The Sad Life of Choi Minho
Title: The Sad Life of Choi Minho.
Characters/Pairing: 2Min, Onkey, and Jonghyun running in his field of rainbows.
Rating: NC 17
Genre: fail Crack. Smut
Warning: BLOWJOB ALMIGHTY!
Summary: Minho has the unnatural habit of getting himself in trouble with Kibum, especially when it came to Taemin.
A/N: Inspiration struck after i broke my uncles beloved blender yesterday. I'm never going to hear the end of it.
It was a lovely Sunday morning, Kibum had dragged Jinki and Jonghyun as his slaves on a shopping trip, Taemin was pampering himself to a relaxing bubble bath which Kibum had prepared for the maknae with all his love before he left. And Minho? Choi Minho, on this gorgeous, sunny,blue-skyed day, found himself scrubbing a pile of dishes that had been leftover from the previous nights fabulous dinner and this mornings large breakfast... with his toothbrush. And he didnt even get to eat the fabulous dinner or the large breakfast.
Minho cursed darkly under his breath, remembering the previous days events as he scrubbed with his might because this rotten pan seemed to mock him with the remnants of fried egg stuck all over. Honestly what was the point of calling it non-stick, if the food did nothing BUT stick to the pan?!?!?! And couldnt Kibum have gone easy on him? Why cook with so many utensils when he complained so much about saving water and what not? OH RIGHT....it was so he could punish Minho.
Minho may seem like the type to do what he was told to without asking too many questions, he may seem the type to take the fall for someone else and suffer the consequences that came with it. He definately was the type to do those things... but this was pushing it.
He cursed Kibum even more under his breath, hoping the slender boy found out he had grown fat and wouldnt fit into his regular size zero clothes that he loved buying, he hoped all the clothes in the mall were ugly, he hoped every clothing store he went to would turn him away with the words "Fashion Reject" plastered across his head. He hoped Jinki would dump him, he hoped he got a fat pimple right on the tip of his nose... and he hoped for a lot more things..... but in the end, all of this was just wishful thinking, and alas, Kibum was much too perfect for such misfortune.
He sighed, dropping the pan and brush from his gloved hands, as he took a break to release the muscle tension in his back and neck that was building up because of the endless cleaning chores.
How did this happen? He asked himself. How did I end up with so many chores today?! I was supposed to play soccer with the hyungs, how on earth did this happen?
Well, here's how...
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
Previous Day, 5 pm.
Jonghyun, Kibum and Jinki came home carrying bags of groceries. It had been forever since they had bothered with cooking at home, since most days they were too tired to eat, or just got take out on the way home. It was a blessed weekend off, and Kibum had decided they would eat healthy homecooked food.
"So, we still get to eat chicken right? The last time i checked, it was definately healthy," commented Jinki as they removed thier shoes, overly concerned that he might have to go on an all veggie diet this weekend. How could anyone live without chicken? Vegetarians still confused him to no end.
"Yes, Jinki, this is the tenth time you're asking." replied Kibum, "One more time, and there will be no chicken."
Jinki promptly shut up.
Jonghyun laughed at his leaders simple minded-ness. Honestly it was easy bieng Jinki. All you had to do was fall every 10 seconds, flail whenever possible, say all the wrong things at the wrong times to make things awkward, and then smile to dispel the awkward atmosphes.....and live, breath, talk, dream of chicken. Jonghyun handed over the bags of groceries to the couple as they moved toward the kitchen. He wanted to do nothing but spread out on the couch while he mindlessly flipped channels.
He walked into the living room, and froze in his tracks at the sight that lay in front of him, his eyes going wide enough to pop. And after a a few more moments of staring, he went into full panic mode.
There, right in front of him, exposed in all thier naked glory were Taemin and Minho, spread out on Kibum's new couch, fast asleep. And the brand new, white suede couch, which Kibum had specially ordered all the way from Japan, was now a sexed-up mess.
Jonghyun paced up and down. He wanted to pull his hair out. Things were going to get ugly. Very ugly if he didn't manage to get the two out of the living room before Kibum saw them. He froze. Oh my God, Kibum. And he panicked even more. Taemin would get out of this unharmed, Minho wouldnt. Niether would Jinki. Nor himself. And they didnt even do anything. Taemin was Kibum's baby, his precious maknae, his Son from another Mum. Jonghyun chuckled on that one. He was such a genius sometimes. Too bad no one was ever around to hear them....no wait, he had to focus on the larger issue at hand.
Jonghyun honestly didnt care if Minho got his ass whooped for the billionth time, didnt even care if Jinki was kicked out of his shared bed, by his beloved, he just didnt want anything more to fly at his head. He had way too many painful bumps and bruises listed on the catalogue already. He wasn't planning on getting another one.
He walked over to the two, rolling up a magazing and whacking Minho's butt. He was sleeping on top of Taemin.....and try as hard as he might he couldnt keep the inevitable thought out of his head, that Minho was still inside Taemin. Disturbing thoughts plagued his mind, threatening to bring on a fainting spell, but he held on. he was NOT going to turn into a sissy girl right now. He had his own ass to save. Oh and Minho's.
"Yah, YAH, Wake up!!!" Jonghyun hissed as loud as possible, trying to keep it out of Kibums earshot. And that boy could pick up whispered gossip from miles around. He whacked Minho's butt harder, hoping the alien freak would wake up and run, but instead he just grumbled, in his sleep and rolled over. And to Jonghyun's utter horror, he got a facefull of the unpure, uncensored, unmozaiced, bare naked and inhumanely large truth that Minho kept hidden in his pants. And worse. He heard the sick, wet sound of IT pulling out of baby Taemin.
Jonghyun nearly passed out.
But he knew he had to persevere on for thier own health and safety, and grabbed the coffee table for support. He threw a panicked glance toward the kitchen where he could hear Kibum giggling while Jinki talked. Those two could be humping like rabid bunnies right now and he wouldnt care.
Jonghyun covered his eyes with one hand, thanking his god-forsaken luck, that Minho\s arm was magically draped over taemins hips, covering up his naked truth as well. He really didnt want to think of Taemin in non-innocent ways. Not because he was dating Minho, but because he didnt want Kibum running after his neck with an axe.
Minho barely moved, what with all the whacking, but Taemin did. He moaned in his sleep and tried to roll over, but found something stopped him. His eyes fluttered open to a crack, as he turned his head to see a sleeping Minho. He looks so cute when he sleeps peacefully, thought Tamin with a smile, and HAHA Jonghyun hyung looks so funny with his eyes looking like thier going to pop out of his head....wait a minute...Jonghyun hyung?!?!? Oh Crap.
Taemins eyes widened when realisation dawned over him, and Kibum's laughing voice floated into his ears. His eyes snapped toward Jonghyun. They were in so much trouble.
He frantically shook Minho. Why was he a deep sleeper at all the wrong times?!?! Didn't he sense that Kibum was going to eat him alive??
And Minho mumbled in his sleep about how the cieling surprisingly never fell on thier heads, cause it had no support. And then he snored.
Taemin wanted to cry. Jonghyun wanted to bury himself. They continued to shake Minho awake, they whacked him, pinched him, slapped him, Jonghyun even kicked him. And Minho finally responded with an agitated scowl on his face. He stirred out of his sleep ready to take the the culprit's head off. Did they not know that sleep was necessary after hardcore sex?
And as he stirred awake, and was still trying to comprehend his surroundings, Taemin and Jonghyun realised, it was too late to save his lost cause of a soul. They heard Kibum walking out of the kitchen.
"Jinki, no groping! I want to take a showe- WHAT THE FUCK???"
Oh it was definately too late. Jonghyun backed away as slowly as possible, he didnt want Kibum to think he was a part of this explicit scene. Minho shot up, eyes wide, and Taemin tried to find his shirt....which was probably lying in some dark corner.
Kibum face was straight, expressionless, dead. Minho wanted to move, to run, to hide, anything to get away from the monster that was about to unleash itself. And then to his horror, the monster spoke.
"So, Choi Minho. What have you been upto this evening?" A smile.
Minho looked like a fish thrown out of the water.
"So you think it's funny to engage in unholy, explicit activities with my baby while I'm gone. And I'm sure he was forced, isn't that right Taeminnie?"
"Ah no, Kibummie....Umma...i-it's not li-like that," Taemin stuttered. "Mi-Minho didn't do anything, I swear, it's no-not his fault. I'm the one tha-that.... got him to...do that." He gulped. Kibum didn't look like he was buying it. But it was the truth!
"I am going to keep this plain and simple. Minho, you eat crackers for the rest of the week."
"What?!" Minho yelled in defiance. This was the nth time he was suffering with crackers, he wasn't going to do it again.
"And just for that, you're going to clean up the whole dorm. And i want it spotless. I should be able to see my face in every tile, is that clear?" His voice seemed to echo around the hall. "I guess it is time to give the housekeeping ahjumma a break, so she'll be off for the next two weeks, and you will take over." he said, pointing squarely at Minho.
"But.."
"And again just for that, you'll be doing all the cleaning in this house with you're toothbrush." A smirk of the devil lingered on his sharp features. "And if i were you Minho-yah," the added stress to his name creeped him out to no end, as Kibum came a step closer. "I wouldn't speak for the rest of the night, unless I really wanted the punishment to go higher." Minho decided he was fine with keeping quite, he'd done that so many times anyway. Taemin gave him a helpless look, his eyes showing just how sorry he was.
"Go put something on, I don't appreciate looking at you're hidden glory." Kibum barked, and Minho grabbed his pants off the floor and made a beeline for the shower. Meanwhile Kibum rounded on Jonghyun " And you. What do you think you were doing?!?!? were you trying to save him? Is that why you were there? Or were you planning on joining him?!?"
"Ah no, Kibummie...i-its not....I swear I wasnt....I was just..."
"You sleep on this couch. And tomorrow you pay for a new one."
Jonghyun wanted to fight back. Why did he have to be such an uptight bitch? But he decided he didnt want to suffer the same as fate as Minho.
"And Jinki" Jinki squeaked at the murderous stare pointed at his head. "Didn't i tell you it wasn't a good idea to leave them alone together? No sex for you for a week!" Jinki looked like someone had just stolen the fried chicken right from under his nose. "You sleep in the bathtub today."
And then Kibum went about fussing over Taemin asking if the alien had tried to rape him and if he had given in out of fear.
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
And so now Minho was left to slave over the dishes. With his toothbrush. He sighed once again, as he grabbed the soiled blender and set to work on scrubbing the remnants of mango milkshake from the inside of the jar. This was Kibum's favourite blender. After having gone through 7 blenders in just a year, he had finally come to the best one. And he had it for just under three months now. How he wanted to smash the stupid thing. Yet he scrubbed it clean and set it aside on the counter to dry.
Just then he heard a rustle of fabric, as someone walked into the kitchen.
"I feel bad that you have to go through this again." said Taemin, hugging him from behind. Minho felt Taemin press his cheek against his shoulder.
"It's alright. i knew this was coming the minute we got onto that couch." Taemin giggled, the movement sending waves of exitement all over his body. He didnt want to get into another mess with Kibum. Must use self control, must use self control, must ignore the soft hand travelling up my shirt ....
"That was so much fun hyung, " came the husky whisper in his ear. "I think i want to do it again." The warm breath on his neck pushed him to snap, but he held onto himself.
"I don't think we should Taeminnie, not now atleast. If Kibum found us again we-"
Taemin cut him off "But hyung" he whined, "I was just listening to Shout out(1), and listening to you're rap really does get to me, listening to you're growl right after my part really turns me on" Minho felt one hand softly carress his chest, while the other dipped under his the waistband of his tracks. He felt warm fingers slowly, agonisingly inch toward his already twitching member. And then he felT Taemin nip the shell of his ear, and holy fuck Kibum could drown in his world of chores, but how he loved the way Taemin could turn so naughty when people weren't around.
Abandoning the gloves on the sink, he whipped around, pulling Taemin close, capturing his lips in a fiery kiss. The scent of milk and honey floating off the younger boys skin drove him over the edge. He wanted to eat him whole if it was possible. Taemin moaned as he felt the throbbing erection rise in his hands. It was so easy when it came to getting Minho in bed. They broke apart for air, and in barely a breaths time, Minho felt himself bieng pressed to the counter, his pants bieng pulled off, and a pair of sinful plump lips around his member. He couldnt help but moan out load, one hand wrapping itself in Taemin's long hair. In his opinion, this was the best sex hair ever. He felt teeth graze the hardened flesh, plush lips gliding up and down the length, picking up speed, a skilled tongue pressing down on the tip. He was seeing stars. blood pounded in his ears so loudly he wasn't even sure whether all those dirty words, whimpers of pleasure; were coming from him. Taemin picked up speed, bobbing his head up and down, sucking even harder. He felt the muscles tense in the older boys legs, his body quaking with the oncoming pressure. He wasn't going to let this end so soon. Minho cursed through his teeth when he felt a hand wrap itself tightly around the base of his length.
"Taemin no," he gasped, "Please don't, not now," All he got in return was a smirk of satisfaction.He was sure he learned all of this from Kibum. He could even see the freakish resemblance. And then all thoughts flew out of his head as Taemin tugged on his member. Hard. He felt his body shake violently with the dry orgasm. His eyes rolled back, his arms and legs having gone numb a long time ago. Taemin just sucked harder, trailing his tongue on the underside of his member. And just as he came to his end, Taemin mercifully let go of the tight grip around the base, and he came in a large burst, exploding all over the side of Taemins face. Minho gasped as he doubled over trying to catch his breath, giving the younger boy a shaky peck on the lips. "Sorry about that," he said, as he watched the younger boy wipe the side of his face.
And Taemin continued to smirk, as he licked his fingers clean. Minho straitened up, turning around to fetch himself a glass of water when his arm knocked over the glass blender. And as though in slow motion, he watched the blender fall towards the floor, breaking with a deafening crash, as glass collided with stone.
Aw Hell No.
Even Taemin lost his all-victorious smirk, and a look of horror dawned on both thier faces, as they stared at each other. Not the blender...
.... the lock clicked on the front door, and a chirpy voice sang "WE'RE HOME~" \
Taemin froze with fear on the spot. Not for himself. But for his boyfriend. Minho felt fear rise through his chest, and then die down as he saw Kibums face appear at the kitchen entrance, mouth falling open. Here we go again.
Behind Kibum, stood Jinki and Jonghyun, both already aware of the oncoming homiciede of Choi Minho, albiet, Jonghyun figured it out a little faster than Jinki. Jonghyun grabbed the elders arm, pulling him towards the door. They hadn't even taken thier shoes off.
"Where are we going?" Jinki asked as Jonghyun opened the door.
"We're going for dinner, hyung."
"But Kibummie was about to make chicken curry. ITS CHICKEN JJONG-AH!!!! WE CANT LEAVE!!!"
"Hyung, I'll buy you fried chicken. It's better than curry."
As they entered the elevator, they heard the distinct sound of Kibum exploding.
(1) Shout out: 2:08 - 2:17
I simply LOVE Taemins bit, and after he's done singing that husky whisper and then the growl from Minho before he starts again....REALLY GETS TO ME >.<