6. If it makes you happy
It can't be that bad
If it makes you happy
Then why the hell are you so sad
- Sheryl Crow, "If It Makes You Happy"
When the cup of tea was pushed in front of her face, Claire blinked softly at the sight of it before looking up at Sylar who was watching her patiently. When she took it from him with a murmured thanks, he simply nodded before moving to sit down at the other end of the couch. He didn't complain when she dropped her feet back to his lap but instead he watched her with a scrutinizing gaze as though waiting for her to say something. She knew he was torn between pressing for answers and hoping she would stay quiet because it depended on his mood if he wanted to listen or not but he usually tried with her. They both did.
Finally though, the irritation seemed to win. "So are you going to talk about it?"
"Yeah." She sighed softly, studying the depths of her cup. He had fixed it the way she liked it without asking but he had done so plenty of times before and so she knew it would be perfect when she took a sip. If she could just bring herself to, but the listless feeling she was suffering from seemed to be stronger than the urge to drink or eat.
When she didn't continue on, he made an irritated noise before gently elbowing one of her feet to urge her on.
She looked up at him before nodding as though to tell him she was going to. "I'm just frustrated." She finally stated.
"With Nathan." He didn't have to guess because she had told him a bit about it when she first showed up on his doorstep just out of the blue. It had been clear right away that she was upset about something, especially when she started to cry at the sight of him. He had been sure it wasn't him and when she babbled incoherently about her birth father, he knew.
"Yes." She agreed with him, stretching her one leg before finally taking a small sip of her tea. Of course it scalded her tongue but it healed almost immediately as she lowered her cup. "I just don't know how to keep trying with him. I mean, I told him I wasn't going anywhere but I feel like he just keeps pushing me away. He says he doesn't want to but then, in the next breath, he tells me that he's not sure he can stop."
"He said he doesn't want to push you away?" Sylar arched a brow because it was an odd statement to make. Of course he didn't really get it either; if he could manage friends and family, then Nathan should be able to as well.
This was an idea that Claire could agree to but obviously Nathan didn’t see it that way when he got into his moods. "He said to ask Peter." She made a slight scoffing noise because she couldn't see it. Nathan always went to Peter, or so it seemed. He had nearly given up his own life to save Peter after all but that was different. He had been raised with Peter. "Did you know he was scared of me?"
"Scared of you?" Sylar couldn't see that but it wasn't exactly like Claire was terrifying in all of her five foot one, blonde glory.
"He was scared of what I would want from him." She shook her head. "Guess I don't blame him considering Meredith blackmailed him because of me." That was something that still burned her. As she thought of it, her eyes started to burn with unshed tears but she was quick to duck her head to hide them as she knew Sylar always got a bit awkward when she cried.
Which was true, he didn't like to see it when she did because he was never sure of what to say or do. So he sat up, a bit awkwardly, and moved to rub her back gently while reaching to take her tea to put it on the table. "Claire, that wasn't your fault."
"All I wanted, ever since finding out I was adopted, was to know where I came from. I just wanted to know who my parents were, what they did, what they liked and didn't like. I just wanted to know what I got from them, if I was like them." The tears lingered on her bottom lashes as she tried to battle them back.
"And you had a fairy tale vision of them."
She looked over at Sylar who sat beside him and she couldn't lie to him as she wet her lips before nodding her head. "I did."
Sylar tugged her close then, wrapping an arm around her to hug him to her side as he leaned his cheek against the top of her head. "And somehow we ended up Petrellis." Not exactly the family that fairy tales were made of.
"It's not all that bad." It was getting better or at least she believed it was. The slight smile that had started died a bit before she looked at him quite seriously. "How do I keep trying to be close to him if I know that he might not be able to stop himself from pushing me away?"
"I don't know, I guess you just keep doing it if you want to be close to him. Do you want to be?" He lifted his brows at her. She only nodded, biting her bottom lip and so he nodded as well. "Then you just keep pushing." After a moment, he started to smirk. "I'd offer to kill him but it wouldn't help."
She gasped a little bit before giving a soft laugh, elbowing him in the side. "Oh hardy har har."
"I wouldn't." He smiled just to let her know he was kidding. He had just been trying to get her to smile or laugh.
Smiling faintly, she leaned against him and pressed her cheek to his shoulder before peeking up at him. "Can I just hang out for awhile?" It probably meant she wasn't really ready to face the whole thing with Nathan yet as she just needed some time to breathe and figure it out. She didn't know why everything with Nathan got to her so easily but she needed time to relax before she tried to fix everything.
"Sure but then maybe you should go have a talk with him." He heard that talking was a way to fix things. It was something they all had to learn.
"Yeah." She just had no idea what to say but she would figure it out eventually.
It was true that, while growing up, she had taken on a somewhat fairy tale idea of what her biological father would be like and sometimes the reality was better than what she had imagined but she wasn't so sure of the ending anymore.
[
heroslayer used with permission and love]