I still can't believe he said that
On this afternoon's edition of Things Gwen Despises: friends who turn out to be closet homophobes.
I was at a party on Saturday (yes, it's still bugging me four days later) and my friend -- let's call him "Johnny," because that's not his name -- said something that made it clear he thought anal sex was disgusting, and bad for one's health, and possibly even Wrong. Naturally, I protested his off-hand comment, but much to my shock, Johnny was adamant.
Are there health concerns related to anal sex? Yes, of course; there are health concerns related to any kind of sex. There are health concerns related to driving a car, or riding a bike, or even breathing if you live in some parts of the country. Hell -- I know three different people in my department who have almost drowned at some point in their adult lives, but Johnny doesn't run for the hills when we all go swimming. There are risks involved with lots of activities, but the correct solution is to do them as smartly and safely as possible, not to avoid them like the plague.
What it comes down to is stigma. Johnny has internalized the stigma that our society attaches to non-heterosexual, non-vanilla sex. The problem is, if you attach stigma to an activity that's an integral part of the lives of a particular group of people, you also attach stigma to those people. You cannot support the people and damn the behavior (unless you only want to support abstinent gays).
I don't know why this conversation hit me so hard. Maybe I've spent too much time around uber-leftist bi poly awesome people and have forgotten what everyone else is like. Regardless, that conversation felt like a punch in the gut, and my insides are still hurting. I thought I could feel safe around Johnny; I knew we had some differences in our chosen lifestyles, but I thought he was basically an open-minded and accepting person. Turns out that wasn't a good assumption, after all.
I was at a party on Saturday (yes, it's still bugging me four days later) and my friend -- let's call him "Johnny," because that's not his name -- said something that made it clear he thought anal sex was disgusting, and bad for one's health, and possibly even Wrong. Naturally, I protested his off-hand comment, but much to my shock, Johnny was adamant.
Are there health concerns related to anal sex? Yes, of course; there are health concerns related to any kind of sex. There are health concerns related to driving a car, or riding a bike, or even breathing if you live in some parts of the country. Hell -- I know three different people in my department who have almost drowned at some point in their adult lives, but Johnny doesn't run for the hills when we all go swimming. There are risks involved with lots of activities, but the correct solution is to do them as smartly and safely as possible, not to avoid them like the plague.
What it comes down to is stigma. Johnny has internalized the stigma that our society attaches to non-heterosexual, non-vanilla sex. The problem is, if you attach stigma to an activity that's an integral part of the lives of a particular group of people, you also attach stigma to those people. You cannot support the people and damn the behavior (unless you only want to support abstinent gays).
I don't know why this conversation hit me so hard. Maybe I've spent too much time around uber-leftist bi poly awesome people and have forgotten what everyone else is like. Regardless, that conversation felt like a punch in the gut, and my insides are still hurting. I thought I could feel safe around Johnny; I knew we had some differences in our chosen lifestyles, but I thought he was basically an open-minded and accepting person. Turns out that wasn't a good assumption, after all.