THE BIG DEAL: PART ONE

[tahneemonkee]

I want you… I want you so ba-a-a-a-ad… I want yo-o-o-ou… I want you so ba-a-a-ad, it’s drivin’ me mad, it’s drivin’ me mad…

Miss Cherry Magic, or to her friends, just Cherry-- flicked the switch on the old FM radio to off. Why did it seem that everywhere she turned, music seemed to follow her and narrate her stupid life? It got worse every time

Comments

[crossfadin]

Nice enough start, and nothing wrong with character development and learning more about the person. But honestly I think this is too much. Theres nothing actually happening until the last paragraph and sentence. Other that its fine, but this seems more like somethin suited for the middle of the story if trimmed.

[tahneemonkee]

Yeah, it's cos this wasn't MEANT to be a chapter in the first place :D it was just a standalone that got added onto.
Thanks though!