4 days to go - my last push stressors
Another early morning here. I'm not sure what it is. Going to bed earlier than my body is really ready for - or the fact that my entire soul knows that I'm on the threshold of a personal revolution here. I don't know. There's one thing I do know - it never pays for me to stay in bed awake and stare at the ceiling. So, this is when I'll go ahead and make some quick updates.
Yesterday was stupid. Stupid at work, stupid at home. The redeeming parts of yesterday were when I went to Common Ground Cupcakes and met Wendy (teacher) to go over halfmoon and backward bending. Getting out of the house and away from Jim felt sort of nice; we were experiencing tension and bickering unnecessarily.
Jim has been SUPER helpful for the most part. He helped me ship my footlocker to the hotel yesterday. He was generally hilarious and himself all day. But in spite of this stuff, when it came to my final financial discussions with him (please pay the bills for the last couple of months, please drop the mortgage check in - mortgage has already pulled beginning of the month, and it's almost the 23rd...). I get infuriating when I'm constantly crunching our budgetary numbers - and since the beginning of our domestic partnership, while my cash usually drops immediately, he tends to drag on it. I'm not sure what annoys me more - this, or his house keeping. Although admittedly, I do feel less bad when I take a while to pay our bills into our joint account because of this, most of the time it's a nagging feeling I feel that in spite of my cash dropping - I am still waiting to see his drop into the account. I must ask him and tell him when to do it, rather than him being proactive. This makes me pretty frustrated. In my head, I want to say mean things. "Grow up, man!!! Get your shit together!" Truth is, he has his shit together. He just hates drawing out of his savings to drop the money on time because by some mental tabulation in his head, he thinks he's spending more if he draws out of savings before his paycheck drops??
My mortgage cash auto-deposits; I have it auto deposit with my regular paycheck. Most of my money goes into my personal bank account, and the proper amount goes into our joint automatically. I calculated it when we moved here and had my payroll do this for me. All I need to do it drop the smaller # for bills. Consequently I have the feeling of, "I always pay our account on time, why can't you?"
No matter how many times I will ask - he will likely get lazy about it. Well, it doesn't help that I HATE ASKING FOR MONEY, even if he owes it to our account. We have one buffer mortgage payment in there. And it usually feels like we don't if he is using it as a stop gap.
So, I was trying to get a lot done yesterday. The rest of my packing, spiffing the house, and also shipping my footlocker. Relief that it is all insured, and shipping there probably by Friday. It will beat me to LA by 2 days at most. Nice combo lock on it - I will be happy to have a place to lock up my stuff for the duration of 9 weeks, and in that trunk is appliances, my roving medicine cabinet should I get sick or feel like shit or need drugs because every part of my body hurts? hmmm.
Anyways. What also annoyed me was that someone's debit card to our joint account hasn't even been activated. Somehow this struck me as irresponsible - like he didn't give a crap about managing our cash. COME ON, dude. I can't do it all, and I won't do it all after next week. He will be doing the financing side of our household, and he better keep up on it. The whole thing, which normally I have more patience for, was making me want to yell. I'm not big on yelling. For the record, I didn't yell :P But I was getting pretty hot under the collar. He is also out of checks in his check book. He is also doing something he does NOT have to do; which is spot me some cash to pay off my credit card that has some of my training fee on it so I do not have to pay interest. On one hand this is nice. On the other hand, I hate relying on him for this. He wants to do this so I do not pay interest; he knows I will be getting MEP cash in January to pay him back etc.
None the less; he constantly whines about his savings. He has quite a bit of savings (now I'll never catch up to his savings, seeing as I went and blew my load on TT).
Regardless. He has been rather generous and I've tried to give him every option to back out lending me the cash for 2-3 months. He persists and wanting to do this for me; which quite frankly has shocked me seeing as it's JIM. He's squeaky and hates letting go of his Benjamins. But he also knows that I hate debt, and wouldn't take advantage of him... he also knows this will save me a certain amount of cash. Considering I will be flying him out for my graduation, and he likely won't be coming out sooner: I guess I should take the cash and run. ;) A 2-3 month loan from him won't kill me - and yes, it will save me interest. I put it on the card to earn air miles - for the record. Air miles so I can use them on him ...
So, while I need his cash for half our couches (we purchased earlier in the year) which I intend on paying down some of the balance for my airmiles card - he has been unable to drop that cash along with the household bills. The whole money part gave me a head splitting headache, and made me generally cranky. I want to have ALL MY SHIT taken care of way before Barry flies in, but Jim is seemingly making this difficult. FORTUNATELY, I came home and had an amazing stomach ache (lovely) where-in, I look 4 months pregnant because my gut swells up (oh so sexy) - and suddenly did not feel like housework. He did a few things which was great. Amber has also had the runs and has been shitting in my house. That also made my gut/evening unhappy.
Between negociating our frustrations at each other, dealing with teh dog, and Jim being awesome at this juncture and cleaning while I pretty much sat there - this is fine. Barry is coming, he's a neat freak, and I tend to hate looking like a slob (when I'm not, it's really 75% Jim, 25% me) - Jim DID do some stuff that will make it easier. I'll do more on my lunch hour tomorrow, and after work before bowling/skating with the OTO folks.
Which will be fun. This is our plan on Wednesday night. Jim usually does not go; but I am happy he is going tomorrow. Needless to say, yesterday I opted out of what would be my last class before LA. That can be the Heidi class I took with Jim on Tuesday - where she had me demonstrate for the class my backward bend. I can't tell you how shocked I was to be so deep in teh expression of that pose that I probably could have touched teh floor with my index fingers backward bending. IS THIS MY BODY???? When did that happen???
Heidi has been excited about my backward bend last week or so. It really opened up. I hope it will stay open and awesome for training, but who knows. I just love it when I can go that far back. I admit, it's really hard to come back up once you go that far down, though. So, at this point I may go for a run or two and do some hip looseners, but my Yoga is done until Monday night next week during our first class. I will be rested prior to my 99 classes in 9 weeks.
So this is my schedule (and NOW my teachers are suddenly offering to work with me more!! GAH! Couldn't this have happened 2 months ago when I really needed it?!)
Wednesday: Bowling/Skating/Goodbye to OTO friends
Thursday: Barry flies in, he'll be here around 3PM.
Friday: Drive my car out to Mom and Dad's on the way to Leavenworth, stay the night in Leavenworth with Barry and Jimmers.
Saturday: Leavenworth part of the day, drive home
Sunday: 9AM Flight to LA, baybee. (Oh my gods.!)
4 days. Just 4 days. I am glad our moments of tension will be over now, because I have to enjoy Jim before we're apart for longer than we've been apart in the last 5 years. Sometimes I also get giddy about the fact that next April we'll be celebrating 6 years. In spite of his slow paying antics and his messy laundry nature - I'm still madly in love with him and would love to squeeze him about 80% of the time I see his face. Sounds weird, no? He's just got the cutest smile and brightest spirit that I could wish for in a house mate and domestic partner and one day husband. Speaking of which... my boss always talks about how I need a husband. Dude, Chris. It's not me, it's him. I'm not asking a guy to marry me. No way, no how. He does the asking. This is one place that I'll be traditional, damnit.
But I think the boss man also likes Jim for reasons like: they're both military men. Ah, but my boss doesn't know how unorthodox I really am...and of course, because I really care about what my boss thinks *eye ball roll*.
Did I mention I'm man-crazy? I shifted from boy-crazy to man-crazy in the last decade. And let me tell you - it's GLORIOUS to be me.
And back to the Jim aspect... we have an AWESOME relationship. I truly am stoked to be sharing my life with him. From his haircut, to his showering habits to his crazy impressions, to his mental brilliance, to his political stance, to his bravery and balls he has displayed in the past and also every day at work - he is a real man. A million little things about him just turn me into jello if I sit and think about them. So while this post has talked about our struggles with me getting him to be present to our bank account - this is just one little thing that had to come up before I could relax and spend my last time with him. He's human and I accept him for those humanness weaknesses. It's not like I'm perfect. His emotional intelligence is off the charts....... oh yeah, did I mention a man with good writing skills is VERY SEXY? That's him. Very good writer.
With all that. We're all just human. That's it!
And with that, I should go back to bed.
I am just happy to have that footlocker in the mail. Hard to be separate from my blender, I gotta admit. ;)
-Angela