negativity is what im all about these days
where can i start...it seems im going to vent everything negative icould possibly say right now so bucky your seat belts! lol...
if you actually ever talk to me you know how much i fucking hate mt juliet..thats like where i live? and its gotten to the point i have actually asked my parents to go to boarding school.to put mj in a shell it can only be described as a biased group of southern white baptist that are republican. the only thing icna realy relate to is the white part. im not biased i am one of themost open and accepting ppl you will meet..or thats what i like to think of myself as. im not republican in fact icant stand the fact that bush might get reelected and im not baptist. wow...seems like i shouldnt fit in right? but i do i guess. im considered part of the "in" crowd which is really just lame. i dont see why you should put labels on people because you cant really know a person by their label or group of ppl they hang out with.i hate the fact that i can sit and complain about people in mj talking about everyone and then everyone knowing everything about well..everyone? but yet i do the exact same thing. i catch myself usually but its always to late. i have already said something negative about someone else. and unfortunately most of the time its someone that has never really done anything to me or if they have im over it. so why do i do this? i guess its part of trying to fit in. i hate the fact that i want to fit in so bad i care about what everyone else says about me. pretty insecure eh? i dress the same,talk the same, act the same,and PRETEND to believe the same things as everyone else. i will admit occasionally i do speak my mind..actually i do alot and for that i must have people wanting to choke me. i cant stand some of the things people say and i know they feel the same way about me so w/e. i wish i could go back to like what...1st grade? and redo everything. if not that far at least to beginnign of 8th grade. i regret so much stuff.....i wish i hadnt gone out with kody..then we wouldnt hate each other...i wish i hadnt said a lot of stuff i have said to my freinds especially my best ones les and lauren. i wish taht i could go back to this summer and not of done all that crap wiht mason cuz not a day goes by i dont regret that decision andi hafta think about it..every single day it seems like because of al lthe jokes ppl make about those sorts of things. i would go back to church camp which is by far the best place on earth for me. its like my escape...i would go back there though..and take back alot of arguments i had with people and alot of things i said to them that i know hurt them. it kills me how you dont know the power of words til lthey come back to you. i would go back...and not of tried this hole thing with connor. i hate losing freinds he was one of my best freinds and then we started to like each other which was a mistake and when it didnt work out...well i feel like we cant even talk anymore. maybe theres just a lack of things to talk about..but i have it drilled into my head that its because of me. but w/e i guess my problems are my problems right? i miss connor i really do. i dont exactly miss him like in me liking him i miss him as bein a person i could talk to when things got bad..but now i cant so it sucks. i dont know who to trust now and that worries me. but w/e i guess thats enough for right now...even though its not all that is on my mind! thank you to everyone that has ever made me feel ebtter and sorry to anyone i have ever hurt...or said something that i should of taken back. i hope its not to late....
i love you all
molly
if you actually ever talk to me you know how much i fucking hate mt juliet..thats like where i live? and its gotten to the point i have actually asked my parents to go to boarding school.to put mj in a shell it can only be described as a biased group of southern white baptist that are republican. the only thing icna realy relate to is the white part. im not biased i am one of themost open and accepting ppl you will meet..or thats what i like to think of myself as. im not republican in fact icant stand the fact that bush might get reelected and im not baptist. wow...seems like i shouldnt fit in right? but i do i guess. im considered part of the "in" crowd which is really just lame. i dont see why you should put labels on people because you cant really know a person by their label or group of ppl they hang out with.i hate the fact that i can sit and complain about people in mj talking about everyone and then everyone knowing everything about well..everyone? but yet i do the exact same thing. i catch myself usually but its always to late. i have already said something negative about someone else. and unfortunately most of the time its someone that has never really done anything to me or if they have im over it. so why do i do this? i guess its part of trying to fit in. i hate the fact that i want to fit in so bad i care about what everyone else says about me. pretty insecure eh? i dress the same,talk the same, act the same,and PRETEND to believe the same things as everyone else. i will admit occasionally i do speak my mind..actually i do alot and for that i must have people wanting to choke me. i cant stand some of the things people say and i know they feel the same way about me so w/e. i wish i could go back to like what...1st grade? and redo everything. if not that far at least to beginnign of 8th grade. i regret so much stuff.....i wish i hadnt gone out with kody..then we wouldnt hate each other...i wish i hadnt said a lot of stuff i have said to my freinds especially my best ones les and lauren. i wish taht i could go back to this summer and not of done all that crap wiht mason cuz not a day goes by i dont regret that decision andi hafta think about it..every single day it seems like because of al lthe jokes ppl make about those sorts of things. i would go back to church camp which is by far the best place on earth for me. its like my escape...i would go back there though..and take back alot of arguments i had with people and alot of things i said to them that i know hurt them. it kills me how you dont know the power of words til lthey come back to you. i would go back...and not of tried this hole thing with connor. i hate losing freinds he was one of my best freinds and then we started to like each other which was a mistake and when it didnt work out...well i feel like we cant even talk anymore. maybe theres just a lack of things to talk about..but i have it drilled into my head that its because of me. but w/e i guess my problems are my problems right? i miss connor i really do. i dont exactly miss him like in me liking him i miss him as bein a person i could talk to when things got bad..but now i cant so it sucks. i dont know who to trust now and that worries me. but w/e i guess thats enough for right now...even though its not all that is on my mind! thank you to everyone that has ever made me feel ebtter and sorry to anyone i have ever hurt...or said something that i should of taken back. i hope its not to late....
i love you all
molly