Because you can't be happy all the time
I'm not exactly sure what is wrong with me. I think I give in too easily. I get upset, but I keep it inside and then I forget and everything's alright again. But the thing is - nothing's alright if I add up all the offenses. Any positives there were seem so small and irrelevant to the disappointments.
I have this feeling that I'm going to go through life in a shell where everything is good in the moment when I'm with other people or too busy to think. "Good, good, things are good," I hear myself say over and over again. And as soon as I'm alone, given time to think and reflect, the facade falls and I'm really left with nothing. There is no good or any progess towards something real. I'm back to where I started.
I always thought of myself as the type of person who can work well through problems. My number one research tool Google has the answer 99% of the time. However, the problem that I'm having right now is with myself and typing "What's wrong with me?" into the search engine doesn't bring up the greatest results. I'm at a loss. No fix-all solution, no experiment to try, nothing.
Perhaps the answer is to have my heart broken, to have my dreams dashed, to just start over. But the reality is this is who I am. Even if I do start over, I'll fall back into the same routine. "It's no problem, I can do it," "You do what you have to do," and the phrase that I hate to hear myself utter, "It is what it is."
"It is what it is" - the phrase to use when you have no true answer. How appropriate in a situation like this.
Enough of this rather bleak (for me at least) diatribe. I just needed to write and this is where my emotions led me. It's not a reflection on any current happenings in my life nor a truthful vision of what I see in my future.
Or at least that's what I'm telling myself to keep happy until the next time I'm alone and allowed to think.
I have this feeling that I'm going to go through life in a shell where everything is good in the moment when I'm with other people or too busy to think. "Good, good, things are good," I hear myself say over and over again. And as soon as I'm alone, given time to think and reflect, the facade falls and I'm really left with nothing. There is no good or any progess towards something real. I'm back to where I started.
I always thought of myself as the type of person who can work well through problems. My number one research tool Google has the answer 99% of the time. However, the problem that I'm having right now is with myself and typing "What's wrong with me?" into the search engine doesn't bring up the greatest results. I'm at a loss. No fix-all solution, no experiment to try, nothing.
Perhaps the answer is to have my heart broken, to have my dreams dashed, to just start over. But the reality is this is who I am. Even if I do start over, I'll fall back into the same routine. "It's no problem, I can do it," "You do what you have to do," and the phrase that I hate to hear myself utter, "It is what it is."
"It is what it is" - the phrase to use when you have no true answer. How appropriate in a situation like this.
Enough of this rather bleak (for me at least) diatribe. I just needed to write and this is where my emotions led me. It's not a reflection on any current happenings in my life nor a truthful vision of what I see in my future.
Or at least that's what I'm telling myself to keep happy until the next time I'm alone and allowed to think.