(no subject)
boo so i use to always have knots in my back from playing sports. it seems now theyre from guitar.
i guess its good bc it means i really am playing a lot. but they hurt.
so anyways, my mom left today. suppose i won't be seeing her for another year.
she drove me home from my grandfathers on her way to pickup stepmom.
she hugged my, crying and said she was sorry she was doing this to me.
at this point i had been silently crying in the car most of the ride. i didnt want to but couldnt stop it.
i said to her "i am not talking to you about this again." hugged her and left the car.
i dont care if she feels bad. we've had a fight on the phone every few weeks for almost two years now.
its exhausting. obviously she's okay with her situation. the fact that she is no longer present in her children's lives seems to only affect her when she is reminded of it. i guess the saying out of sight out of mind is right.
my youngest brother, eighteen, told my aunt all he wanted for christmas was my mother to be there. i called her, told her, and offered to fly her up for the day/night whatever. she laughed and said no. like it was a joke.
whatever.
i really just hate that i have a gay mom and we were friends and she left. and its over. we will not be friends again. she's my mother. and i'll sometimes see her on holidays. it sucks. but i'll get use to it. plenty of people dont see their parents all year long.
i guess its good bc it means i really am playing a lot. but they hurt.
so anyways, my mom left today. suppose i won't be seeing her for another year.
she drove me home from my grandfathers on her way to pickup stepmom.
she hugged my, crying and said she was sorry she was doing this to me.
at this point i had been silently crying in the car most of the ride. i didnt want to but couldnt stop it.
i said to her "i am not talking to you about this again." hugged her and left the car.
i dont care if she feels bad. we've had a fight on the phone every few weeks for almost two years now.
its exhausting. obviously she's okay with her situation. the fact that she is no longer present in her children's lives seems to only affect her when she is reminded of it. i guess the saying out of sight out of mind is right.
my youngest brother, eighteen, told my aunt all he wanted for christmas was my mother to be there. i called her, told her, and offered to fly her up for the day/night whatever. she laughed and said no. like it was a joke.
whatever.
i really just hate that i have a gay mom and we were friends and she left. and its over. we will not be friends again. she's my mother. and i'll sometimes see her on holidays. it sucks. but i'll get use to it. plenty of people dont see their parents all year long.