MY 100 FESTIVUS GRIEVENCES
JEFF’S TOP 100 FESTIVUS GRIEVENCES
1. Fire alarms
2. Rollers
3. Third floor elevator stops
4. Jay Feely
5. Broken Radiators, and those who repair them
6. Loud Refrigerators
7. Alarm Clocks
8. Cat 5’s
9. Being Poor
10. Wes Mantooth
11. People who don’t take their laundry out of the dryer
12. Roommates who don’t shower
13. Shitty toilet paper
14. Bed Jumping injuries
15. No reruns of Doogie Howser M.D.
16. Catvision doesn’t get NICK GAS
17. No such thing as the “5, 5” deal at Dominos
18. Wendy’s suck in NH
19. Fuck Shoes.
20. People who write “RIMJOB” on doors
21. Bitches
22. Our room is a constant sausage fest
23. Lack of working NERF darts.
24. Bike Rooms
25. Low Fat foods
26. Vegans and Vegetarians
27. Feminists
28. Original Nintendo Power Cords
29. Pee Wee’s Big Adventure is not on DC++
30. The ozone layer
31. People who set bulletin boards on fire at 4 am.
32. Mis-colored TVs
33. Tinsel (it’s a distraction)
34. The Yankees
35. Terrible HBO “porn”
36. Batman- he is NOT a superhero, he’s rich.
37. Parents/ little kids walking around the halls.
38. People who fold laundry out of the driers, when there is a line waiting
39. Napoleon Dynamite quoters
40. My current sobriety
41. Steroids in Baseball
42. Anime
43. Torn Ligaments
44. Soccer. Seriously, soccer sucks.
45. People who don’t brush their teeth
46. Musicals.
47. Harvey Birdman
48. Cock blocks
49. Elevator trash
50. Sandy/ coffee-caked beds
51. Kenda bike tubes
52. Broken window latches
53. General room funk
54. Loosing Floor Wars
55. Masking-taped shut CD players circa 1993
56. The ENTIRE state of Connecticut
57. “Emo” everything
58. Hot Topic
59. Hot girls who tell you stories about their boyfriends
60. Lying signs on the way into Stillings promising food that isn’t there.
61. Robosapiens
62. Over the Top
63. No car.
64. Laser sights are inaccurate on NERF guns
65. Peyton Manning
66. New versions of Power Rangers and Ninja Turtles (minus the fruit snacks)
67. Rosie O’Donnel and Rosanne Barr
68. Condaliza Rice
69. Joe Buck
70. GEORGE BUSH
71. David Spade without Chris Farley
72. Blue Collar TV
73. Female comedians especially Jeanne Garafalo
74. Reality Shows
75. NFL on Fox
76. 8 am classes, made worse by hangovers
77. You know what? every class I’ve ever been to.
78. Christmas; it should be a “Festivus for the Rest of Us”
79. Going home.
80. The Mass Pike
81. Trying to get kicked out of our own room by random girls
82. Con artist girls.
83. People who don’t want their change
84. My job back home
85. The Matrix 2 and beyond
86. The name Pekins
87. Empty Peanut jars
88. Poorly constructed “Garbage Table”
89. Hermoine from Harry Potter isn’t legal yet
90. Child molesting roommates
91. Lights out for the “Wreath Lighting”
92. Traitors
93. Gwen Stefani
94. Venus Williams
95. The Numa Numa Kid
96. Not getting Dane Cook tickets
97. Lack of Ballcuzzis
98. I don’t have a favorite Little Rascal
99. Wheat Bread
100. People who can read, but refuse to because they would rather “watch the movie”
1. Fire alarms
2. Rollers
3. Third floor elevator stops
4. Jay Feely
5. Broken Radiators, and those who repair them
6. Loud Refrigerators
7. Alarm Clocks
8. Cat 5’s
9. Being Poor
10. Wes Mantooth
11. People who don’t take their laundry out of the dryer
12. Roommates who don’t shower
13. Shitty toilet paper
14. Bed Jumping injuries
15. No reruns of Doogie Howser M.D.
16. Catvision doesn’t get NICK GAS
17. No such thing as the “5, 5” deal at Dominos
18. Wendy’s suck in NH
19. Fuck Shoes.
20. People who write “RIMJOB” on doors
21. Bitches
22. Our room is a constant sausage fest
23. Lack of working NERF darts.
24. Bike Rooms
25. Low Fat foods
26. Vegans and Vegetarians
27. Feminists
28. Original Nintendo Power Cords
29. Pee Wee’s Big Adventure is not on DC++
30. The ozone layer
31. People who set bulletin boards on fire at 4 am.
32. Mis-colored TVs
33. Tinsel (it’s a distraction)
34. The Yankees
35. Terrible HBO “porn”
36. Batman- he is NOT a superhero, he’s rich.
37. Parents/ little kids walking around the halls.
38. People who fold laundry out of the driers, when there is a line waiting
39. Napoleon Dynamite quoters
40. My current sobriety
41. Steroids in Baseball
42. Anime
43. Torn Ligaments
44. Soccer. Seriously, soccer sucks.
45. People who don’t brush their teeth
46. Musicals.
47. Harvey Birdman
48. Cock blocks
49. Elevator trash
50. Sandy/ coffee-caked beds
51. Kenda bike tubes
52. Broken window latches
53. General room funk
54. Loosing Floor Wars
55. Masking-taped shut CD players circa 1993
56. The ENTIRE state of Connecticut
57. “Emo” everything
58. Hot Topic
59. Hot girls who tell you stories about their boyfriends
60. Lying signs on the way into Stillings promising food that isn’t there.
61. Robosapiens
62. Over the Top
63. No car.
64. Laser sights are inaccurate on NERF guns
65. Peyton Manning
66. New versions of Power Rangers and Ninja Turtles (minus the fruit snacks)
67. Rosie O’Donnel and Rosanne Barr
68. Condaliza Rice
69. Joe Buck
70. GEORGE BUSH
71. David Spade without Chris Farley
72. Blue Collar TV
73. Female comedians especially Jeanne Garafalo
74. Reality Shows
75. NFL on Fox
76. 8 am classes, made worse by hangovers
77. You know what? every class I’ve ever been to.
78. Christmas; it should be a “Festivus for the Rest of Us”
79. Going home.
80. The Mass Pike
81. Trying to get kicked out of our own room by random girls
82. Con artist girls.
83. People who don’t want their change
84. My job back home
85. The Matrix 2 and beyond
86. The name Pekins
87. Empty Peanut jars
88. Poorly constructed “Garbage Table”
89. Hermoine from Harry Potter isn’t legal yet
90. Child molesting roommates
91. Lights out for the “Wreath Lighting”
92. Traitors
93. Gwen Stefani
94. Venus Williams
95. The Numa Numa Kid
96. Not getting Dane Cook tickets
97. Lack of Ballcuzzis
98. I don’t have a favorite Little Rascal
99. Wheat Bread
100. People who can read, but refuse to because they would rather “watch the movie”