An Inevitable Discussion
Kelly,
So I'm getting over a three year relationship that I had with another man. I'm going to spend at least a year or two to work on myself (er, emotionally), and then I'd like to start dating women again (I'm openly bisexual), and settle down. The relationship ended pretty terribly, and I don't feel much need to discuss it anymore, but I'm sure I'd have to discuss it with any future significant other and I'm not sure what do about explaining the subject. Is this really a deal-breaker to even the most progressive woman?
-Concerned
Well.
Simply put, if you're considering a serious relationship with someone, male or female, the subject of your past loves is bound to come up eventually. If, in a couple years, you're still not comfy with talking about this ex of yours, you are perfectly within your rights to say so. Maybe try something like "It ended badly, It's in the past, I'm with you now and that's the end of it." Knowing how girls are about secrets though, that's not likely going to be the end of it. Every woman I know has at least two things in common. One, a sincere love of secrecy. Two, an equally sincere hate of secrets held from them.
If the relationship is going to be a good and honest one, you're going to have to pony up and dish about your ex at some point or another. I'd hope that after such a long time you'd be able to look back on it objectively and be able to talk about it.
No, I don't think that you having been in a romantic relationship with a man is a deal breaker for a future relationship with a woman, if that woman is really attracted to you for you. If it is, then she's a dumb bitch who doesn't deserve your attention. I mean, I wouldn't have an issue with it, I happen to think boy on boy is pretty awesome. But then, I like to think I'm pretty progressive myself.
I hope this helps. Relationships gone sour are a shitty thing to have to deal with. Nobody ever ends up a winner.
-KD
So I'm getting over a three year relationship that I had with another man. I'm going to spend at least a year or two to work on myself (er, emotionally), and then I'd like to start dating women again (I'm openly bisexual), and settle down. The relationship ended pretty terribly, and I don't feel much need to discuss it anymore, but I'm sure I'd have to discuss it with any future significant other and I'm not sure what do about explaining the subject. Is this really a deal-breaker to even the most progressive woman?
-Concerned
Well.
Simply put, if you're considering a serious relationship with someone, male or female, the subject of your past loves is bound to come up eventually. If, in a couple years, you're still not comfy with talking about this ex of yours, you are perfectly within your rights to say so. Maybe try something like "It ended badly, It's in the past, I'm with you now and that's the end of it." Knowing how girls are about secrets though, that's not likely going to be the end of it. Every woman I know has at least two things in common. One, a sincere love of secrecy. Two, an equally sincere hate of secrets held from them.
If the relationship is going to be a good and honest one, you're going to have to pony up and dish about your ex at some point or another. I'd hope that after such a long time you'd be able to look back on it objectively and be able to talk about it.
No, I don't think that you having been in a romantic relationship with a man is a deal breaker for a future relationship with a woman, if that woman is really attracted to you for you. If it is, then she's a dumb bitch who doesn't deserve your attention. I mean, I wouldn't have an issue with it, I happen to think boy on boy is pretty awesome. But then, I like to think I'm pretty progressive myself.
I hope this helps. Relationships gone sour are a shitty thing to have to deal with. Nobody ever ends up a winner.
-KD