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I made this in dedication to the Bella to my Jacob. It was originally supposed to just be about Jacob, but really, who is he without Bella?
girl from mars//ASH
Surging through the darkness over the moonlight strand,
Electricity in the air.
Twisting all through the night on the terrace,
Now that summer's here.
I know you are almost in love with me,
I can see it in your eyes.
Strange light shimmering over the sea tonight,
And it almost blows my mind
The sun is setting and even with the overcast sky and the smoke from the fire Jacob can see the outlines of gold and red and pink. Bella's head is pillowed over his shoulder and soda with ice long melted away is tucked in the curve of their bodies. He turns his head to point it out to Bella but she already looking at him, eyes dark and tired but he can see a thread of something there and that's enough to take any words from him. He wants to lean down and starts to but she turns away, eyes locked somewhere far beyond the sunset. That's alright, though. They have time.
beautiful//TRADING YESTERDAY
At night I dream that you were sent to me from heaven
My life, it seems so lonely here without your presence
You could change my everyday
And I could never think of love without your name
As you remain-
Beautiful- like the summer rain to wash away the winter stain
Beautiful- like the morning sun inviting the dawn to break
Beautiful- like the joy that comes when the love you've longed for has just begun
Beautiful- making everything brand new
Beautiful you
There's sand across the seat of his car, shuddering with every thump of the engine. It lays in a pattern that reminds him of Bella's hair. He looks away, out the window but the trees that pass by remind him of the new duties he has, the duties that keep him from her. A shuddering sigh and he pulls off the road and stares at the invisible line just ahead. He could cross it a thousand times because the Cullens are gone, aren't they? There's no need for territories or watches but he stays. If he crosses it and goes to her then the whole point is lost.
He just wished he knew what that point was.
brand new day//40 FOOT ECHO
Never thought I'd say "I'm sorry"
Never thought I'd be the one to bring you down
Now when I look out my window
But there doesn't seem to be anyone around
And I, I think I'll change my ways
So all your words get noticed
Tomorrow's a brand new day
Tomorrow's a new day
"Jacob?" she asks, manners forgotten as she flings herself at him. He breaths deeply, winding his own arms around her (much too thin, hasn't she been eating?) frame and counts the scents. He has to remember this because he promised himself it would be just this once and then he'd follow the rules. "Jake, where have you been?"
Here, he wants to answer. If you've been thinking about me as much as I have about you I've been here.
save yourself//SENSE FIELD
Turn out the light
Just say goodnight, to yourself
May I remind you
When you find you, you're all alone is when you've got to be strong
Cause that's when they call you, in the night
He's got your picture in his mind
He's got your number on a paper at his disposal anytime
There's a tearing sensation somewhere inside of his heart. He know that can't be right, though, because she took it with her. His heart is in her carry on as she follows the trail of Edward Cullen. The heavy scent of vampires is burnt into his nose and even when his eyes start to water (not tears, nottears) and his nose clogs up its there.
He won't forget hers, though. Not even if she stays away forever.
nightminds//MISSY HIGGINS
Just lay it all down. Put your face into my neck and let it fall out.
I know
I know
I know.
I knew before you got home.
This world you're in now,
It doesn't have to be alone,
I'll get there somehow, 'cos
I know I know I know
When, even springtime feels cold.
The hurtpainthrobbing of loosing someone. It's hard and sharp for Jacob, not like the gaping emptiness he knew Bella felt. He still knows, though. He could imagine and empathize but now it's there and just as real as he thought it would be. He wants to sleep but fears his dreams so he runs instead, exhaustion of his body muffling the stinging sensation just behind his eyes.
He doesn't even feel the transformation of boy (I could have been a man for her, I could have) to wolf.
if it were up to me//ROONEY
She doesn't have the answer yet
The answer yet
I'm breathing down her neck
Maybe I should give her time
If it were up to me
She would know that
She'll be the one
When I'm dead will use my bed
And she'll spend her life
Thinking of us and making a fuss
If it were up to me
She would know that
"Bella's back," Billy says, eyes too wise and mouth too harsh. "She came by. Wanted to see you."
Jacob nods, trying to distract himself from seeking out her scent in his home. It would be intermixed with the sweetness of death and Jacob can't see her right now. He'd do something rash like pick her up and lock her away. But that's not right.
He just doesn't want to give Cullen the satisfaction of knowing he won.
i'm yours//JASON MRAZ
I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours
No please, don't complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours
His promises ring in Bella's ears, but she doesn't want to acknowledge them. That's okay, just like it's okay that when he touches her his hands come away with the horrible smell that haunts his dreams. It's okay like it's okay that no matter how far into La Push he drags her that she is always there, with her leech. It's okay because he doesn't have the right to think it's not. She owns him, body and soul.
But it still hurts, but that's starting to be okay, too.
shut your eyes//SHOUT OUT LOUDS
Stay true
Don't give up
You're starting now so please stay off
What if I shout, shout, shout my name
You'll always remember my name
I want to know
Please say it is so
So shut, shut, shut your eyes
It sounds so good right now
And it came as a big surprise
The wedding invitation was still on the floor of the living room when Jacob pushes open the door. He listened, one foot inside and his hands gripping the door frame tightly enough that the only sound was its creaking. He managed to stumble far enough in to collide with the couch and it was only seconds before exhaustion won out with gut wrenching fear.
He didn't dream of Bella. Only of white lace and claws and leaves buried under snow.
with me//SUM 41
Thoughts read are spoken, forever in doubt.
And pieces of memories fall to the ground.
I know what i did and so, I won't let this go.
Cause it's true, I am nothing without you.
All the streets, where I walked alone,
With nowhere to go.
Have come to an end.
Jacob can't count the days since he last saw Bella and that shames him. He should be able to, because he loved (loves, he loves her because he promised no matter what) her and that's what matters. It's the only thing that matters. There are a thousand things that don't and he can list them off quickly and without hesitation.
So if he thinks about her enough, perhaps it won't matter that he doesn't mark the days on a calendar. Maybe she is doing it for him.
foolish games//JEWEL
Then you stood in my doorway, with nothing to say
Besides some comment on the weather
Well in case you failed to notice, in case you failed to see
This is my heart bleeding before you, this is me down on my knees
These foolish games are tearing me apart
Your thoughtless words are breaking my heart
You're breaking my heart
She came midday, shirt tucked in and heels on her feet looking more like a lawyer or a model than Bella Swan.
But no, Bella Swan is dead, buried in a wedding dress that Jacob never saw and this Bella, Bella Cullen, smells horrible and wonderful and god the dull pain has been replaced by knives and bullets and teeth (fangs, he can see them glistening in her empty smile) and all he wants is to touch her.
"Hey, Jake. Can I come in?" He doesn't need to nod because she's already heading for his couch.
sand//DAMIAN RICE
You keep me in a glass jar sealed with a label
You think you know my world
Wake up young girl, you've got a lot to learn
My love, my life, my work, my time
I give them all to you
Your hand in mine we walk, we talk in rhyme
We go the whole night through
"Marry me."
"No, Jake. Stop asking." She laughs and it isn't as empty as yesterdays. "Besides, I am married."
"No you're not. You're dead." He feels bad reminding her, but she just keeps smiling up at him. They're naked, sheets twined around her because he always thinks she's cold.
"Alright. I'm dead. Doesn't change my answer." Her nails feel wonderful on his overheated abdomen.
"I can live enough for both of us." He's begging, but pride has never entered the equation of BellaandJacob. "But I can't live enough for you and Edward and Jacob." He doesn't flinch over that name anymore.
He won, the victory so much sweeter when she gives in. They're married a week after the divorce papers are finalized.
EDIT:
Here is the link to the file for downloading.
To hear the songs that don't have a download option, please click 'launch standalone player' and enjoy. I apologize for not being able to offer all the songs for download.
