Updates/Additions to Suicidal Sam - Compendium I & II- November 2, 2015
[Because reasons. ALL the reasons.]
10 stories added, plus: New Category! All of the Above
A special note on sammehsayum's Baba O'Riley and Eleanor Rigby Walk Into a Bar, because I feel like I need to explain why this is only just now getting on the list.
I don't list stories unless I've actually read them. I'd never read Baba..., despite the fact that every single person who tags or recs suicidal!sam includes this story. I was put off 1) by the title and 2) the fact that it was so popular . . . I harbor deep suspicions about anything that is very popular . . . which was pretty dumb in this case; I should have trusted my fellow suicidal!sam aficionados! I never even got the hint after reading and enjoying her excellent (eating-disordered!sam) Brittle. Anyway, it is here, go read it!
Also, thoughts on Season 10/Season 11 based stories:
[Season 10] I find it interesting that when we finally got what we've all been craving - a whole filmed scene of Sam doggedly carving himself up with a knife, for Dean's own good - there weren't a whole lot of writers picking that up and running with it. A few, sure, but not many. I'm wondering if having it up there on screen somehow sucked the joy out of it all.
[Season 11] Haven't seen any suicidal!sam/Season 11 fic yet (please share if you know any!) - but it seems to me the looming Empty should be really appealing to Sam. As much as I love all things suicidal!sam, I do have to question why someone would commit suicide if he was 100% certain that Hell existed and was 99% sure that that was where he was headed. But oblivion is another thing entirely. And knowing Dean can't drag him back would be a huge plus.
Voicemail
What You Don't Know by Quiet Crash
Dean comes back from Purgatory and finds his brother domesticated and withdrawn from the hunting life. Naturally he jumps to the conclusion that Sam abandoned him to find his cursed normal while Dean fought for his life. He should have known not to assume anything when it came to his little brother.
Testing Lucifer's promise
Cognitive Realignment by Blue_Jay
To Sam, Dean is everything he needs and doesn't need to be. The amulet showed that and when Sam needed verification that what was going on in his head was really just his imagination, all he had to do was look to his brother and it was there, a constant reminder. And it was always with them, every second of every day.
Until it wasn't.
I started the Apocalypse
Last Good Deed by sometimesspn
After Dean goes to Hell, Sam just wants to do one thing right. And then there's Ruby. And then there's blood. And he just wants to do one thing right. And then Lucifer's out. And he figures it out.
It Ends When You Can't Take It Anymore
Always Keep Fighting by sammiephillips
Sam's being tormented by Lucifer in Bobby's panic room and Dean deals with the aftermath.
Sympathy for the Devil by FloofeyMarshmallow
Dean walked into the bathroom and did not see what he expected to see. Sam, his baby brother, Sammy, was laying on the ground, unconscious with blood pouring from his wrist at an alarming rate.
The Penny Dropped
Be Free by Lady_Akuma_Wolf
AU from end of Southern Comfort. Sam takes Dean's words to heart, his mind throwing in its own two cents. Believing it is what will make Dean happy, Sam runs and becomes untraceable until it is almost too late. Dean calls in any help he can to find his brother, including angelic assistance. But finding someone with the knowledge Sam has, and who doesn't want to be found, the remaining members of Team Free Will better pull out all the stops, and fast. Sastiel
What You Don't Know by Quiet Crash
Dean comes back from Purgatory and finds his brother domesticated and withdrawn from the hunting life. Naturally he jumps to the conclusion that Sam abandoned him to find his cursed normal while Dean fought for his life. He should have known not to assume anything when it came to his little brother.
UST/Wincest
Baba O'Riley and Eleanor Rigby Walk Into a Bar by sammehsayum
When Dean Winchester was four years old he almost lost his younger brother for the first time to a fire. When Dean Winchester was eighteen he almost lost his brother a second time to a full bathtub and a pack of sleeping pills, citing some decidedly unbrotherly feelings in his suicide note. At twenty-two he's about to lose him for a third time to Stanford University.
Remove All The Pieces One By One by Blue_Jay
"I've been watching to make sure you won't kill yourself since you were twelve. I haven't really succeeded either."
None of the Above All of the Above
Because reasons. ALL the reasons.
Coping by HCAddict
S10. Sam ponders some of the hurtful things Dean has said over the years. He feels hopeless.
No Dominion by center_galaxy
Sam's lost a lot of things in his life--his chance at a normal life, his lovers, and now his health--but with Sarah's death weighing on him, he's also losing hope. It's up to Dean to change that.
Shots by gothpandaotaku
After the events of Dark Dynasty Sam comes to the realization, with the help of a bottle of whiskey, that he can't watch another person he cares about die. So he'll take the one to blame out of the equation: himself.
None of the Above
Sticks and Stones by center_galaxy
Words can never be unsaid. Choices can never be unmade. And forgiveness is never as easy as saying sorry.
Updates/Additions to the Suicidal!Sam Compendium II
Added 6 stories.
It Ends When You Can't Take It Anymore
Screaming Silence by whovianonakayak
With the devil in his mind, Sam can't take it anymore. Will Sam's life end at the end of a gun, and will he be behind the trigger?
None of the Above
In The Old House On The Corner by ErinisMagic
In the old house on the corner, there lived a man...
Lethe by Nicolive
It had the power to drown people, to let them die in peace, wiping away their memories of life, and taking away the threat of Hell or Heaven. If you died in the river Lethe, you would truly die in peace, never to feel the sting of your soul moving on.
Over the Edge by EstrellaQueAdmiro
Sam is beating himself up over Charlie's death and Dean is piling on the blame. But how much can the younger Winchester take?
Something You Can't Replace by Er-BearG32
What happens if more was said between Sam and Dean at the end of episode 9x13? Sam never expected his brother to react the way he did, but once more hurtful words are spoken between them, there's no taking them back.
The Darkness in Sam Winchester by CallaLee
Sam has finally taken the last steps toward the end of his life.
10 stories added, plus: New Category! All of the Above
A special note on sammehsayum's Baba O'Riley and Eleanor Rigby Walk Into a Bar, because I feel like I need to explain why this is only just now getting on the list.
I don't list stories unless I've actually read them. I'd never read Baba..., despite the fact that every single person who tags or recs suicidal!sam includes this story. I was put off 1) by the title and 2) the fact that it was so popular . . . I harbor deep suspicions about anything that is very popular . . . which was pretty dumb in this case; I should have trusted my fellow suicidal!sam aficionados! I never even got the hint after reading and enjoying her excellent (eating-disordered!sam) Brittle. Anyway, it is here, go read it!
Also, thoughts on Season 10/Season 11 based stories:
[Season 10] I find it interesting that when we finally got what we've all been craving - a whole filmed scene of Sam doggedly carving himself up with a knife, for Dean's own good - there weren't a whole lot of writers picking that up and running with it. A few, sure, but not many. I'm wondering if having it up there on screen somehow sucked the joy out of it all.
[Season 11] Haven't seen any suicidal!sam/Season 11 fic yet (please share if you know any!) - but it seems to me the looming Empty should be really appealing to Sam. As much as I love all things suicidal!sam, I do have to question why someone would commit suicide if he was 100% certain that Hell existed and was 99% sure that that was where he was headed. But oblivion is another thing entirely. And knowing Dean can't drag him back would be a huge plus.
Voicemail
What You Don't Know by Quiet Crash
Dean comes back from Purgatory and finds his brother domesticated and withdrawn from the hunting life. Naturally he jumps to the conclusion that Sam abandoned him to find his cursed normal while Dean fought for his life. He should have known not to assume anything when it came to his little brother.
Testing Lucifer's promise
Cognitive Realignment by Blue_Jay
To Sam, Dean is everything he needs and doesn't need to be. The amulet showed that and when Sam needed verification that what was going on in his head was really just his imagination, all he had to do was look to his brother and it was there, a constant reminder. And it was always with them, every second of every day.
Until it wasn't.
I started the Apocalypse
Last Good Deed by sometimesspn
After Dean goes to Hell, Sam just wants to do one thing right. And then there's Ruby. And then there's blood. And he just wants to do one thing right. And then Lucifer's out. And he figures it out.
It Ends When You Can't Take It Anymore
Always Keep Fighting by sammiephillips
Sam's being tormented by Lucifer in Bobby's panic room and Dean deals with the aftermath.
Sympathy for the Devil by FloofeyMarshmallow
Dean walked into the bathroom and did not see what he expected to see. Sam, his baby brother, Sammy, was laying on the ground, unconscious with blood pouring from his wrist at an alarming rate.
The Penny Dropped
Be Free by Lady_Akuma_Wolf
AU from end of Southern Comfort. Sam takes Dean's words to heart, his mind throwing in its own two cents. Believing it is what will make Dean happy, Sam runs and becomes untraceable until it is almost too late. Dean calls in any help he can to find his brother, including angelic assistance. But finding someone with the knowledge Sam has, and who doesn't want to be found, the remaining members of Team Free Will better pull out all the stops, and fast. Sastiel
What You Don't Know by Quiet Crash
Dean comes back from Purgatory and finds his brother domesticated and withdrawn from the hunting life. Naturally he jumps to the conclusion that Sam abandoned him to find his cursed normal while Dean fought for his life. He should have known not to assume anything when it came to his little brother.
UST/Wincest
Baba O'Riley and Eleanor Rigby Walk Into a Bar by sammehsayum
When Dean Winchester was four years old he almost lost his younger brother for the first time to a fire. When Dean Winchester was eighteen he almost lost his brother a second time to a full bathtub and a pack of sleeping pills, citing some decidedly unbrotherly feelings in his suicide note. At twenty-two he's about to lose him for a third time to Stanford University.
Remove All The Pieces One By One by Blue_Jay
"I've been watching to make sure you won't kill yourself since you were twelve. I haven't really succeeded either."
None of the Above All of the Above
Because reasons. ALL the reasons.
Coping by HCAddict
S10. Sam ponders some of the hurtful things Dean has said over the years. He feels hopeless.
No Dominion by center_galaxy
Sam's lost a lot of things in his life--his chance at a normal life, his lovers, and now his health--but with Sarah's death weighing on him, he's also losing hope. It's up to Dean to change that.
Shots by gothpandaotaku
After the events of Dark Dynasty Sam comes to the realization, with the help of a bottle of whiskey, that he can't watch another person he cares about die. So he'll take the one to blame out of the equation: himself.
None of the Above
Sticks and Stones by center_galaxy
Words can never be unsaid. Choices can never be unmade. And forgiveness is never as easy as saying sorry.
Updates/Additions to the Suicidal!Sam Compendium II
Added 6 stories.
It Ends When You Can't Take It Anymore
Screaming Silence by whovianonakayak
With the devil in his mind, Sam can't take it anymore. Will Sam's life end at the end of a gun, and will he be behind the trigger?
None of the Above
In The Old House On The Corner by ErinisMagic
In the old house on the corner, there lived a man...
Lethe by Nicolive
It had the power to drown people, to let them die in peace, wiping away their memories of life, and taking away the threat of Hell or Heaven. If you died in the river Lethe, you would truly die in peace, never to feel the sting of your soul moving on.
Over the Edge by EstrellaQueAdmiro
Sam is beating himself up over Charlie's death and Dean is piling on the blame. But how much can the younger Winchester take?
Something You Can't Replace by Er-BearG32
What happens if more was said between Sam and Dean at the end of episode 9x13? Sam never expected his brother to react the way he did, but once more hurtful words are spoken between them, there's no taking them back.
The Darkness in Sam Winchester by CallaLee
Sam has finally taken the last steps toward the end of his life.