I just had to vent.. you dont have to read it if you dont want to.
Okay, I never thought of myself as being a jealous person, but tonight it really came out, and you could tell. I went to the football game with Kirsten and when we got there Tim was there, he was on his bike and waiting for his new girfriend to come. Well, Kir and I were walking in the gate and he goes "what you cant say hi anymore?" and I just shook my head 'no'. But you know, the only reason I dont say hi to him any more, is because he always ignores me, but of course I have to be the one to say hi first? I dont get it, one day he is touching me, and then the next he is totally ignoring me, then will pay attention to me, then ignore me again for like two days, and then expect me to say hi. Any way, that is besides the point. In school I have seen him at lunch with this girl, I dont know who she is, she is a little ninth grader, but it didnt look like they were going out, but I could tell they were gonna end up going out, I could just tell. So we go in the stadium, and we are watching the game, and I saw him outside the gate and what not, then his new girl friend (the ninth grader) came, and they came in the stadium. I couldnt help it, I just kept stairing at them. I was trying to have a good time (and I did, I had a great time). But I couldnt stop thinking about him, I was trying to, but no.. I couldnt. Just to see him hanging out with ninth graders, its sick. Like, fuckin.. Erica Cherry.. what the fuck is that?! Its sick! thats what it is, she is so nasty. But ya know, after we broke up, after a little while, we became friends again, we would actually talk, now its like I dont even exsist. I dont know what is up with this. I dont know what is wrong with me. I love him, but I hate him, but I really dont hate him at all. But you know what, thats okay, because I think they will be over in like a week. He will probably get bored with her and cheat on her. Sucks for her doesnt it. You know what I really dont get. How he could tell Jenna 'I think she is the one for me' (talking about me) then break up with me, (thats one long story that I dont even get...that he broke up with me.. he didnt really, it was just sort of assumed because he was all over Melissa. hm..) Anyway, he 'broke up' with me, then we started talking again in June about going back out and stuff, then he asked me out, that lasted for a day, he broke up with me, then in July, that whole thing with the fair happened, (the first night I went with Kirsten, and we saw him there, I ran up to him, and the rest of the night continued, with us running into eachother and all that juicy stuff. Then the second night when I was there with Michelle, the only way we could go was if we had a ride home, Tim said that his mum would give us a ride home, and when we were on the phone we were talking about going back out and all that. So we saw him there, and we talked and planned to meet eachother at the Zipper at like 7 or whatever. So we are just walking around and all that, and hes holding hands with this chick that he just met [Haylie]. I confronted him about it, called Haylie a skank then got into a fight with her and like 4 of her friends. He broke up with her like a week later.. I dont know why, she was like 12 or something. Then he talkes to me about going back out again. This time he didnt ask me out, we just talked about it.) So that was the fair. After the he broke up with Haylie, we talked.. but then schol started, and I became invisible to him. I dont get it. You know, I dont get why people would want to go out with someone so much younger and so immature. I really dont get it. I can understand going out with someone that is like a year or maybe two years younget than you, but they are mature for their age. If they were immature, hell no. Okay, way off track again. I guess I just need to move on. I need to find someone older.. You know what I think I should do? Find someone who isnt a fucking player! I HATE FUCKING PLAYERS! I CANT STAND THEM! THEY SUCK SOOO MUCH! I really dont get why its cool to be a player. I dont. They all fucking suck. Why do they like doing that to people, oh lets tell a girl that I love her then tell another one that I love her too.. its so much fun! I get it now! (being dumb) I think that we should all be players, and then get no where in life. Love it. I AM GETTING SO OFF TRACK. What Im trying to say is that I cant stand being a jealous person. I never thought I was a jealous person, but tonight definetly brought it out. You probably didnt even read all this so fuck you.
And you know what, after I shook my head no, I felt like the biggest bitch ever. I need to see some one about this.