ack

[its_not_a_phase]

I think I'm going crazy. No really... its just weird. I think I know what I want but once I get it...or get close to get it I don't want. And the things I don't want I seem to long for once they're out of reach. I feel kinda empty since my feelings seem to be dying. But, at the same time... talking to him, or even seeing him makes things different. And I get so pissed about that bitch even when I know I really don't care. I'm jealous that shes been given even and ounce of his attention. And I also can't help but wondering what hes doing and if hes with her and what he actually feels and for whom. I just wanna be sure for at least one minute about things but I'm not. And yeah. I dunno. I wanna just start school already. I wanna be preoccupied and immersed with other things and people. I wanna forget I ever met him... but, at the same time, I don't. I want him... but I don't. Its weird. I'm definately going crazy. I also found the most gorgeous school ever in the NE where I wanna transfer next year... I'm not sure yet... but i wanna. I wanna leave this. Maybe if I'm gone I'll forget him and everything about him. I'm his friend now, yeah, but at the same time, I'll always want more. He was definately different from the others. Some people you just click. We clicked... and clashed. Its kinda amusing, but annoying, and gah, I just want her dead. I want him to myself... but I don't. I want him but I don't. How fucked up is that? I want him to want me, but at the same time, I dunno if I want to have him. I mean I do. But being single and free is nice. I can do w/e and not feel bad. I don't know. I just want to be content... but hey, I change my mind so many god damn times that thats never gonna happen. Bleh, w/e. Gotta go to work now. Maybe see jodi and sean tonight. I dunno, life is so bland and boring lately. I miss the fun sparks. I miss him... god I want her dead.

-aLeX-

....crazy crazy dead