RP LOG with tartanqueer | Heart and soul
Iain wasn't quite sure what it was that had his stomach churning, maybe it was just the fact that he had four brothers and he'd always automatically started worrying the moment any of them were sick. Now after the phone call from Hayden, he couldn't stop thinking about Ryan being ill. There hadn't even been much of an indication past him crashing early the night before, but even then Iain hadn't thought much about it. Ryan was a doctor and worked long hours. He was bound to crash out from time to time.
There had been a shaky note in Hayden's voice, and Iain realised it wasn't so much Ryan he was worried about as the little boy. Hayden was a good kid, and he was actually pretty savvy for a nine-year-old, but obviously his Dad being sick wasn't something he was ready to handle just yet. With apologies to his staff, and the builders, Iain left the restaurant without thinking about it anymore. The closer he got to Ryan and his son, the more they were like family. And family always came first in his book. He had staff for the very reason that they could step up to the plate when he couldn't. He trusted them, and for the most part it was just finishing touches to the restaurant being made.
The menu would be another headache for another day.
The cab couldn't have moved through London quickly enough, and Iain decided to bolt up the stairs rather than take the lift when he got into their building. Luckily for him he'd always been fit, taking pride in his body, so he wasn't quite as short of breath as he could have been by the time he'd reached his new home. He unlocked the door and looked around, surprised at how eerily quiet it was. "Ryan? Haydes?" He dropped his scarf and coat on the lounge chair, and ran his fingers through his hair. "Hello?"
That stomach churning was back and Iain had a really bad feeling about the situation, but he couldn't quite put his finger on why. "Hayden?" he called again, and froze when he thought he heard a sob. He changed track from the bedroom to the kitchen, and weaved his way into the room. His blood ran cold as soon as he saw Hayden on the floor with blood running from a head wound, and pantry shelves nearly crushing him. "Shit. RYAN!" The name was bellowed, not sure why his lover wasn't anywhere in sight. Surely he'd heard something, surely he wouldn't just leave Hayden like this. Iain wasn't about to move the kid so he just picked up the phone and dialled 999 before crouching next to him. "Hayden, buddy... Can you hear me? It's alright, kiddo. I'm here. It's Iain. You arenae alone..."
Ryan would have had to have been dead not to hear his name shouted that loudly. It just really wasn't clear to him if he dreamt it or not. He woke up abruptly, turning his head on the pillow to automatically look for Hayden, who had been lying there a minute ago... Right? Hayden wasn't there, and Ryan's heart inevitably skipped a beat as he struggled into a sitting position. He still felt as sick as a dog, and it was hard to try and get his bearings. "Hayden?" he mumbled hoarsely, rubbing a hand over his face and feeling his cheeks burning under his palm. He really was ill, and he hated himself for it. He made his way woozily through the apartment, feeling his hand along the wall to keep himself upright. He wasn't going to make it, though. More nausea lurched in his stomach, and he had to stumble into the bathroom to throw up again.
It was a failed attempt to try and call out to his son again. The words just caught in his throat as his stomach contracted again. He cursed through a small whimper. He might be a doctor, but feeling like this himself was never something he would welcome. In fact, he was a doctor because he wouldn't wish it on anyone else, either. He did eventually make it to the kitchen, and it felt like it took a lot longer than it actually did, not more than a few minutes passing between when he had woken up. There was just not a single thing in the world that could have prepared him for the sight he was met with. He couldn't process it. A choked "Hayden!" fell from his lips as he blindly grabbed for the kitchen counter before his legs wanted to give out from under. Blood, and his little boy didn't even look like he was conscious.
"Ryan," Iain breathed in relief as he disconnected the call to the emergency line. They were on their way, but it didn't stop Iain from feeling sick at being so helpless. There was nothing he could do for the lad, and he only just managed to get to his feet in time to catch Ryan and ease him onto the floor where they both got tangled in a heap. "It's okay, it's okay. I've called 999. I know it looks bad, but I'm sure he's... He won't answer me." Iain looked panicked for a moment before he focused on Ryan and cupped the man's face between his hands. "Are you okay? I didn't know where you were, didn't want to leave him... Just tell me what to do. Please."
Sheer icy panic was all Ryan could feel at first. His breath was coming out in rough pants and his eyes just stayed locked on his son. It must have just been adrenaline that had his body set aside the virus inside him. His mind was drawing a blank what he should actually rationally do. He always thought in a situation like this, even if it horrified him to think about, that he would be able to manage to keep his cool and do exactly what was needed. No such luck. Getting to Hayden's side, even if he was now knelt on the cold, hard tiles of the kitchen floor, Ryan just started pulling the debris off his son. A terrified sob caught in his throat at hearing Iain say Hayden wasn't answering him. Some part of his doctor knowledge was clawing through enough to know not to move the little boy, but he had to move all the stuff. All that stuff on top of him. "No," he sobbed, shaking his head as he came to cup Hayden' face in his hands, hoping to all hell the boy would just wake up and say he was okay. Hayden was unconscious, though, blood trickling down his temple at a steady pace. Ryan's shaky fingers fumbled to Hayden's throat to check for a pulse and he laughed in relief as tears streak on his cheeks. He leaned over to press his cheek against Hayden's, trying to hug him without moving him. It just felt like an impossible feat. "I'm sorry... I'm so, so sorry! Ambulance! I need a fucking ambulance!" he nearly screamed, the fact Iain had just told him he had called 999 just failing to reach his brain.
Iain came over to help shift the rest of the debris, clenching his jaw to try and stop any tears escaping. "I've called one," he replied calmly. He had no idea how he was going to be the one to hold it together, but he had to be. In the distance he could already hear sirens and he wondered if they were coming for Hayden. He watched father and son, suddenly feeling like he was intruding on a private scene. Cups of tea weren't going to help right now so he just rocked back on his heels when the shelves were moved and watched silently.
It was his fault. It was all Ryan could think in his mind, over and over and over again. If he hadn't fallen asleep, Hayden wouldn't be hurt. He didn't even know why Hayden was hurt, but that was irrelevant. It wouldn't have happened if Ryan had been watching him. He rubbed Hayden's shoulder through his pyjamas. "Come on, baby, please! Wake up for Daddy! What were you doing?! What the hell were you doing?!" he said tearfully. It was every parent's worse nightmare to have something happen to their kid. Sure, Hayden was a typical little boy, he got hurt, he got sick, cuts, bruises, trips, falls. But this wasn't even in the same realm. He had never been unconscious before. Ryan had never been so reckless enough as to put his kid in danger like this. Guilt and fear flooded through it, and it was too much to bear the onslaught. He turned away with a cough when it felt like the emotions had him by the throat and he vomited on the floor of the kitchen. "Please... please, you have to help me," he pleaded, finally looking up to meet Iain's eyes.
Iain crawled close to Ryan, and rubbed his hand against his back as he kissed his temple. It wasn't easy seeing him suffer while his boy was hurt. Ryan was hardly to blame for this, though. He didn't plan to get sick, he didn't plan for Hayden to try and make chicken soup. Iain hadn't even stopped to think about what that would mean after the phone call from the kid. "He just wanted to look after you," he murmured quietly. "He called me at work... said he was going to make you chicken soup. I never even... I think we have to put the soup on a lower shelf."
Soup? This was all because of soup? Ryan gave a disbelieving shake of his head. "No- I- I told him not to- I-I-" he stammered shakily. He wanted to deny it, but it made sense. It would explain why Hayden had been in the kitchen, why the pantry was apparently collapsed, even if Ryan's head was a mess and nothing connected and clear was coming through. "He was- he was lying with me! I just needed to lie down... I-I couldn't just... I wasn't feeling well. Soup? Chicken soup?" he sobbed as more helpless tears spilled over when he started to fearfully brush his hand over Hayden's hair to try and soothe him, even if he wasn't conscious.
Iain gave Ryan's shoulder a squeeze before he tried to brush the tears from Ryan's cheeks. He ached at seeing a father in so much pain over his son. Especially when he loved them both. He knew how he felt when his brothers were in trouble, so this had to be along the same lines. Iain heard the buzzer for the apartment, and got up to let in the emergency crew. He left the door ajar and came back over to crouch next to Ryan. "Nay long now, love. They'll help him. He'll be alright. It's nay your fault. None of this is your fault. You know what he's like... He gets it into his head to do something and he just does whatever he can to pull it off."
Ryan wasn't sure he had ever felt more in pain in his life, and he wasn't even the injured one. He was aware he was sick, and had a fever, but there was a crushing, aching pain in his chest and he felt almost blinded with a rush of the worst scenarios his brain could come up with. But he knew he was still a dad, and he was still a doctor, and he had to try and pull it the fuck together for when Hayden woke up. He was breathing heavily to try and grab hold of just a sliver of composure, but he dropped his head down swallowing heavily as he felt blindly to try and grab Iain's hand. "I feel sick... I..." He shook his head, fighting the urge to just sit there and sob. "He wanted to fix me, I tried to get him to just lie there with me, and I thought he would. I'd never let him see me weak if I coul ever help it. He doesn't... he tries to help. What if you hadn't come... what if..." He was starting to get worked up again when the paramedics arrived and it just felt like a blur when they started firing questions at them.
Iain fielded as many of the questions as he could, and tried to coax the rest of the answers out of Ryan. He had no doubt that it was hard for him, especially when the paramedics needed to move Hayden, and Ryan had to let him go. Iain kept a firm hold of Ryan's hand and tried to be his rock. He could do this, he could hold it together. He was the eldest of five brothers. He could handle the pressure. He could. He needed to do it for Ryan, and for Hayden. Hayden looked so fragile, so small as they moved him onto the gurney. "He'll be okay," he whispered again to Ryan. "He has to be. I'm still right here with you."
"I'm going with him. We're both going with him," Ryan stated shakily, trying to push the dampness from his cheeks. He was standing there in just his boxers trying to tell the paramedics he was getting in the ambulance with them. "I'm a doctor. I don't want to be kept in the fucking dark, alright? You tell me everything, every step of the way. But I need a face mask because I'm ill, and I'm only levelling with you here because if either of you fucking try to give me the bum steer about my kid, you won't work another friggen day in London." He watched as they hooked Hayden up to oxygen and a small paeds oxygen mask was put over his face, and an IV line was run into his arm. He turned to Iain, leaning against him for just a moment when his legs felt like they were going to give out again. "I-I need to get dressed. What I wouldn't fucking give to have your brother a paramedic in London right now," he said tearfully.
Iain rubbed his back and kissed his cheek. The thought of Braden being the one here now probably would have set Iain's mind at ease ten fold. As it was he just had to hope that these guys really did know what they were doing. "You and me both, love. You and me both..." He nudged Ryan in the direction of the bedroom so he would get dressed, torn between following him in case he needed a hand, and watching the paramedics and Hayden. "Will you be okay? Do you want help?"
Ryan gave a numb nod, watching Hayden on the gurney with a cold shock as it set it. "Just... stay with him? Go... with him. I-I can't get in that ambulance. I'll make everyone sick," he realised once the penny dropped, even though making the statement came with a sensation like he had just ripped his heart out of his chest and handed it over to Iain in a bloody mess. The tears started again and he put his hand over his eyes. "Please just go with him, don't leave him. I-I'll meet you there."
Iain pulled him into a hug and held onto him tightly for a long moment. "I'll make sure he's okay. I promise. I have my phone. I'll be waiting at the hospital for you. I'll make sure they look after him. I'd do anything for him, you know that. Same as I'd do anything for you. I love you both." The words were out before Iain even registered the thought, and once they were out he didn't even consider taking them back. It was true, and now was as good a time as any to say them. "I'll look after him," he added in a hushed voice. He pulled back to leave with the paramedics, giving Ryan another look. He was tempted to call one of his brothers to come and keep an eye on his lover, but he wasn't sure any of them would get there fast enough. Still, maybe it was a try. He picked up his coat and got the phone out of his pocket, watching Hayden on the gurney as he walked behind it.
By now, Ryan could hardly even talk. He needed to get to the toilet before he was sick again, he knew that much. He held Iain's gaze, his own eyes still red and teary. This was killing him. He could only hope Iain understood that letting him go with Hayden in his place was the ultimate trust, and bore so much more weight than even those three little words. Three little words that had nearly fallen from Ryan's lips the day before in admission to Iain's younger brother. He wasn't just handing over his life into Iain's care on that gurney, he was handing over his heart and soul, too. When he watched the paramedics leave with Hayden and Iain plastered to them, Ryan just had to turn away and stumbled to the bathroom yet again. He had survived the military, a war zone, an ex love dying from cancer, but this had to be the worst moment of his entire life... and Iain was the key to him not losing it completely.
Word Count | 2,920
There had been a shaky note in Hayden's voice, and Iain realised it wasn't so much Ryan he was worried about as the little boy. Hayden was a good kid, and he was actually pretty savvy for a nine-year-old, but obviously his Dad being sick wasn't something he was ready to handle just yet. With apologies to his staff, and the builders, Iain left the restaurant without thinking about it anymore. The closer he got to Ryan and his son, the more they were like family. And family always came first in his book. He had staff for the very reason that they could step up to the plate when he couldn't. He trusted them, and for the most part it was just finishing touches to the restaurant being made.
The menu would be another headache for another day.
The cab couldn't have moved through London quickly enough, and Iain decided to bolt up the stairs rather than take the lift when he got into their building. Luckily for him he'd always been fit, taking pride in his body, so he wasn't quite as short of breath as he could have been by the time he'd reached his new home. He unlocked the door and looked around, surprised at how eerily quiet it was. "Ryan? Haydes?" He dropped his scarf and coat on the lounge chair, and ran his fingers through his hair. "Hello?"
That stomach churning was back and Iain had a really bad feeling about the situation, but he couldn't quite put his finger on why. "Hayden?" he called again, and froze when he thought he heard a sob. He changed track from the bedroom to the kitchen, and weaved his way into the room. His blood ran cold as soon as he saw Hayden on the floor with blood running from a head wound, and pantry shelves nearly crushing him. "Shit. RYAN!" The name was bellowed, not sure why his lover wasn't anywhere in sight. Surely he'd heard something, surely he wouldn't just leave Hayden like this. Iain wasn't about to move the kid so he just picked up the phone and dialled 999 before crouching next to him. "Hayden, buddy... Can you hear me? It's alright, kiddo. I'm here. It's Iain. You arenae alone..."
Ryan would have had to have been dead not to hear his name shouted that loudly. It just really wasn't clear to him if he dreamt it or not. He woke up abruptly, turning his head on the pillow to automatically look for Hayden, who had been lying there a minute ago... Right? Hayden wasn't there, and Ryan's heart inevitably skipped a beat as he struggled into a sitting position. He still felt as sick as a dog, and it was hard to try and get his bearings. "Hayden?" he mumbled hoarsely, rubbing a hand over his face and feeling his cheeks burning under his palm. He really was ill, and he hated himself for it. He made his way woozily through the apartment, feeling his hand along the wall to keep himself upright. He wasn't going to make it, though. More nausea lurched in his stomach, and he had to stumble into the bathroom to throw up again.
It was a failed attempt to try and call out to his son again. The words just caught in his throat as his stomach contracted again. He cursed through a small whimper. He might be a doctor, but feeling like this himself was never something he would welcome. In fact, he was a doctor because he wouldn't wish it on anyone else, either. He did eventually make it to the kitchen, and it felt like it took a lot longer than it actually did, not more than a few minutes passing between when he had woken up. There was just not a single thing in the world that could have prepared him for the sight he was met with. He couldn't process it. A choked "Hayden!" fell from his lips as he blindly grabbed for the kitchen counter before his legs wanted to give out from under. Blood, and his little boy didn't even look like he was conscious.
"Ryan," Iain breathed in relief as he disconnected the call to the emergency line. They were on their way, but it didn't stop Iain from feeling sick at being so helpless. There was nothing he could do for the lad, and he only just managed to get to his feet in time to catch Ryan and ease him onto the floor where they both got tangled in a heap. "It's okay, it's okay. I've called 999. I know it looks bad, but I'm sure he's... He won't answer me." Iain looked panicked for a moment before he focused on Ryan and cupped the man's face between his hands. "Are you okay? I didn't know where you were, didn't want to leave him... Just tell me what to do. Please."
Sheer icy panic was all Ryan could feel at first. His breath was coming out in rough pants and his eyes just stayed locked on his son. It must have just been adrenaline that had his body set aside the virus inside him. His mind was drawing a blank what he should actually rationally do. He always thought in a situation like this, even if it horrified him to think about, that he would be able to manage to keep his cool and do exactly what was needed. No such luck. Getting to Hayden's side, even if he was now knelt on the cold, hard tiles of the kitchen floor, Ryan just started pulling the debris off his son. A terrified sob caught in his throat at hearing Iain say Hayden wasn't answering him. Some part of his doctor knowledge was clawing through enough to know not to move the little boy, but he had to move all the stuff. All that stuff on top of him. "No," he sobbed, shaking his head as he came to cup Hayden' face in his hands, hoping to all hell the boy would just wake up and say he was okay. Hayden was unconscious, though, blood trickling down his temple at a steady pace. Ryan's shaky fingers fumbled to Hayden's throat to check for a pulse and he laughed in relief as tears streak on his cheeks. He leaned over to press his cheek against Hayden's, trying to hug him without moving him. It just felt like an impossible feat. "I'm sorry... I'm so, so sorry! Ambulance! I need a fucking ambulance!" he nearly screamed, the fact Iain had just told him he had called 999 just failing to reach his brain.
Iain came over to help shift the rest of the debris, clenching his jaw to try and stop any tears escaping. "I've called one," he replied calmly. He had no idea how he was going to be the one to hold it together, but he had to be. In the distance he could already hear sirens and he wondered if they were coming for Hayden. He watched father and son, suddenly feeling like he was intruding on a private scene. Cups of tea weren't going to help right now so he just rocked back on his heels when the shelves were moved and watched silently.
It was his fault. It was all Ryan could think in his mind, over and over and over again. If he hadn't fallen asleep, Hayden wouldn't be hurt. He didn't even know why Hayden was hurt, but that was irrelevant. It wouldn't have happened if Ryan had been watching him. He rubbed Hayden's shoulder through his pyjamas. "Come on, baby, please! Wake up for Daddy! What were you doing?! What the hell were you doing?!" he said tearfully. It was every parent's worse nightmare to have something happen to their kid. Sure, Hayden was a typical little boy, he got hurt, he got sick, cuts, bruises, trips, falls. But this wasn't even in the same realm. He had never been unconscious before. Ryan had never been so reckless enough as to put his kid in danger like this. Guilt and fear flooded through it, and it was too much to bear the onslaught. He turned away with a cough when it felt like the emotions had him by the throat and he vomited on the floor of the kitchen. "Please... please, you have to help me," he pleaded, finally looking up to meet Iain's eyes.
Iain crawled close to Ryan, and rubbed his hand against his back as he kissed his temple. It wasn't easy seeing him suffer while his boy was hurt. Ryan was hardly to blame for this, though. He didn't plan to get sick, he didn't plan for Hayden to try and make chicken soup. Iain hadn't even stopped to think about what that would mean after the phone call from the kid. "He just wanted to look after you," he murmured quietly. "He called me at work... said he was going to make you chicken soup. I never even... I think we have to put the soup on a lower shelf."
Soup? This was all because of soup? Ryan gave a disbelieving shake of his head. "No- I- I told him not to- I-I-" he stammered shakily. He wanted to deny it, but it made sense. It would explain why Hayden had been in the kitchen, why the pantry was apparently collapsed, even if Ryan's head was a mess and nothing connected and clear was coming through. "He was- he was lying with me! I just needed to lie down... I-I couldn't just... I wasn't feeling well. Soup? Chicken soup?" he sobbed as more helpless tears spilled over when he started to fearfully brush his hand over Hayden's hair to try and soothe him, even if he wasn't conscious.
Iain gave Ryan's shoulder a squeeze before he tried to brush the tears from Ryan's cheeks. He ached at seeing a father in so much pain over his son. Especially when he loved them both. He knew how he felt when his brothers were in trouble, so this had to be along the same lines. Iain heard the buzzer for the apartment, and got up to let in the emergency crew. He left the door ajar and came back over to crouch next to Ryan. "Nay long now, love. They'll help him. He'll be alright. It's nay your fault. None of this is your fault. You know what he's like... He gets it into his head to do something and he just does whatever he can to pull it off."
Ryan wasn't sure he had ever felt more in pain in his life, and he wasn't even the injured one. He was aware he was sick, and had a fever, but there was a crushing, aching pain in his chest and he felt almost blinded with a rush of the worst scenarios his brain could come up with. But he knew he was still a dad, and he was still a doctor, and he had to try and pull it the fuck together for when Hayden woke up. He was breathing heavily to try and grab hold of just a sliver of composure, but he dropped his head down swallowing heavily as he felt blindly to try and grab Iain's hand. "I feel sick... I..." He shook his head, fighting the urge to just sit there and sob. "He wanted to fix me, I tried to get him to just lie there with me, and I thought he would. I'd never let him see me weak if I coul ever help it. He doesn't... he tries to help. What if you hadn't come... what if..." He was starting to get worked up again when the paramedics arrived and it just felt like a blur when they started firing questions at them.
Iain fielded as many of the questions as he could, and tried to coax the rest of the answers out of Ryan. He had no doubt that it was hard for him, especially when the paramedics needed to move Hayden, and Ryan had to let him go. Iain kept a firm hold of Ryan's hand and tried to be his rock. He could do this, he could hold it together. He was the eldest of five brothers. He could handle the pressure. He could. He needed to do it for Ryan, and for Hayden. Hayden looked so fragile, so small as they moved him onto the gurney. "He'll be okay," he whispered again to Ryan. "He has to be. I'm still right here with you."
"I'm going with him. We're both going with him," Ryan stated shakily, trying to push the dampness from his cheeks. He was standing there in just his boxers trying to tell the paramedics he was getting in the ambulance with them. "I'm a doctor. I don't want to be kept in the fucking dark, alright? You tell me everything, every step of the way. But I need a face mask because I'm ill, and I'm only levelling with you here because if either of you fucking try to give me the bum steer about my kid, you won't work another friggen day in London." He watched as they hooked Hayden up to oxygen and a small paeds oxygen mask was put over his face, and an IV line was run into his arm. He turned to Iain, leaning against him for just a moment when his legs felt like they were going to give out again. "I-I need to get dressed. What I wouldn't fucking give to have your brother a paramedic in London right now," he said tearfully.
Iain rubbed his back and kissed his cheek. The thought of Braden being the one here now probably would have set Iain's mind at ease ten fold. As it was he just had to hope that these guys really did know what they were doing. "You and me both, love. You and me both..." He nudged Ryan in the direction of the bedroom so he would get dressed, torn between following him in case he needed a hand, and watching the paramedics and Hayden. "Will you be okay? Do you want help?"
Ryan gave a numb nod, watching Hayden on the gurney with a cold shock as it set it. "Just... stay with him? Go... with him. I-I can't get in that ambulance. I'll make everyone sick," he realised once the penny dropped, even though making the statement came with a sensation like he had just ripped his heart out of his chest and handed it over to Iain in a bloody mess. The tears started again and he put his hand over his eyes. "Please just go with him, don't leave him. I-I'll meet you there."
Iain pulled him into a hug and held onto him tightly for a long moment. "I'll make sure he's okay. I promise. I have my phone. I'll be waiting at the hospital for you. I'll make sure they look after him. I'd do anything for him, you know that. Same as I'd do anything for you. I love you both." The words were out before Iain even registered the thought, and once they were out he didn't even consider taking them back. It was true, and now was as good a time as any to say them. "I'll look after him," he added in a hushed voice. He pulled back to leave with the paramedics, giving Ryan another look. He was tempted to call one of his brothers to come and keep an eye on his lover, but he wasn't sure any of them would get there fast enough. Still, maybe it was a try. He picked up his coat and got the phone out of his pocket, watching Hayden on the gurney as he walked behind it.
By now, Ryan could hardly even talk. He needed to get to the toilet before he was sick again, he knew that much. He held Iain's gaze, his own eyes still red and teary. This was killing him. He could only hope Iain understood that letting him go with Hayden in his place was the ultimate trust, and bore so much more weight than even those three little words. Three little words that had nearly fallen from Ryan's lips the day before in admission to Iain's younger brother. He wasn't just handing over his life into Iain's care on that gurney, he was handing over his heart and soul, too. When he watched the paramedics leave with Hayden and Iain plastered to them, Ryan just had to turn away and stumbled to the bathroom yet again. He had survived the military, a war zone, an ex love dying from cancer, but this had to be the worst moment of his entire life... and Iain was the key to him not losing it completely.
Word Count | 2,920