Movie review
Ok SO some people have asked my why I hate the new Indy movie soo soo much. This will contain spoilers, but this movie was an obvious piece of crap from the start so i don't see what i could spoil besides George and Steve's plan to steal $10 from you.
The Movie starts out of course with the new bad guys, the Ruskies. The ruskies have infiltrated america, kidnapped Indy and his Friend(worst character ever) and smuggled them into new mexico with an entire russian infantry division. Where they proceed to launch a comical assualt on...(really 10 guys with machine guys hiding behind the one russian officer dude) Area 51 of course. Cate Blanchett appears as her menacing villian! She's so unforgetably evil that she constantly changes accents from russian to british. She does however have a wild-eyed look and a Greay Jumpsuit that makes her look fat.
Anyhow at this point they drag Indy and his Friend out of the car, and take them inside the Area 51 warehouse. This was the point i knew the crap was going to being flowing, as they transition from a large warehouse exterior to a huge extradimensional CGI interior. George was so eager to use CGI he had to have CGI crates in the first 5 minutes... CRATES!! Did real crates jump in price recently? So they tell Indy to find them the Crate they're looking for. It turns out she wants the coffin of an alien! Of course she does, this is Indiana Jones Alien hunter! So Indy gets them to empty all their gun powder into his hat so he can throw it up in the air and watch it fly around the room. See gunpowder is magnetic and when you throw it in the air it flys around the room, it's simple science really. Now that Indy has gone all Macguyver on us. He leads them to the crate, His friend changes sides for one of the 12 times during the movie and betrays him and he makes a run for it.
Of course the russians instead of staying and grabbing everything in area 51 (including the ARK) they decide to chase indy through the dessert onto a nuclear test site. Luckily for Indy Frigidaire during the 50's (not many people know this) made their home fridges to be able to withstand a full on ground 0 nuclear blast. So of course Indy jumped in the fridge, 2 seconds before a Nuclear weapon went off and was thrown several miles away, where the fridge opened and our intrepid hero rolls out unharmed and immediately surrounded by a US government scrub team.
Now i'm sorry this is where i lost all hope, in fact the rest of the movie was in such a haze i'll just gloss over the rest of the movie from the moments that hurt my brain enough for me to notice.
Motorcycle Chase scene(the commies really are everywhere!)
Recycling Russian Villians
Tarzan
Jungle chase
GUy constantly switching sides
Ants
Car off cliff onto tree into water.
Jar-Jar showed up (well actually no, but that would have been an improvement over the standard alien they did use, at least then i would have laughed.)
To me this movie was like the old indy knock offs from during the 80's... you know those alan quartermain and the lost city of gold movies. IT was like they stole one of those scripts, added in Indy and gave him some incredibly obvious personal plot. and threw in shitloads of CGI for the hell of it. Out of all the crap they could have had the Great Indiana Jones chasing, they chose some random bullshit that no one cares about. It would have been a better story and more interesting if he had gone in search of Manbearpig. I so wanted this to be good, really i did. But this movie does for the Indiana Jones series what Episode one did for star wars. A hack attempt at re-writing some sort of former glory and trying to shove a story in where it doesn't belong.
The Movie starts out of course with the new bad guys, the Ruskies. The ruskies have infiltrated america, kidnapped Indy and his Friend(worst character ever) and smuggled them into new mexico with an entire russian infantry division. Where they proceed to launch a comical assualt on...(really 10 guys with machine guys hiding behind the one russian officer dude) Area 51 of course. Cate Blanchett appears as her menacing villian! She's so unforgetably evil that she constantly changes accents from russian to british. She does however have a wild-eyed look and a Greay Jumpsuit that makes her look fat.
Anyhow at this point they drag Indy and his Friend out of the car, and take them inside the Area 51 warehouse. This was the point i knew the crap was going to being flowing, as they transition from a large warehouse exterior to a huge extradimensional CGI interior. George was so eager to use CGI he had to have CGI crates in the first 5 minutes... CRATES!! Did real crates jump in price recently? So they tell Indy to find them the Crate they're looking for. It turns out she wants the coffin of an alien! Of course she does, this is Indiana Jones Alien hunter! So Indy gets them to empty all their gun powder into his hat so he can throw it up in the air and watch it fly around the room. See gunpowder is magnetic and when you throw it in the air it flys around the room, it's simple science really. Now that Indy has gone all Macguyver on us. He leads them to the crate, His friend changes sides for one of the 12 times during the movie and betrays him and he makes a run for it.
Of course the russians instead of staying and grabbing everything in area 51 (including the ARK) they decide to chase indy through the dessert onto a nuclear test site. Luckily for Indy Frigidaire during the 50's (not many people know this) made their home fridges to be able to withstand a full on ground 0 nuclear blast. So of course Indy jumped in the fridge, 2 seconds before a Nuclear weapon went off and was thrown several miles away, where the fridge opened and our intrepid hero rolls out unharmed and immediately surrounded by a US government scrub team.
Now i'm sorry this is where i lost all hope, in fact the rest of the movie was in such a haze i'll just gloss over the rest of the movie from the moments that hurt my brain enough for me to notice.
Motorcycle Chase scene(the commies really are everywhere!)
Recycling Russian Villians
Tarzan
Jungle chase
GUy constantly switching sides
Ants
Car off cliff onto tree into water.
Jar-Jar showed up (well actually no, but that would have been an improvement over the standard alien they did use, at least then i would have laughed.)
To me this movie was like the old indy knock offs from during the 80's... you know those alan quartermain and the lost city of gold movies. IT was like they stole one of those scripts, added in Indy and gave him some incredibly obvious personal plot. and threw in shitloads of CGI for the hell of it. Out of all the crap they could have had the Great Indiana Jones chasing, they chose some random bullshit that no one cares about. It would have been a better story and more interesting if he had gone in search of Manbearpig. I so wanted this to be good, really i did. But this movie does for the Indiana Jones series what Episode one did for star wars. A hack attempt at re-writing some sort of former glory and trying to shove a story in where it doesn't belong.