I don't want to leave.

[its_erinnn]

I don't want to go to California. I want to stay here with my friends. I'm sick of being alone. I get sad when I'm alone. I feel like I miss out on everything. I don't want to go to a house and be alone with my thoughts and get sick of myself and just lay around all day. That's what I've done all week already. I don't want to do it anymore. I don't want to be around my family and then feel obligated to go socialize with these people that I don't know. I'll get depressed sitting home alone, and I'll feel awkward and embarrassed with these fucking girls I don't even know. I just want to stay home and be with my friends. I'm sick of being by myself. I'm fucking crying. I need to be around people that care about me BESIDES my goddamn family. Around them I just get treated like a mental patient. "How are you doing, are you doing better? Is this medication working? Are you suicidal? Can I leave you home alone?" DLSKFJLASKDJF LEAVE ME ALONE. I get they want to help but I just want to have a spring break where I can stay home and just have fun with my fucking friends. They dragged me out last year when I REALLY didn't want to go, and I had a horrible time because of it. Yes I know vacations and nice houses are not horrible. But I don't need it. I don't enjoy them nearly as much as you do. I don't need to go to Mexico every year. I'd be fine if I never went to Mexico for the next ten to fifteen years. I don't LIKE traveling. Once in awhile is fun but doing it as frequently as we do it becomes a hassle, and an annoyance to me. I know the house is nice, I know. It's wonderful, you guys should go and enjoy it and LEAVE ME HERE because I don't want to go! Why do we have to do so much goddamn traveling when I don't hardly enjoy it. I hate packing, getting there, once I'm there I miss my friends, and just wish they were there or that I was home, and then awkward cleaning people and I can only handle laying out in the sun for like 2 days. I can't do it. I get sick of myself, my thoughts, my music, and I just want to BE AROUND FRIENDS. Why can't they let me. I'm almost sixteen, I can handle a fucking week away from them. I would welcome it. I know I sound like a fucking cunt complaining because my parents take me on too many vacations, but I just don't have fun on them like they do. I just don't. I'm not that type of person. I don't need to travel the world before my eighteenth birthday. Vacations have almost been ruined for me because I've gone on so fucking many. Let me see the last year, Palm Springs, Costa Rica, New York, Montana, Cabo, and before that even Brekenridge. Before that Mexico about 3 times, Telluride, I DONT NEED THIS. Going on a vacation with my friends would be a blast, but going with my family just isn't. I end up alone, ALWAYS. I prefer being alone to making bullshit small talk with  some people I have nothing in common with and have no interest getting to know. Call me a spoiled bitch. I just know that going to Palm Springs AGAIN, and being alone laying in the sun all day isn't going to help me. In fact I probably won't really enjoy myself. Ahhadhfhshdfhdjj

Let me stay fucking HOME.