diabeetus
so.
few things stressing me out right now.
1. i didnt go to work yesterday because i didnt feel well, i have a minor cold and it was bad the other night, anyways. apparently yesterday night they let two more of my friends go, 2 more lay offs, so my friend nils thinks we might be up also. i am hoping it is because they never got their badges. i am really stressed about goin in to work tonight and getting laid off. it also really sucks about my friends getting laid off.
2. the other night after i came home from work my comp wasnt working. it was frozen at startup screen and nothing would work. i was this close to taking it to a shop, and i wouldve lots a ton of worthless money. thankfully though, i outwitted the machine and fixed it, hardware issues, i think for some reason parts of my motherboard got fried. so, i cant connect to the internet on my desktop until i get a new motherboard, so it seems to be, and thats a huge hassle.
3. lack of money in general. i am in huge, huge debt. i hardly make anything and i have to get gas everyweek, make credit card payments, and a car payment, and save for upcoming insurance. essentially, i dont have any leftover money when i calculate it, seemingly. i might even be short. i also dug into my moms money, she stashed some in my savings account, but i needed to use some for payments. so she doesnt know, shes 700 short there and i have to slowly put some back in, but i am hardly really making enough for anything. i need to get a second job, but its near impossible to find one right now, and in AZ. this coupled with the potential job loss, killing me.
4. my mom has had cancer for a few years now, and is doing fine on that end which is great. well the other day the doctor told her she has diabetes now. this sucks, but alot more than it should because SHES the one who has it. she is ridiculously dramatic, and i cant stand to hear, see, deal with her being upset normally, but when its this big, its, i cant handle it. i was just trying to help her with her blood testing apparatus, finger prick what not and she starts bawling, freaking out, over the finger poke. she had me do it for her cuz she was to afraid to do it herself. well, didnt get enough blood for the meter and she was freaking out and crying so much and it kills me, because i can do nothing, not a god damn thing to calm her down. and it kills me too, the negativity transfers. its like she doesnt understand, it isnt fatal, as long as she keeps an eye on it and goes to the doc. like i was trying to tell her its more of an annoyance if anything. but she cant handle the finger prick for some reason, she thinks its the most painful thing in the world, and the fact she has to do it everyday, crycrycry. and i cant do a damn thing to calm her. my grandma doesnt do shit either. my grandma doesnt know what to say to her, and ive said all i can, but its never enough. this just really sucks.
what i need, i need alot of money. sadly it sounds bad but its true. if i made it, what i want, music, then i could bail out my debt and bail out my parents debt, and take my mom on vacations and out for fun when shes down like this, i could take my grandma out when shes down, i could get my own place and bring the dog with, i wouldnt have to worry all the time about getting laid off. if i had that job, no more financial troubles for me, or for those i love, life would be stress free, on the levels i feel now at least.
am i being too dramatic, maybe so, maybe mom is getting to me. i just know that im not happy.
im gonna go buy a new mouse for my laptop, and maybe research some motherboards, go to the park maybe, maybe go to barnes and noble, maybe just go for a walk in the mall, idk. i need to get out this house and clear my head, somehow. and there is work tonight, im so worried.
wonder what ill do tomorrow also....gotta figure that one out.
few things stressing me out right now.
1. i didnt go to work yesterday because i didnt feel well, i have a minor cold and it was bad the other night, anyways. apparently yesterday night they let two more of my friends go, 2 more lay offs, so my friend nils thinks we might be up also. i am hoping it is because they never got their badges. i am really stressed about goin in to work tonight and getting laid off. it also really sucks about my friends getting laid off.
2. the other night after i came home from work my comp wasnt working. it was frozen at startup screen and nothing would work. i was this close to taking it to a shop, and i wouldve lots a ton of worthless money. thankfully though, i outwitted the machine and fixed it, hardware issues, i think for some reason parts of my motherboard got fried. so, i cant connect to the internet on my desktop until i get a new motherboard, so it seems to be, and thats a huge hassle.
3. lack of money in general. i am in huge, huge debt. i hardly make anything and i have to get gas everyweek, make credit card payments, and a car payment, and save for upcoming insurance. essentially, i dont have any leftover money when i calculate it, seemingly. i might even be short. i also dug into my moms money, she stashed some in my savings account, but i needed to use some for payments. so she doesnt know, shes 700 short there and i have to slowly put some back in, but i am hardly really making enough for anything. i need to get a second job, but its near impossible to find one right now, and in AZ. this coupled with the potential job loss, killing me.
4. my mom has had cancer for a few years now, and is doing fine on that end which is great. well the other day the doctor told her she has diabetes now. this sucks, but alot more than it should because SHES the one who has it. she is ridiculously dramatic, and i cant stand to hear, see, deal with her being upset normally, but when its this big, its, i cant handle it. i was just trying to help her with her blood testing apparatus, finger prick what not and she starts bawling, freaking out, over the finger poke. she had me do it for her cuz she was to afraid to do it herself. well, didnt get enough blood for the meter and she was freaking out and crying so much and it kills me, because i can do nothing, not a god damn thing to calm her down. and it kills me too, the negativity transfers. its like she doesnt understand, it isnt fatal, as long as she keeps an eye on it and goes to the doc. like i was trying to tell her its more of an annoyance if anything. but she cant handle the finger prick for some reason, she thinks its the most painful thing in the world, and the fact she has to do it everyday, crycrycry. and i cant do a damn thing to calm her. my grandma doesnt do shit either. my grandma doesnt know what to say to her, and ive said all i can, but its never enough. this just really sucks.
what i need, i need alot of money. sadly it sounds bad but its true. if i made it, what i want, music, then i could bail out my debt and bail out my parents debt, and take my mom on vacations and out for fun when shes down like this, i could take my grandma out when shes down, i could get my own place and bring the dog with, i wouldnt have to worry all the time about getting laid off. if i had that job, no more financial troubles for me, or for those i love, life would be stress free, on the levels i feel now at least.
am i being too dramatic, maybe so, maybe mom is getting to me. i just know that im not happy.
im gonna go buy a new mouse for my laptop, and maybe research some motherboards, go to the park maybe, maybe go to barnes and noble, maybe just go for a walk in the mall, idk. i need to get out this house and clear my head, somehow. and there is work tonight, im so worried.
wonder what ill do tomorrow also....gotta figure that one out.