for Stuart to just stayed curled up in bed with Tom while he was all fluey and gross, he knew that he had to do one thing before he died in a ball of Man Flu misery. So, after a warm shower, he stuffed a load of cold remedies down his throat, filled his pockets with tissues, and got a cab into the city. He couldn't believe how tired he was. It was a struggle to keep his eyes open as the city passed by the taxi. He knew he must've looked a right sight with a hoodie on in the middle of the summer, but the fever was giving him a chill and if people wanted to think he was a freak, so be it. Tom had been sleeping when he was trying to get ready to leave, so he left him two notes... one on his pillow explaining where he was going and that he wouldn't be too long, and then a post-it taped to Tom's hand telling him to read the note on the pillow. He didn't want Tom to wake up and think he had pissed off again. That was the last thing he wanted.
Now he was standing on the doorstep of a familiar apartment, and he pushed the elbow of his injured arm against the doorbell while he wiped his nose after a sneezing fit. He was sure it was a miracle his head hadn't exploded, because it really felt like it was about to. As he waited, he caught sight of his engagement ring, on his right hand for the moment for sake-keeping, and smiled. They had been through a lot of shit, and Stuart knew he had never been so upset in his life than he had been when he thought his relationship with Tom was over, but he hoped now they were back on the right track. He had finally admitted to Tom, too, that he didn't think he was over the whole accident ordeal. It had been that fear of losing Tom that had fueled most of his reactions to the Liam thing. At some point, he was going to have to seek out a psychologist in London. He could admit enough to know he needed to talk a lot of the fears out so there wasn't anymore misunderstandings like that in the future. A shiver swept over him and he jiggled on the spot again, pressing the buzzer with a bit more impatience now. "Come on..." he mumbled to himself. If there was fucking going on inside, they could fucking wait until he went home.
Gee had been curled up next to Euan, enjoying their lazy day together. She hadn't had to go into work so they'd spent the majority of it alternating between sex, sleep, and eating. It was like having Amsterdam in London. Just without the pot. She hadn't been as into the drugs as Euan, but she'd enjoyed just having him all to herself. As the buzzer cut through her dream, she made a face and cracked open an eye to see if Euan had stirred. His face was squashed into her shoulder and he seemed oblivious to anyone trying to crash in on their blissful little bubble.
With some seriously awesome ninja skills Gee managed to move him enough that his face was shoved up against the pillow instead and she could get out of the bed to get the door. It had better be important, or whoever was on the other side was going to get a very pissed off Italian woman ripping them a new one in just one of Euan's shirts. The buzzer went again, and she raked her fingers through her unruly curls to try and make herself a little presentable. "Alright, alright, keep your fucking knickers on," she called out before pulling the door open and staring at the unexpected visitor. "Stuart? What the hell are you doing here?"
Stuart glanced over her with a small scrunch of her nose. "Do you even fecking work anymore?" and then held his good hand up containing the tissue with a small shrug. "Surprise?" he offered, right before catching another sharp sneeze in the soggy tissue. The force of it nearly knocked him backwards, but a shift of his weight on his feet stopped him falling on his arse. He was really surprised he even had sinuses left and hadn't snotted them out somewhere around 3am when he had sneezed all over Tom's shoulder no less than twelve times in a row. By the time he had been done, they were both laughing about it. It had felt good to laugh with Tom again.
"Of course I fucking do. You just always seem to land on my doorstep when I'm not." She reached out to tug him inside before wrapping her arms around him. "Surprise? You make me cry and then just rock back up like it was nothing. You're such a fucking arse pain... But I missed you. What's going on? Are you okay?"
"Sor-ry for breathing," Stuart threw back jokingling. "Only not. Kinda have the whole Darth Vadar thing happening right now, and I dinnae even get a cool light saber to stroke. Totally cheated, I'll tell you." He hugged her back with one arm, feeling a twinge of dejavu sweeping through him, only this time, he wasn't bawling his eyes out about trying to walk away from her. That had been harder than he had anticipated and it was one of the main reasons he had crawled out of his Man Flu coocoon with Tom to come over and see her. He didn't want the grapevine getting to her before he did, because that would just be unfair and fucked up. "I missed my flight," he added with a small smirk.
Gee pulled back to look at him, cupping his face in her hand as she tried to assess how sick he was just from scrutinising him. "Might have to get you the helmet though, you look like shit. This is not a sight that needs to be walking the streets. Sit down, I'll get you some tea. You shouldn't even be out of bed, but I appreciate the visit. Where are you even staying?" Gee blinked as her brow creased. "Missed your--Wait, are you and Tom... I mean, I know it can't just be missing your desk at work."
Gee's hands felt cool against his face and his eyes slipped close momentarily with a sigh. They felt nice. "You know, if I was paranoid, I'd probably take offense at that comment, but aye, I look like utter shite. It's worth it, though. Even if I look like something that belongs in a horror movie. Wee kids would probably think I was oot to steal their sweeties or something. I'm staying at hame... with Tom. I couldnae go. I got on the plane, but then I got off. I was just sitting there looking at my parents, and it just hit me that I was making a huge mistake. I hadnae said goodbye to him, but I didnae want to either. I couldnae just... walk away."
Stuart's reaction didn't escape her and she kept her hands on his face a little longer before guiding him to the sofa. "Sit. Please. I'll get tea and an ice pack. We still have them in the freezer from when Euan wasn't feeling so good. I got him a couple. I think the kiddies would throw their sweets at you before running away screaming. Trust me, you've looked a lot better. And I say that with all the love in the world," Gee added with a small smirk. "I'm selfish enough to be glad you didn't go, but I just want to know you're happy with not going. There's no regret setting in yet? Things are... good?"
"That storm, I got caught in it. It started pissing doon just as I left Heathrow. I just kinda rode through it, my mind wasnae on worrying aboot getting sick from a wee bit of rain. Okay, a fecking massive bit of rain, but even then, I wasnae much thinking. I think nearly leaving and getting that close to really losing him made me realise a lot of things..." Stuart sat down on the sofa and loosened the hoodie around his neck a little now he was inside. "In saying that, I also think I wasnae thinking too straight since I saw that DVD. Nay saying I'm mental or anything, but I was functioning on emotions that shouldnae ever be allowed to dictate important decisions. I was... scared. Somehow being that terrified of losing him made me think that walking away to protect myself was the best idea. I did want to go hame, I really did. I wanted to run and hide because it hurt so much, but getting on that plane, it hurt so much fecking more. Things will be okay. I think we still have a lot to work through. But we're giving it another go."
"Better trying to work through things together," Gee offered before she disappeared into the kitchen to put on water to boil, and grabbed the ice pack from the freezer. She came back to gently place it over his forehead and gave his shoulder a squeeze. "I can't blame you for the DVD thing, I really can't. I saw you when you watched it. I've never been so worried about someone's reaction in my entire life. I still don't know what I thought you would do. Leaving for Scotland was... I get it. Sometimes you do just want to go home and hide. Still, you knew you didn't want to say goodbye to him, you knew you wanted to try with Tom. I think it's amazing."
Stuart rested his head back against the sofa. The ice pack felt nice on his hot face, even if the rest of him was chilled. "He's still... I dinnae know. It's like he has to prove everything, even if I keep telling him he doesnae. Like he expects my family to hate him, when they dinnae. It's a wee bit hard, like. I'm worried what I say is the wrong thing, and that nay matter what I say, it isnae enough. I know I fucked up. I made mistakes, and I didnae believe what I should have. But at the end of the day the sort of hurt my family talk aboot when they say they dinnae want me hurt isnae this. If he cheated on me, fine. Or if he deliberately did or said things to hurt me. There's been none of that. Now I'm just scared things are right back to square one, and that he'll never be comfortable with my family again."
Gee took as seat on the coffee table in front of him as she listened out for the jug boiling, and rest her elbows on her knees. "It's not as if I've been through the same thing, it's not as if me and Euan are even on the same level... Every relationship is different, but here's the thing - at the end of the day, most of the time all that matters if how you feel about the person. Sooner or later it will sink in. Look at me with Sleeping Beauty. How often have you had to pull my head in about him, and just told me to either accept him, or move on. Tom just needs someone to pull in his reins. He'll get his head straight when he realises you're here to stay. That you're here because you love him with all your heart. He's probably gone through hell thinking he'd fucked things up beyond repair."
"Except not," Stuart added softly. "It matters what my family think of him, and what he thinks of them. I cannae help that. There hasnae been a day gone by that my family hasnae been a counting factor in my life, and that cannae change. Aye... and I'm nay denying that. But what if he never gets over that? I cannae marry him if he thinks my family hate him."
"Then you need to explain it to him so he understands... You need to be clear about what you want, and what your boundaries are. If he can't take you with your family then maybe he really isn't the one you should be marrying," Gee suggested gently.
Even just hearing the words from another person's mouth had an anxiety shooting up in Stuart and icy fear spiking through him again. It even came with that urge to cry. "I just want him to get it," he said, his voice shaky from just thinking about walking away from Tom again. It was stupid for him to just want things to be easy, but he did. Everything else had been so hard, his fiance and his family loving each other was one thing he just hoped could come happily. It was probably one of the most important things to him. "I've been clear. I've explained it, I've even told him how much Angus needs him. But we hit stumbling blocks when we talk about it. I feel like I've said the wrong thing. But I'm nay making a huge issue out of this. I'm really nay, after everything, I dinnae have the energy for that. I want him to just see they love him. I think he trusts Braden, but Brades is a big cuddly puppy. He'll only bite your hand off if you give him reason to."
Gee cleared her throat as she rest her hand on his knee. "Do they? I know they love you, and they'd probably respect someone who you fell in love with, but do they love him? His reputation is part of what got him into trouble. What's to say that your brothers are ever really going to trust him? Your brothers are all good blokes, but to play devil's advocate for a moment here, no wonder Tom's out to prove something. He probably needs to feel like he's worthy of the love of your family. He just needs to cement that he's earned it. I don't know, Stu. I wish I could say either way. I don't think it's right he's probably going to risk things all over again because he's got it into his head he's not really worthy of your family, but maybe he still feels like he's going to wake up with a bagpipe up his arse?"
"Aye, they do! If you dinnae believe it, how will he? I'm screwed, because I have nay idea how to convince him otherwise. I literally have no idea what to do aboot any of this." Stuart scratched his fingers through his hair and sat quietly for a moment, thinking the situation over. "Cannae it be seen that my family have gone through a lot? They've seen through a lot of weird and wonderful things, and they dinnae judge. Even Kenzie, who is pregnant by a lad she cannae even mind, they have accepted her unconditionally. Because you know why? She makes Bradie happy. He smiles because of her and she has made him feel alive again. That's Tom for me. I know we've had the stumbling blocks, he nearly died. He nearly lost his life. It was a long hard road to recover from, and we're even nay quite there yet. They didnae ever once deny how he made me feel. Nay once. They love him because they already know he's worthy."
Gee held her hand up. "I didn't say I didn't. I was just asking questions. You have to realise Tom's not used to this kind of family either. Ethan's been the only person that's acted like a brother to him, right? He probably does assume he fucked up too much for them to still love him. Of course he'd see what your family has been through. Look, I don't know, Stu. I really don't. I'm just trying to cover bases. If Tom is the one who makes you smile, then get through this. He'll just have to understand or he'll get more than a set of bagpipes up his arse when I'm done with him."
"Maybe I should get Gus to just talk to him? Nay talking the law suit for Keira, just... talk. Lay the cards on the table? Do you think that would work? I think it's Gus he's most scared of. Then he can maybe tackle Iain. My parents were the ones who told me to go back to him, I dinnae even think they really believed for a minute I wanted to go, but they humoured me. They know me better than I know myself." Stuart bit his lip anxiously. "I need this to work, Gee. I want to be happy too."
Gee took his hand as she gave it a squeeze. "You will be. I know it. Maybe you've seen a lot of bumps with Tom, but hopefully it just means they're out of the way early and you get smooth sailing from here. I think Gus talking to him might be a really good idea. I can understand why Tom would be wary of him when Gus was the one waiting outside when all the shit hit the fan. You can't really blame him for that."
Stuart scrunched his face up and dropped his head back against the sofa. "All assuming I get my job back," he had to point out. He hadn't wanted to just dump it on her, but as they spoke, he was realising there was no easy way to just work up to it and ease it into things.
She gave a nod before jumping up to make the tea quickly, and bring the teapot and mugs over onto the coffee table before sitting down on the sofa next to him. "Well, that really is the most important question. What do you think will happen? It's not like you've had a bad track record, or performance. You've just had a lot of personal stuff pile on top of you. They have to understand that... Don't they?"
Stuart cleared his sore throat, or tried to at least. He was fiddling with the sling again near his neck. He really couldn't wait until he could be short of the bastard. "Isnae my track record that's in question. It depends if a contract for my job has been offered to anyone else. I dinnae know, I'm waiting for a phone call back. At the end of the day, they might prefer a DS in the hot seat rather than just another lowly DC. Technically, the transfer hasnae been processed. They told me that wouldnae happen with HR for aboot two weeks from when I submitted it. That doesnae mean I will automatically just walk back into the job. They might want to put me somewhere else in London."
Gee started to chew on her nail as she listened, her eyes going unfocused for a moment as she thought about the man sleeping away in the other room. At least she assumed he was still sleeping. "They offered it to Euan."
Stuart remained quiet for a few moments, drawing in a small breath. "Aye..." he finally murmured, looking down at his feet. "Figured as much. Cannae nay deny it, he is leaps and bounds the detective over me. If it comes doon to experience, I've nay hope. Isnae like he doesnae deserve a metropolitan position. He's been working the NYPD, for feck's sake!"
Gee reached out to take Stuart's hand as she gave it a squeeze. "He said no, love. He turned them down. He knows what it would mean for us, and he knows we'd implode if we kept being partners. Besides, no one would ever live up to you in my head."
Stuart looked at her uncertainly. "He said no?" he asked in disbelief, not sure if he actually followed what she was saying. "Just like that? But it was an open post. Where is he supposed to be going when his sick leave is done? Wait... you... nay, you would've found someone way better, Gee! We just... popped each other's partner cherry, so to speak."
"There's a reason why your first is sometimes unforgettable," Gee replied with a small shrug. "You're my best friend, and you're the partner I want and need. I happen to think of you as more than just the first partner to pop my cherry. He doesn't know where he could wind up. He could go anywhere. I know it might not seem like it, but he really did make the right choice. The possibility of a distance relationship is not great. He's even said he doesn't see the point in them."
"So... what happens if he gets posted away from London?" Stuart asked quietly, watching her face intently. "What happens if I do?" he suddenly added, when the realisation dawned on him with a small gasp.
Gee bit her lip. "I get left alone..." She slumped down on the sofa, her head falling back against the back of it as that thought sat about as well as a ton of lead. "I don't know what's going to happen. He joked about cybersex, but once he's gone from the city... this will probably stop being fun. He wants fun. And if you do, well... I don't know."
Stuart shrugged his shoulders up like he suddenly got hit with a chill when a cold lump felt like it formed in his gut. It was a domino effect of shit lately. None of this was anything he had considered prior to now. He had considered Euan might be offered his job, and had just assumed the guy would take it, and that would give him a foundation in London. But the rest of this was bullshit, and his fluey mind was struggling with it. What the fuck would happen if it came down to a question of his career versus Tom's? "He willnae go... he's too experienced. He might nay stay in central London, but I doubt he'll go oot of the city," he mumbled.
Gee didn't dare to look too hopeful but her stomach did settle just a little bit at the idea of Euan being closer than in some backwater village. "Hopefully they'll realise how good of a detective they have in you and keep you close by, too. I'd rather they gave you your position back, but I know I shouldn't get my hopes up. I didn't even want to think about what was going to happen with Euan. It's just meant to be fun..."
"I cannae believe how much of a mess everything has become," Stuart admitted quietly. "Even trying to fix it all and put the pieces back together, it's just... a complete fecking mess. I wasnae expecting a miracle, I know things werenae just going to go back to how they were, but I hoped the things that were easy just would. I just want a fecking break. When am I gonna get a fecking break? I'm so friggin tired, it isnae funny. My job was everything to me. I was so fecking proud of myself for getting that promotion in London after it was torn oot from under me in Edinburgh by my bitch ex. It wasnae easy finding my feet doon here, but I did it, and I was good at it. But I-I couldnae have handled just staying here withoot him. It was hurting too much, and I walked away... I tried to stop everything hurting so much. Now I just... might be right back to square one when I've worked so hard. I dinnae know what to do. I've fecking messed everything up all over again. I never seem to be able to get it right. I cannae even convince my fiance that my family are happy to have him in my life. Maybe Euan has a fecking point, like. Maybe Tom had a point before when he didnae want relationships. Look what happens. Do you really want to bother?"
"Maybe he is, but I guess... I guess at the end of the day some of us enjoy having something - or someone - that's just ours. Tom was the reason you got off the plane, he's why you came back. There's something in that, don't you think? And just remember you haven't really been giving a chance to find a balance together. I really do think it's your time now to have a break. You more than deserve it, and you really did deserve the promotion." Gee rubbed at her face before she scooted closer to Stuart and wrapped her arms around him. "I think first you just need to let Tom look after you while you're sick. I also think you need to go and see the boss when you aren't so diseased. Make a call first, too. Let her know what's going on. Keeping superiors in the loop does help. I am glad you're back... I'll do anything I can to help. You know that, right?"
Stuart pressed his lips together rightly and fought the urge exhale too sharply in case he got into a snotty mess. "Honestly? I dinnae really know much of anything right now. I know you would want to help, and if I asked you for it, you would do it unconditionally... I just dinnae know what any of that would be. It wasnae that I just expected to walk back into the job. It's more just a fact that I didnae even stop to think about that. It was only Tom. It's still only Tom. I just still worked hard to get to where I am, and my job is still a big part of me. He's just more of a part of me now. I want it to work, I'm just scared after our track record, that maybe we're just going to keep encountering shite, you know? It's been one thing after another." He gestured with his hand to her. "You dinnae have to worry. They arenae going to put him on as a DS only to send him away to another city. Me, on the other hand, has already showed a willingness to go elsewhere. Could go against me. You might end up with a whole new partner entirely."
Gee made a face as she nodded. "I know... I'll try not to give them too much shit. And try not to think they're eccentric phantom piddlers, or something. It'll work out, Stu. Somehow. You could always go be Vee's partner in the whole PI thing. Work for Tom and with Tom. Maybe it's what you need. That way you can look after him still, and he has that safety net of knowing you're close. It would still be a version of your job, and you'd be in the city."
"Fuck, no!" Stuart replied immediately and held up his hand. "No offense to her, or anything like that, but I have wanted to be a copper and a detective my whole life. I have been fucked over, beaten up, fucking stabbed to get this far in the career. I am not turfing it away to become a friggin PI. I love Tom with my whole heart and soul, but not him, not me, not anyone is worth giving up on what I really worked for. I'd go back to being a uniform before I did that."
Gee held her hands up as she gave him an apologetic look. "Alright, alright. It was just a suggestion. Don't go biting my head off. I don't fancy all your slobbery mucus covering me." She shifted to pour them both tea and picked up her mug to cradle it as she looked at him. "Just talk to the boss. At least she can give you better guidance, and a clearer idea of what might happen."
Stuart sipped the tea, shooting her an apologetic look. "I'm sorry. It's just been a really fucked up couple of years for me. I didnae think I'd ever want to be in another serious relationship again after my ex... Tom just made the risk more than worth it. What would happen if Euan stayed in the department, just with a partner of his own. How would you feel about that? Hell, how would you feel if she was a leggy, single blonde female?"
"I'd try very hard not to come off as a jealous girlfriend that might snap her legs and ram them where the sun doesn't shine," she told him with a calm smile. "But I can't stop him if he wants to have his fun elsewhere. All part of that leopards and spots thing, isn't it? I'm the one that loves the leopard. Spots and all. You need to sort things out with Tom, love. Maybe now the dust is settling a little bit it's time to broach the topic of the actual wedding. It might be a way to deal with the family side of things without seeming like that's your focus."
"But he agreed to dating, right? Doesnae that mean exclusively? Technically, the rules say he cannae have his fun elsewhere if he agreed to that. My argument there would be that you really dinnae know what his spots were to start with. You admitted yourself he surprised you with how good a date he was. Maybe these are his date spots, and you willnae have anything to worry aboot with a new chick partner?" Stuart chewed on his lip and rested them against the rim of the mug as he thought for a moment. "You dinnae think it's too soon, like? I dinnae want to upset him or scare him away, thinking I'm pushing anything. In saying that, I did maybe have a tiny wee bit of a passing thought how cool it would be to get married on the tenth of the tenth 2010. But this was before we had any problems. It was being swept up in a moment... on the cruise."
Gee nodded. "Yeah, he did. And yeah, he did. Doesn't mean he has to like it... Can he have date spots? I kinda feel like doing something datey with him again. We dinnae always get a chance. We've spent most of the time inside when I'm off. Maybe he needs to get out? He's got a record with his partners, but maybe it's just time for it to end... Or maybe the Fates will actually land him with a male partner." Gee smirked a little at the thought. "That's still a little while away. And you have enough of us around to help you get organised for then. Plus with his best mate's influential name you'd probably get any venue you wanted. You won't know if it's too soon until you try. Leave the eggshells behind and just start living."
Stuart smirked. "Are you really going to try and tell me now he would be doing something he doesnae like? I'm sorry, but I've met him and dealt with him. I have everything you have said about him, and he isnae going to do shit he doesnae like. He didnae even stay in hospital when he was supposed to! He just did his partners because he could, because there was no reason why he shouldnae. Things have changed. Do something datey with him, even if you have to take it easy. Just mind what you eat if you go oot. Tom still feels funny with strong food sometimes, then he just wants to lie down if he does. Cannae blame him. Devlin has a male partner, and he makes it work. It's all aboot who you trust." He looked at her warily. "I guess I'm just nervous that he'll say he just wants to wait. Wouldnae blame him for that at all."
"And maybe he doesn't want to wait. He just nearly lost you. This might be what convinces you both that you won't lose each other again," Gee urged. She took a sip of tea, and nodded. "I know, I know... He really wouldn't be here, or let me be here if he didn't want it. Mild food while we're out? So... shit, I don't know. Does anywhere even do mild food? Maybe we could just go and see a movie... Or take a little walk somewhere."
"There's a place nay far from his office building that does all this awesome fresh takeaway food. Nothing stodgy, like. Tom seems to like it. Stir fries and shit like that. It's only aboot a block walk from the building, but I cannae mind the name of it. It's a sit doon restaurant too. We got a couple of meals from there when we got back from the cruise. Hm... maybe I should take something hame for him too. Dinnae think anyone's going to want to think aboot cooking, and I really dinnae have an appetite anyway," Stuart murmured in thought, trying to fight the urge to text Tom just to say hello. He didn't want to wake him up if he was still asleep. "You dinnae think trying to plan the wedding would just be a knee-jerk reaction to what's all happened?" When his phone buzzed in his pocket, he jumped and nearly crapped himself in fright at the sudden sound.
Gee reached out to give Stuart's shoulder a squeeze to try and calm him, even if her own heart was thumping at the sudden reaction. "Are you okay? It's just a phone, love. Isn't it? Please tell me Tom doesn't have some sort of remote controlled prostate massager installed in you. Hmm... I think I'll look it up and take him there. I just don't want him feeling like he has to stay trapped here, and he is a lot better than he was. It's time to start easing him into going outside. A date wouldn't really hurt either. And no, I don't think it's a knee-jerk reaction. I think you're entitled to assess your priorities after something like this."
"It's just my phone," Stuart said with a small amused snort as he struggled to get it out of his jeans pocket one handed. "He prefers manual prostate massaging. Even if there has only been a wee bit of comfort sex since all the shite when doon. If he's ready to get up and aboot, just do it. You can always come hame if it gets too much. Just makes sure he tells you if it does. Tom doesnae always say when he feels crap, and then he's feeling really bad before it's too late." He finally got the phone out to get the message and his face paled a little. "Oh... fuck. I have to go. I have to go now," he said, shaking his worriedly.
"Is everything okay? Stuart, what happened? Is it Tom?" Gee sat forward as she took the tea off him. "Do you want a ride to... wherever... Let me put some trousers on."
Stuart shook his head and got up out of the chair. For a moment, he just stood there, not really sure what to do straight away. "No, it's nay okay. It's nay Tom. It's... fuck, it's Hayden. He's fallen, Iain says he in hospital, went in an ambulance. I need to get there now. Iain will be beside himself. I dinnae... shit, it doesnae make sense. Ryan never lets the lad oot of his sight."
Gee stood up and squeezed Stuart's shoulder in reassurance. "Just take a breath, okay? I'll put some clothes on and I'll give you a ride. I'll just let Euan know where I'm going. Or at least leave a note if he's dead to the world. I'll get you there. You don't need to fuck about with cabs while you're sick."
Stuart nodded. "Aye... okay, thanks," he mumbled distractedly, looking down at the text again. When was this shit storm ever going to stop pouring?
Word Count | 6,029
Now he was standing on the doorstep of a familiar apartment, and he pushed the elbow of his injured arm against the doorbell while he wiped his nose after a sneezing fit. He was sure it was a miracle his head hadn't exploded, because it really felt like it was about to. As he waited, he caught sight of his engagement ring, on his right hand for the moment for sake-keeping, and smiled. They had been through a lot of shit, and Stuart knew he had never been so upset in his life than he had been when he thought his relationship with Tom was over, but he hoped now they were back on the right track. He had finally admitted to Tom, too, that he didn't think he was over the whole accident ordeal. It had been that fear of losing Tom that had fueled most of his reactions to the Liam thing. At some point, he was going to have to seek out a psychologist in London. He could admit enough to know he needed to talk a lot of the fears out so there wasn't anymore misunderstandings like that in the future. A shiver swept over him and he jiggled on the spot again, pressing the buzzer with a bit more impatience now. "Come on..." he mumbled to himself. If there was fucking going on inside, they could fucking wait until he went home.
Gee had been curled up next to Euan, enjoying their lazy day together. She hadn't had to go into work so they'd spent the majority of it alternating between sex, sleep, and eating. It was like having Amsterdam in London. Just without the pot. She hadn't been as into the drugs as Euan, but she'd enjoyed just having him all to herself. As the buzzer cut through her dream, she made a face and cracked open an eye to see if Euan had stirred. His face was squashed into her shoulder and he seemed oblivious to anyone trying to crash in on their blissful little bubble.
With some seriously awesome ninja skills Gee managed to move him enough that his face was shoved up against the pillow instead and she could get out of the bed to get the door. It had better be important, or whoever was on the other side was going to get a very pissed off Italian woman ripping them a new one in just one of Euan's shirts. The buzzer went again, and she raked her fingers through her unruly curls to try and make herself a little presentable. "Alright, alright, keep your fucking knickers on," she called out before pulling the door open and staring at the unexpected visitor. "Stuart? What the hell are you doing here?"
Stuart glanced over her with a small scrunch of her nose. "Do you even fecking work anymore?" and then held his good hand up containing the tissue with a small shrug. "Surprise?" he offered, right before catching another sharp sneeze in the soggy tissue. The force of it nearly knocked him backwards, but a shift of his weight on his feet stopped him falling on his arse. He was really surprised he even had sinuses left and hadn't snotted them out somewhere around 3am when he had sneezed all over Tom's shoulder no less than twelve times in a row. By the time he had been done, they were both laughing about it. It had felt good to laugh with Tom again.
"Of course I fucking do. You just always seem to land on my doorstep when I'm not." She reached out to tug him inside before wrapping her arms around him. "Surprise? You make me cry and then just rock back up like it was nothing. You're such a fucking arse pain... But I missed you. What's going on? Are you okay?"
"Sor-ry for breathing," Stuart threw back jokingling. "Only not. Kinda have the whole Darth Vadar thing happening right now, and I dinnae even get a cool light saber to stroke. Totally cheated, I'll tell you." He hugged her back with one arm, feeling a twinge of dejavu sweeping through him, only this time, he wasn't bawling his eyes out about trying to walk away from her. That had been harder than he had anticipated and it was one of the main reasons he had crawled out of his Man Flu coocoon with Tom to come over and see her. He didn't want the grapevine getting to her before he did, because that would just be unfair and fucked up. "I missed my flight," he added with a small smirk.
Gee pulled back to look at him, cupping his face in her hand as she tried to assess how sick he was just from scrutinising him. "Might have to get you the helmet though, you look like shit. This is not a sight that needs to be walking the streets. Sit down, I'll get you some tea. You shouldn't even be out of bed, but I appreciate the visit. Where are you even staying?" Gee blinked as her brow creased. "Missed your--Wait, are you and Tom... I mean, I know it can't just be missing your desk at work."
Gee's hands felt cool against his face and his eyes slipped close momentarily with a sigh. They felt nice. "You know, if I was paranoid, I'd probably take offense at that comment, but aye, I look like utter shite. It's worth it, though. Even if I look like something that belongs in a horror movie. Wee kids would probably think I was oot to steal their sweeties or something. I'm staying at hame... with Tom. I couldnae go. I got on the plane, but then I got off. I was just sitting there looking at my parents, and it just hit me that I was making a huge mistake. I hadnae said goodbye to him, but I didnae want to either. I couldnae just... walk away."
Stuart's reaction didn't escape her and she kept her hands on his face a little longer before guiding him to the sofa. "Sit. Please. I'll get tea and an ice pack. We still have them in the freezer from when Euan wasn't feeling so good. I got him a couple. I think the kiddies would throw their sweets at you before running away screaming. Trust me, you've looked a lot better. And I say that with all the love in the world," Gee added with a small smirk. "I'm selfish enough to be glad you didn't go, but I just want to know you're happy with not going. There's no regret setting in yet? Things are... good?"
"That storm, I got caught in it. It started pissing doon just as I left Heathrow. I just kinda rode through it, my mind wasnae on worrying aboot getting sick from a wee bit of rain. Okay, a fecking massive bit of rain, but even then, I wasnae much thinking. I think nearly leaving and getting that close to really losing him made me realise a lot of things..." Stuart sat down on the sofa and loosened the hoodie around his neck a little now he was inside. "In saying that, I also think I wasnae thinking too straight since I saw that DVD. Nay saying I'm mental or anything, but I was functioning on emotions that shouldnae ever be allowed to dictate important decisions. I was... scared. Somehow being that terrified of losing him made me think that walking away to protect myself was the best idea. I did want to go hame, I really did. I wanted to run and hide because it hurt so much, but getting on that plane, it hurt so much fecking more. Things will be okay. I think we still have a lot to work through. But we're giving it another go."
"Better trying to work through things together," Gee offered before she disappeared into the kitchen to put on water to boil, and grabbed the ice pack from the freezer. She came back to gently place it over his forehead and gave his shoulder a squeeze. "I can't blame you for the DVD thing, I really can't. I saw you when you watched it. I've never been so worried about someone's reaction in my entire life. I still don't know what I thought you would do. Leaving for Scotland was... I get it. Sometimes you do just want to go home and hide. Still, you knew you didn't want to say goodbye to him, you knew you wanted to try with Tom. I think it's amazing."
Stuart rested his head back against the sofa. The ice pack felt nice on his hot face, even if the rest of him was chilled. "He's still... I dinnae know. It's like he has to prove everything, even if I keep telling him he doesnae. Like he expects my family to hate him, when they dinnae. It's a wee bit hard, like. I'm worried what I say is the wrong thing, and that nay matter what I say, it isnae enough. I know I fucked up. I made mistakes, and I didnae believe what I should have. But at the end of the day the sort of hurt my family talk aboot when they say they dinnae want me hurt isnae this. If he cheated on me, fine. Or if he deliberately did or said things to hurt me. There's been none of that. Now I'm just scared things are right back to square one, and that he'll never be comfortable with my family again."
Gee took as seat on the coffee table in front of him as she listened out for the jug boiling, and rest her elbows on her knees. "It's not as if I've been through the same thing, it's not as if me and Euan are even on the same level... Every relationship is different, but here's the thing - at the end of the day, most of the time all that matters if how you feel about the person. Sooner or later it will sink in. Look at me with Sleeping Beauty. How often have you had to pull my head in about him, and just told me to either accept him, or move on. Tom just needs someone to pull in his reins. He'll get his head straight when he realises you're here to stay. That you're here because you love him with all your heart. He's probably gone through hell thinking he'd fucked things up beyond repair."
"Except not," Stuart added softly. "It matters what my family think of him, and what he thinks of them. I cannae help that. There hasnae been a day gone by that my family hasnae been a counting factor in my life, and that cannae change. Aye... and I'm nay denying that. But what if he never gets over that? I cannae marry him if he thinks my family hate him."
"Then you need to explain it to him so he understands... You need to be clear about what you want, and what your boundaries are. If he can't take you with your family then maybe he really isn't the one you should be marrying," Gee suggested gently.
Even just hearing the words from another person's mouth had an anxiety shooting up in Stuart and icy fear spiking through him again. It even came with that urge to cry. "I just want him to get it," he said, his voice shaky from just thinking about walking away from Tom again. It was stupid for him to just want things to be easy, but he did. Everything else had been so hard, his fiance and his family loving each other was one thing he just hoped could come happily. It was probably one of the most important things to him. "I've been clear. I've explained it, I've even told him how much Angus needs him. But we hit stumbling blocks when we talk about it. I feel like I've said the wrong thing. But I'm nay making a huge issue out of this. I'm really nay, after everything, I dinnae have the energy for that. I want him to just see they love him. I think he trusts Braden, but Brades is a big cuddly puppy. He'll only bite your hand off if you give him reason to."
Gee cleared her throat as she rest her hand on his knee. "Do they? I know they love you, and they'd probably respect someone who you fell in love with, but do they love him? His reputation is part of what got him into trouble. What's to say that your brothers are ever really going to trust him? Your brothers are all good blokes, but to play devil's advocate for a moment here, no wonder Tom's out to prove something. He probably needs to feel like he's worthy of the love of your family. He just needs to cement that he's earned it. I don't know, Stu. I wish I could say either way. I don't think it's right he's probably going to risk things all over again because he's got it into his head he's not really worthy of your family, but maybe he still feels like he's going to wake up with a bagpipe up his arse?"
"Aye, they do! If you dinnae believe it, how will he? I'm screwed, because I have nay idea how to convince him otherwise. I literally have no idea what to do aboot any of this." Stuart scratched his fingers through his hair and sat quietly for a moment, thinking the situation over. "Cannae it be seen that my family have gone through a lot? They've seen through a lot of weird and wonderful things, and they dinnae judge. Even Kenzie, who is pregnant by a lad she cannae even mind, they have accepted her unconditionally. Because you know why? She makes Bradie happy. He smiles because of her and she has made him feel alive again. That's Tom for me. I know we've had the stumbling blocks, he nearly died. He nearly lost his life. It was a long hard road to recover from, and we're even nay quite there yet. They didnae ever once deny how he made me feel. Nay once. They love him because they already know he's worthy."
Gee held her hand up. "I didn't say I didn't. I was just asking questions. You have to realise Tom's not used to this kind of family either. Ethan's been the only person that's acted like a brother to him, right? He probably does assume he fucked up too much for them to still love him. Of course he'd see what your family has been through. Look, I don't know, Stu. I really don't. I'm just trying to cover bases. If Tom is the one who makes you smile, then get through this. He'll just have to understand or he'll get more than a set of bagpipes up his arse when I'm done with him."
"Maybe I should get Gus to just talk to him? Nay talking the law suit for Keira, just... talk. Lay the cards on the table? Do you think that would work? I think it's Gus he's most scared of. Then he can maybe tackle Iain. My parents were the ones who told me to go back to him, I dinnae even think they really believed for a minute I wanted to go, but they humoured me. They know me better than I know myself." Stuart bit his lip anxiously. "I need this to work, Gee. I want to be happy too."
Gee took his hand as she gave it a squeeze. "You will be. I know it. Maybe you've seen a lot of bumps with Tom, but hopefully it just means they're out of the way early and you get smooth sailing from here. I think Gus talking to him might be a really good idea. I can understand why Tom would be wary of him when Gus was the one waiting outside when all the shit hit the fan. You can't really blame him for that."
Stuart scrunched his face up and dropped his head back against the sofa. "All assuming I get my job back," he had to point out. He hadn't wanted to just dump it on her, but as they spoke, he was realising there was no easy way to just work up to it and ease it into things.
She gave a nod before jumping up to make the tea quickly, and bring the teapot and mugs over onto the coffee table before sitting down on the sofa next to him. "Well, that really is the most important question. What do you think will happen? It's not like you've had a bad track record, or performance. You've just had a lot of personal stuff pile on top of you. They have to understand that... Don't they?"
Stuart cleared his sore throat, or tried to at least. He was fiddling with the sling again near his neck. He really couldn't wait until he could be short of the bastard. "Isnae my track record that's in question. It depends if a contract for my job has been offered to anyone else. I dinnae know, I'm waiting for a phone call back. At the end of the day, they might prefer a DS in the hot seat rather than just another lowly DC. Technically, the transfer hasnae been processed. They told me that wouldnae happen with HR for aboot two weeks from when I submitted it. That doesnae mean I will automatically just walk back into the job. They might want to put me somewhere else in London."
Gee started to chew on her nail as she listened, her eyes going unfocused for a moment as she thought about the man sleeping away in the other room. At least she assumed he was still sleeping. "They offered it to Euan."
Stuart remained quiet for a few moments, drawing in a small breath. "Aye..." he finally murmured, looking down at his feet. "Figured as much. Cannae nay deny it, he is leaps and bounds the detective over me. If it comes doon to experience, I've nay hope. Isnae like he doesnae deserve a metropolitan position. He's been working the NYPD, for feck's sake!"
Gee reached out to take Stuart's hand as she gave it a squeeze. "He said no, love. He turned them down. He knows what it would mean for us, and he knows we'd implode if we kept being partners. Besides, no one would ever live up to you in my head."
Stuart looked at her uncertainly. "He said no?" he asked in disbelief, not sure if he actually followed what she was saying. "Just like that? But it was an open post. Where is he supposed to be going when his sick leave is done? Wait... you... nay, you would've found someone way better, Gee! We just... popped each other's partner cherry, so to speak."
"There's a reason why your first is sometimes unforgettable," Gee replied with a small shrug. "You're my best friend, and you're the partner I want and need. I happen to think of you as more than just the first partner to pop my cherry. He doesn't know where he could wind up. He could go anywhere. I know it might not seem like it, but he really did make the right choice. The possibility of a distance relationship is not great. He's even said he doesn't see the point in them."
"So... what happens if he gets posted away from London?" Stuart asked quietly, watching her face intently. "What happens if I do?" he suddenly added, when the realisation dawned on him with a small gasp.
Gee bit her lip. "I get left alone..." She slumped down on the sofa, her head falling back against the back of it as that thought sat about as well as a ton of lead. "I don't know what's going to happen. He joked about cybersex, but once he's gone from the city... this will probably stop being fun. He wants fun. And if you do, well... I don't know."
Stuart shrugged his shoulders up like he suddenly got hit with a chill when a cold lump felt like it formed in his gut. It was a domino effect of shit lately. None of this was anything he had considered prior to now. He had considered Euan might be offered his job, and had just assumed the guy would take it, and that would give him a foundation in London. But the rest of this was bullshit, and his fluey mind was struggling with it. What the fuck would happen if it came down to a question of his career versus Tom's? "He willnae go... he's too experienced. He might nay stay in central London, but I doubt he'll go oot of the city," he mumbled.
Gee didn't dare to look too hopeful but her stomach did settle just a little bit at the idea of Euan being closer than in some backwater village. "Hopefully they'll realise how good of a detective they have in you and keep you close by, too. I'd rather they gave you your position back, but I know I shouldn't get my hopes up. I didn't even want to think about what was going to happen with Euan. It's just meant to be fun..."
"I cannae believe how much of a mess everything has become," Stuart admitted quietly. "Even trying to fix it all and put the pieces back together, it's just... a complete fecking mess. I wasnae expecting a miracle, I know things werenae just going to go back to how they were, but I hoped the things that were easy just would. I just want a fecking break. When am I gonna get a fecking break? I'm so friggin tired, it isnae funny. My job was everything to me. I was so fecking proud of myself for getting that promotion in London after it was torn oot from under me in Edinburgh by my bitch ex. It wasnae easy finding my feet doon here, but I did it, and I was good at it. But I-I couldnae have handled just staying here withoot him. It was hurting too much, and I walked away... I tried to stop everything hurting so much. Now I just... might be right back to square one when I've worked so hard. I dinnae know what to do. I've fecking messed everything up all over again. I never seem to be able to get it right. I cannae even convince my fiance that my family are happy to have him in my life. Maybe Euan has a fecking point, like. Maybe Tom had a point before when he didnae want relationships. Look what happens. Do you really want to bother?"
"Maybe he is, but I guess... I guess at the end of the day some of us enjoy having something - or someone - that's just ours. Tom was the reason you got off the plane, he's why you came back. There's something in that, don't you think? And just remember you haven't really been giving a chance to find a balance together. I really do think it's your time now to have a break. You more than deserve it, and you really did deserve the promotion." Gee rubbed at her face before she scooted closer to Stuart and wrapped her arms around him. "I think first you just need to let Tom look after you while you're sick. I also think you need to go and see the boss when you aren't so diseased. Make a call first, too. Let her know what's going on. Keeping superiors in the loop does help. I am glad you're back... I'll do anything I can to help. You know that, right?"
Stuart pressed his lips together rightly and fought the urge exhale too sharply in case he got into a snotty mess. "Honestly? I dinnae really know much of anything right now. I know you would want to help, and if I asked you for it, you would do it unconditionally... I just dinnae know what any of that would be. It wasnae that I just expected to walk back into the job. It's more just a fact that I didnae even stop to think about that. It was only Tom. It's still only Tom. I just still worked hard to get to where I am, and my job is still a big part of me. He's just more of a part of me now. I want it to work, I'm just scared after our track record, that maybe we're just going to keep encountering shite, you know? It's been one thing after another." He gestured with his hand to her. "You dinnae have to worry. They arenae going to put him on as a DS only to send him away to another city. Me, on the other hand, has already showed a willingness to go elsewhere. Could go against me. You might end up with a whole new partner entirely."
Gee made a face as she nodded. "I know... I'll try not to give them too much shit. And try not to think they're eccentric phantom piddlers, or something. It'll work out, Stu. Somehow. You could always go be Vee's partner in the whole PI thing. Work for Tom and with Tom. Maybe it's what you need. That way you can look after him still, and he has that safety net of knowing you're close. It would still be a version of your job, and you'd be in the city."
"Fuck, no!" Stuart replied immediately and held up his hand. "No offense to her, or anything like that, but I have wanted to be a copper and a detective my whole life. I have been fucked over, beaten up, fucking stabbed to get this far in the career. I am not turfing it away to become a friggin PI. I love Tom with my whole heart and soul, but not him, not me, not anyone is worth giving up on what I really worked for. I'd go back to being a uniform before I did that."
Gee held her hands up as she gave him an apologetic look. "Alright, alright. It was just a suggestion. Don't go biting my head off. I don't fancy all your slobbery mucus covering me." She shifted to pour them both tea and picked up her mug to cradle it as she looked at him. "Just talk to the boss. At least she can give you better guidance, and a clearer idea of what might happen."
Stuart sipped the tea, shooting her an apologetic look. "I'm sorry. It's just been a really fucked up couple of years for me. I didnae think I'd ever want to be in another serious relationship again after my ex... Tom just made the risk more than worth it. What would happen if Euan stayed in the department, just with a partner of his own. How would you feel about that? Hell, how would you feel if she was a leggy, single blonde female?"
"I'd try very hard not to come off as a jealous girlfriend that might snap her legs and ram them where the sun doesn't shine," she told him with a calm smile. "But I can't stop him if he wants to have his fun elsewhere. All part of that leopards and spots thing, isn't it? I'm the one that loves the leopard. Spots and all. You need to sort things out with Tom, love. Maybe now the dust is settling a little bit it's time to broach the topic of the actual wedding. It might be a way to deal with the family side of things without seeming like that's your focus."
"But he agreed to dating, right? Doesnae that mean exclusively? Technically, the rules say he cannae have his fun elsewhere if he agreed to that. My argument there would be that you really dinnae know what his spots were to start with. You admitted yourself he surprised you with how good a date he was. Maybe these are his date spots, and you willnae have anything to worry aboot with a new chick partner?" Stuart chewed on his lip and rested them against the rim of the mug as he thought for a moment. "You dinnae think it's too soon, like? I dinnae want to upset him or scare him away, thinking I'm pushing anything. In saying that, I did maybe have a tiny wee bit of a passing thought how cool it would be to get married on the tenth of the tenth 2010. But this was before we had any problems. It was being swept up in a moment... on the cruise."
Gee nodded. "Yeah, he did. And yeah, he did. Doesn't mean he has to like it... Can he have date spots? I kinda feel like doing something datey with him again. We dinnae always get a chance. We've spent most of the time inside when I'm off. Maybe he needs to get out? He's got a record with his partners, but maybe it's just time for it to end... Or maybe the Fates will actually land him with a male partner." Gee smirked a little at the thought. "That's still a little while away. And you have enough of us around to help you get organised for then. Plus with his best mate's influential name you'd probably get any venue you wanted. You won't know if it's too soon until you try. Leave the eggshells behind and just start living."
Stuart smirked. "Are you really going to try and tell me now he would be doing something he doesnae like? I'm sorry, but I've met him and dealt with him. I have everything you have said about him, and he isnae going to do shit he doesnae like. He didnae even stay in hospital when he was supposed to! He just did his partners because he could, because there was no reason why he shouldnae. Things have changed. Do something datey with him, even if you have to take it easy. Just mind what you eat if you go oot. Tom still feels funny with strong food sometimes, then he just wants to lie down if he does. Cannae blame him. Devlin has a male partner, and he makes it work. It's all aboot who you trust." He looked at her warily. "I guess I'm just nervous that he'll say he just wants to wait. Wouldnae blame him for that at all."
"And maybe he doesn't want to wait. He just nearly lost you. This might be what convinces you both that you won't lose each other again," Gee urged. She took a sip of tea, and nodded. "I know, I know... He really wouldn't be here, or let me be here if he didn't want it. Mild food while we're out? So... shit, I don't know. Does anywhere even do mild food? Maybe we could just go and see a movie... Or take a little walk somewhere."
"There's a place nay far from his office building that does all this awesome fresh takeaway food. Nothing stodgy, like. Tom seems to like it. Stir fries and shit like that. It's only aboot a block walk from the building, but I cannae mind the name of it. It's a sit doon restaurant too. We got a couple of meals from there when we got back from the cruise. Hm... maybe I should take something hame for him too. Dinnae think anyone's going to want to think aboot cooking, and I really dinnae have an appetite anyway," Stuart murmured in thought, trying to fight the urge to text Tom just to say hello. He didn't want to wake him up if he was still asleep. "You dinnae think trying to plan the wedding would just be a knee-jerk reaction to what's all happened?" When his phone buzzed in his pocket, he jumped and nearly crapped himself in fright at the sudden sound.
Gee reached out to give Stuart's shoulder a squeeze to try and calm him, even if her own heart was thumping at the sudden reaction. "Are you okay? It's just a phone, love. Isn't it? Please tell me Tom doesn't have some sort of remote controlled prostate massager installed in you. Hmm... I think I'll look it up and take him there. I just don't want him feeling like he has to stay trapped here, and he is a lot better than he was. It's time to start easing him into going outside. A date wouldn't really hurt either. And no, I don't think it's a knee-jerk reaction. I think you're entitled to assess your priorities after something like this."
"It's just my phone," Stuart said with a small amused snort as he struggled to get it out of his jeans pocket one handed. "He prefers manual prostate massaging. Even if there has only been a wee bit of comfort sex since all the shite when doon. If he's ready to get up and aboot, just do it. You can always come hame if it gets too much. Just makes sure he tells you if it does. Tom doesnae always say when he feels crap, and then he's feeling really bad before it's too late." He finally got the phone out to get the message and his face paled a little. "Oh... fuck. I have to go. I have to go now," he said, shaking his worriedly.
"Is everything okay? Stuart, what happened? Is it Tom?" Gee sat forward as she took the tea off him. "Do you want a ride to... wherever... Let me put some trousers on."
Stuart shook his head and got up out of the chair. For a moment, he just stood there, not really sure what to do straight away. "No, it's nay okay. It's nay Tom. It's... fuck, it's Hayden. He's fallen, Iain says he in hospital, went in an ambulance. I need to get there now. Iain will be beside himself. I dinnae... shit, it doesnae make sense. Ryan never lets the lad oot of his sight."
Gee stood up and squeezed Stuart's shoulder in reassurance. "Just take a breath, okay? I'll put some clothes on and I'll give you a ride. I'll just let Euan know where I'm going. Or at least leave a note if he's dead to the world. I'll get you there. You don't need to fuck about with cabs while you're sick."
Stuart nodded. "Aye... okay, thanks," he mumbled distractedly, looking down at the text again. When was this shit storm ever going to stop pouring?
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