Please don't take any of this the wrong way, I'm not saying this for pity, It's just on my head.....
Well I am at school and I miss Brandon so much....to the point that it is ridicilous!! It has gotten so bad that I am nervous to talk to him b/c I don't want to say anything that will make him want to break up with me or get annoyed of me!!! I love him and I can't wait to see him for tha 5 or 6 minutes I will see of him tonight(if I get to see him...he might not even be there)!!!! I want to know what the fuck is wrong with me if I miss him this much!! OMG...I'm an IdIoT!!!!!
I hate that I was not invited....not about Nancy and Ashley!!! It's about two occasions!!! One is on Sunday and That is gay! even if I wasn't going to go anyways you should have still invited me! Miranda told me that you felt like you needed to drink that night! Why? So you can get wasted and forget about me...I see! Maybe I care too much! I dunno...I just want to be with you right now b/c I am thinking of you I really want to see you right now!!!! I am sad b/c all I can think about right now is you!!!! You, You,You...Arghhhh...I am so ReTaRdEd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Another time was in this hour...Maybe I wanna fuckin go...but never the fuckin mind...I'll go by myself! Forget I even mentioned anything about it!!! I hate it that no one other then Nancy and Ashley invites me anywhere, Thank you guys b/c w/o you I would be a loser...Wink Wink...you two are my coolest and bestest friends I have, Thanks for always inviting me places I Love You Both For It!!!
God I hate myself so much...I hate myself for loving Brandon and still loving Jared, I hate myself b/c I whine, I hate myself b/c I complain, I hate myself b/c I used two words that are almost completely the same, I hate myself b/c I am the shittest person on this whole fuckin green earth and most of all I hate myself for being me!!! I don't want to die or kill myself but I want to get rid of all the pain I have inside! I try not to show it to Nancy and Ashley B/C I know it bothers them!!! But sometimes the pain is overwhelming!!!!
Damn that was a fuckin lot of shit to say!!!
Have a nice day and Thank You for reading Monica's Livejournal!!!!
I love you nancy and ashley
I love Brandon(my butterball)
I love SEAN
I love SARAH
..........................................................................
I guess I felt like I was not completely done yet:
I wish Jared wasn't so fuckin young and I wish Jared and Brandon loved me like Stanley loves me!! I wish I had someone who was like that!!! Who would tell me over the phone or to my face that they love me or that they were thinking of me!!!
Who do I have after high school...Ashley, Nancy...They'll prolly move on w/o me and relize they are better off!!!! WoW...This is insane and I am driving myself insane!!! I am going CRAZY!!!! I am not saying this to you guys for any pity...It is just on my mind so don't say I am gay...(Ashley this is towards you...B/c I LOVE you both so much...and not in that way...I really love you guys you are my life, your what keeps me sane. I really do appreciate everything you guys have done! I love you both so much)
I WANT TO SEE BRANDON RIGHT NOW AND TELL HIM HOW I FEEL...I'll prolly go to his house tonight and he won't be there...I think I'll just cry!! I want to right now!!! I can't get you out of my head!!! I can't help but wonder if your sleeping right now or watching a movie or hanging out with Hooks or fuckin some other girl or God only knows what.....What are you doing?
I can't help but wonder if you will tell me about Sunday or just leave that out or when you see me if you'll say you missed me!!! I hope you do....B/c I don't want to be the only one who feels this way!!! I want the feeling to be mutual!!! I want you to miss me to...even if it's just a little!!!
I just want to see you to tell you that I love you and That I was thinking about you today!!!
I hate that I was not invited....not about Nancy and Ashley!!! It's about two occasions!!! One is on Sunday and That is gay! even if I wasn't going to go anyways you should have still invited me! Miranda told me that you felt like you needed to drink that night! Why? So you can get wasted and forget about me...I see! Maybe I care too much! I dunno...I just want to be with you right now b/c I am thinking of you I really want to see you right now!!!! I am sad b/c all I can think about right now is you!!!! You, You,You...Arghhhh...I am so ReTaRdEd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Another time was in this hour...Maybe I wanna fuckin go...but never the fuckin mind...I'll go by myself! Forget I even mentioned anything about it!!! I hate it that no one other then Nancy and Ashley invites me anywhere, Thank you guys b/c w/o you I would be a loser...Wink Wink...you two are my coolest and bestest friends I have, Thanks for always inviting me places I Love You Both For It!!!
God I hate myself so much...I hate myself for loving Brandon and still loving Jared, I hate myself b/c I whine, I hate myself b/c I complain, I hate myself b/c I used two words that are almost completely the same, I hate myself b/c I am the shittest person on this whole fuckin green earth and most of all I hate myself for being me!!! I don't want to die or kill myself but I want to get rid of all the pain I have inside! I try not to show it to Nancy and Ashley B/C I know it bothers them!!! But sometimes the pain is overwhelming!!!!
Damn that was a fuckin lot of shit to say!!!
Have a nice day and Thank You for reading Monica's Livejournal!!!!
I love you nancy and ashley
I love Brandon(my butterball)
I love SEAN
I love SARAH
..........................................................................
I guess I felt like I was not completely done yet:
I wish Jared wasn't so fuckin young and I wish Jared and Brandon loved me like Stanley loves me!! I wish I had someone who was like that!!! Who would tell me over the phone or to my face that they love me or that they were thinking of me!!!
Who do I have after high school...Ashley, Nancy...They'll prolly move on w/o me and relize they are better off!!!! WoW...This is insane and I am driving myself insane!!! I am going CRAZY!!!! I am not saying this to you guys for any pity...It is just on my mind so don't say I am gay...(Ashley this is towards you...B/c I LOVE you both so much...and not in that way...I really love you guys you are my life, your what keeps me sane. I really do appreciate everything you guys have done! I love you both so much)
I WANT TO SEE BRANDON RIGHT NOW AND TELL HIM HOW I FEEL...I'll prolly go to his house tonight and he won't be there...I think I'll just cry!! I want to right now!!! I can't get you out of my head!!! I can't help but wonder if your sleeping right now or watching a movie or hanging out with Hooks or fuckin some other girl or God only knows what.....What are you doing?
I can't help but wonder if you will tell me about Sunday or just leave that out or when you see me if you'll say you missed me!!! I hope you do....B/c I don't want to be the only one who feels this way!!! I want the feeling to be mutual!!! I want you to miss me to...even if it's just a little!!!
I just want to see you to tell you that I love you and That I was thinking about you today!!!