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[itrybutyousee]

I guess I really dont care about people. Lately, in the past 6 months or so, i've found myself fantasizing about killing people. Various ways; it goes from blunt ends of shovels, to gutting with knives, to - well the last few weeks it's been a combination of those two. There've been other ways i've fantasized about, but I tend to obsess. I've been

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[itrybutyousee]

That's a rather long story. After 2 years of talking, and on the promise that if she paid for her ticket to come here and back then I would pay for her end of the vacation while she was here, she came, I toured her around NZ for 2 weeks, and then she left. Only afterwards did I find out that she'd been seeing someone else for 3 months prior to coming to NZ, her parents bailed her out for half the plane ticket cost, and she cut off all communication with me - phone, internet, email, etc (whereas all that was previously quite frequent).

After saving for a year to pay for the vacation, I still went into debt to pay for it all. A few thousand on my end.

So in the end she got a sweet, free ride, fooled me completely into thinking she cared about me, and doesn't have to deal with someone 8000 miles away.

That's the short, bare-bones story.

As a way of coping (seeing as I have essentially no way of contacting her without a ridiculous amount of work getting to her), I fantasize, from time to time, about killing her. It's mainly just because
I'm so angry. It's just a fantasy.