(no subject)

Dec 04, 1976 14:29

I've been studying, can you imagine that? Studying, taking notes, and maybe taking a bit of time here and there to work on a Christmas list. There are always too many people I want to buy for, and far too little money, but I'll make the best of what I have. Always do.

[Private]
For the first time, I have absolutely no idea of what to get any of my mates for Christmas. Maybe it's because I've spent so little time around them lately? I'm always tucked up here in this stupid, boring corner, doing homework, studying, trying so desperately to do a bit better in class. This is our last year, and if I can't manage decent marks in something other than herbology, how can I expect to find a job after school? I don't want to be doomed to being a shopkeeper, or the next Hogwarts caretaker, or something equally unappealing.

The rest of the lads, they all have a future ahead of them. James, Remus, Sirius, they don't understand what it's like to struggle just to follow along in every class, and to be completely inept at so many things that others consider to be simple. But I do. I also know what it feels like to be overshadowed by your best mates in every single thing that you do. Because that, right there, is the story of my life at Hogwarts.

I know they care about me. But I also know that they'll never understand me. That's why I write things like this, lock them away where no one but me can see, and just.. bottle it all up. By the next time Padfoot lopes in here looking for company, or Moony comes by looking to chatter, or James wants to re-tell his latest amazing Quidditch story, I'll be all smiles. And they'll have no idea. It's really best that way.

Even if I feel lonely, constantly, even when I'm surrounded by my best mates.
[/Private]

I'm absolutely starving. I think I'm going to pack up my books and head off in search of something to eat. Anything. I can't hear myself think over my stomach rumbling!

[Private, unlockable by Moony, Padfoot and Prongs]
I'll be in the kitchens. Anyone else up for a snack?
[/Private]
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