sunday_reveries prompts for 8/9-8/15 [quote prompt #1]
"You try to warn him, you tell him
you will want to get inside him, and ruin him,
but he doesn't listen.
You do this, you do. You take the things you love
and tear them apart
or you pin them down with your body and pretend they're yours."
-Richard Siken
Maybe you’ve both been wrong this entire time. Maybe everyone has been wrong about the whole situation. Everyone looks at what’s going on and they think he’s the bad guy but maybe they’re all wrong.
You fought him right from the beginning because you thought it was the right thing to do. At first it was because he scared you and you told yourself it was because he was a monster but maybe he’s not. He has always been honest about the things he’s wanted; all he has ever wanted was power and a purpose. You know what it’s like to want those things, to want a place where you feel like you belong but you’ve spent all this time cramming yourself into the wrong parts of the puzzles. In the end, you were just a broken as he was but you still tried to lie.
You pretended to be one of the good guys, resenting him all the while for doing whatever he wanted and for getting away with it for the most part. Everyone would just look at him, say it was because he was a monster and so it was no surprise but everyone held it against you when you did something wrong.
After awhile, you got tired of it. You got tired of trying to prove yourself and of trying to deny all that he had been telling you right from the beginning. You’re not like them, you’re not like the others and it doesn’t matter that they had taken something out of you to try to make you normal. You were never normal. It just took you a long time to see it finally and now there’s no denying it.
But while you were on the path to find yourself, you destroyed things along the way. You took them, you twisted them and you broke them apart without meaning to. He fixes things and you break them. That’s the roles you play and you’ve been looking at him to make things all better but what have you done? You’ve started to wreck him. It’s just natural for you; it’s what you do after all, even if you don’t mean to.
So now he’s racing against time and the agents trying to find you. He claims that it’s just because he’s selfish but you know it’s not anymore. You can’t deny it and you know the truth. You’ve destroyed him by loving him. You destroyed him by trying to fit yourself into his life and by trying to make yourself worthy of him but you’re not.
You’re a liar and that’s the truth but you’re not sure you have the strength to send him away.