(no subject)
i have this great feeling of apathy towards everything and apathy is never a good thing. i don't want to do my homework - i could care less, i don't want to look cute at school today - i just don't care, i don't want to be optimistic - i don't care. i don't really even want to go to play practice today which i would normally look forward to. i'm to the point in a certain situation where i'm just about ready to put myself out there - i don't care what happens anymore, i mean i care about what happens, but i'm not gonna worry about all the negative possible outcomes that could occur. i mean, if i make my feelings obvious and they aren't returned, then it's not the end of the world and at least i tried and won't have any regrets. and if i've said something cruel or acted like a jerk to you this weekend then i apologize, it is the result of a cynically apathetic mood. it's not that i don't care about you, i've just felt so blah that i haven't been the most thoughtful person - i'm sorry. but now i'm done with my excuses and now i have to go to practice. bye.