I gotta be ME!
Dear Kelly,
Yesterday a married couple asked me to consider marrying them (as in being an
extra wife not as in performing a marriage ceremony which would be silly as
they're already married) because I had such an impressive array of wife skills.
How can I use my dazzling wife skills (cooking, organization, massages, hostess
skills, fire building) to my own advantage instead of just treating everybody else?
Respectfully,
Unmarried Wife
Wow, Wife, how wonderful you must be that a married couple BOTH want you in their lives on a permanent basis! Kudos. As far as using your plethora of talents to better enrich your own life, let me recommend something to you. Selfishness. So many people in the world spend much of their time trying to make the world a batter place, helping others, volunteering, giving to charity, etc. These are commendable acts, though the virtue of selfishness is often lost in the mix.
I believe, wholeheartedly, that there are times in life when one must look exclusively to their own betterment. Tell everyone you know to fuck off and spend every minute of the day in complete dedication to pampering and nurturing yourself. Look after #1. Even if it's just one day in a week which you declare "ME DAY". Take care of your shit. Put your living space into an order that you like, for you and no one else. Masturbate. Read a trashy book. Read a literary masterpiece. Spit off the roof. Turn off your phone. Have a bath and listen to bad pop music that you secretly love.
All that said, the key to living selfishly is to learn how to use the word "no." It took me many years to be able to say that, and I'm a happier person because of it.
On the flip side, if you trul;y enjoy using your wife skills for other people, maybe you could become an in-home caretaker or something? You'd get paid for it and you'll never find people more grateful for your skills than people who can't take care of themselves. Hell, there's not much I won't do for a good backrub, could I book you for an hour or so?
-KD
Yesterday a married couple asked me to consider marrying them (as in being an
extra wife not as in performing a marriage ceremony which would be silly as
they're already married) because I had such an impressive array of wife skills.
How can I use my dazzling wife skills (cooking, organization, massages, hostess
skills, fire building) to my own advantage instead of just treating everybody else?
Respectfully,
Unmarried Wife
Wow, Wife, how wonderful you must be that a married couple BOTH want you in their lives on a permanent basis! Kudos. As far as using your plethora of talents to better enrich your own life, let me recommend something to you. Selfishness. So many people in the world spend much of their time trying to make the world a batter place, helping others, volunteering, giving to charity, etc. These are commendable acts, though the virtue of selfishness is often lost in the mix.
I believe, wholeheartedly, that there are times in life when one must look exclusively to their own betterment. Tell everyone you know to fuck off and spend every minute of the day in complete dedication to pampering and nurturing yourself. Look after #1. Even if it's just one day in a week which you declare "ME DAY". Take care of your shit. Put your living space into an order that you like, for you and no one else. Masturbate. Read a trashy book. Read a literary masterpiece. Spit off the roof. Turn off your phone. Have a bath and listen to bad pop music that you secretly love.
All that said, the key to living selfishly is to learn how to use the word "no." It took me many years to be able to say that, and I'm a happier person because of it.
On the flip side, if you trul;y enjoy using your wife skills for other people, maybe you could become an in-home caretaker or something? You'd get paid for it and you'll never find people more grateful for your skills than people who can't take care of themselves. Hell, there's not much I won't do for a good backrub, could I book you for an hour or so?
-KD