(no subject)
- "Everything you wanted, you got it your whole life."
- Today was kinda weird.
- I had a good day at school.........and I got home and cried and I don't even know why.
- I think it's because I am beginning to realize that my Dad will no longer be here to support me becaues I'm always having to watch out for him. I feel like I'm the adult and he's the child because I always have to make sure he isn't drinking again..or remind him to pay child support.
- It's just ridiculous...and no one really understands. I mean people are here for me, and feel sorry, but no one that I know is going through the same thing so it's really hard to deal with on top of everything else that I have to worry about. I'm so tired of people bitching about me constantly about the stupidest shit. I just wish everyone would go away sometimes, just for like an hour so I could gather my thoughts...
- My brother is such an ass. He comes down the stairs and sees me at the computer and says "well, whaddya know.". God, I mean he hasn't even been home the entire night and the second he gets here he starts being a jerk to me. Why does he think he can do that?
- I hate it when my mom says to just ignore him and he'll stop...yeah, that definitly doesn't work. It just gets me more pissed when people don't do anything about it.
- I've been having doubts about faith lately. I mean, if there is a God, he sure as hell hasn't helped me any. I dunno....maybe it's just a phase, but I dunno what I believe. Me and my mom were at Borders the other day and I was looking at books on Buddhism (just to study up on it cuz it sounds interesting) and she was like.."What are you doing? The Christian books are over here". I hate how close minded and naive she is...she just wants something to hold on to, I swear.
- I also feel like I'm being pressured into the whole "God" thing. My mom makes me go to church on Sundays, and I dunno..I just don't know.
- I'm reading a really good book right now. It's called The Lovely Bones. You should read it..it's really good. The girl in the book gets murdered and is talking about the lives of the people she was near after she died. It kinda makes me think about what would happen if I died. Like, how would people react? Would they even care? I'm so blah.
- Well, I'm out. Tired.
- Love
*~Michelle