Lughnasadh style
In good old Lughnasadh style - serious issues arise, and will actualize one way or the other for the moment, on August 5th. Let me explain.
I’m going to make this brief, because I have read back through my livejournal and whenever I opt for a brief summary rather than skipping to go back - it is more likely I never go back and brief is better than null.
Knowing full well of how things could be dating and falling for a soldier, I’ve already put a lot of thought into some key issues. And I know it’s insanity to have made some decisions before I even went there. Yet - being who I am, this is just what I’ve done. It’s still early on, and even earlier on, did I decide if I am dating Jim and he gets called back to do another tour of Iraq… that I’d be the sort of person to wait for him while he was gone.
And I mean monogamously. I remember some of my office friends making comments earlier on even, that he would get sent back at some point. I found this a ridiculous reason to stop pursuing something I otherwise found… desirable. To give up on a soldier just because you have no Will to wait for someone - no matter what their personality is?
It just didn’t jive with my line of thinking. Those people need love every bit as much as some douchebag with no balls, back in the states, the same one that CAN be with his girlfriend all the time.
It isn’t that a soldier wouldn’t be there for his significant other.
It’s that their lives are put on hold.
This being said, Jim has heard tell of a new “list,” being created.
I am more worried about his ability to trust me while he is gone, than my own well being. I am confidant that I have plenty enough in my life to stay occupied for a year and to be faithful. I’m one stubborn son of a bitch.
Anyone who knows me can attest to the fact that if there is something I want badly enough, I will accomplish it.
This being said, Jim assured me, that “it would be alright.” I asked him twice.
“It’ll be alright?” and he said, “yes, it’ll be alright.”
I know previously this has come up and he said he didn’t know if he could do it again. A relationship while away.
I am not sure what he means by “everything being alright.”
I can only hope that he means he’d trust me. But then, I don’t read things into people and their words. Unless I hear it straight from their lips.
This being said, I’m pretty confident in us as a couple right now. I think it is most likely that if this issue came up - we could handle it.
That gut, instinctual feeling, deep inside. Deeper than the shallow, external fears that I know I harbor.
I’m human. I get scared too.
Especially since this is someone I feel really drawn to.
The connection is one I’ve come to really, REALLY like. In the kind of way that makes me want to hang onto the connection.
So, as folks say, this connection has the possibility to be put to the test really early on.
Would I rather that it happen later on? I’d rather know if the relationship has enough fiber to last earlier than later. Later 2, 5, or 10 years down the road.
A few months in? Well, I’d prefer if he is eventually sent over there, it be a few months down the road.
At the end of my last longer term relationship - I realized I wanted a man that would fight to make us work. Not a man looking for an out and not a man that would leave at the first sign of trouble.
If that happened - it would sure prove one way or the other our fiber as a couple.
I’d be happiest and so would he, if it did not come up.
I’d rather be prepared mentally than be overly optimistic, and so. I think on it.
I really get the feeling things will be okay.
No matter what.
August 5th is the day we find out who is on the list.
-Angela