I love carpet. Thick shag carpet the absorbes dirt and hides stains
My dryer is the most pissed off piece of machinery that I have ever experienced. While its running it puts out this really high pitched squeal that I can hear even with my head phones in and turned up all the way. But other than that things are okay. I've been back in the boro for two days now and I've already done everything that is the least bit entertaining. I don't like going into little shops by myself because the owners always feel like they have to talk to you. I feel bad when I leave and don't by anything, they seem so desperate. I think thats why big corporations do so well, because human interaction is minimized, its not personal, so you don't feel bad when you talk about how shitty all their shitty shit is.
But really, other than going to a couple stores I haven't done anything. I'm kind of enjoying sitting in my room and listening to the same two or three albums over and over. By the way, I think Metric's new album was severely over looked this year. I've had some time to do some thinking and I'm feeling exceptionally creative, if only I could do something about my lack of motivation. It would be nice to be an actor and have it given to you. I've been working on my cooking and made the most bad ass pizza I've made yet. I wish I had a rolling pin and a oven stone, and I wish I knew the difference between baking soda and baking power. I was going to bake a cake today but got lazy.
I think tomorrow I'm going to go for a walk down the green way. I've got nothing else to distract me so if I do go do it I won't be distracted by anything. The truth is, I've been spending the last few weeks sitting around watching the wall paper on my computer change and the pictures are distracting. but they are just already lived moments that have been idealized through nostalgia. And they'll never live up to what you want them to be and you can't go back and make them right. And I think thats a terrible horrible thing because if I could I would change absolutely everything, or at least foot note them with a few sentences stating how they should have worked out. Because there are to many things I think should have happened differently, or should have lasted longer, long enough so that our joints got stiff and it was just more comfortable to stay the way we were rather than get up. Its just that, in some of those pictures, at least one, there are smiles that are much better than anything going on right now. That are better than what horoscopes predict and science attempts to explain.
But this works. I can do this. I can take care of myself. But pretty soon school is going to start and I'll have to start going to class. And I can do that. But then the students will get comfortable with the teachers and I'll have to listen to the thing that they think, the words that they string together out of their anemic vocabularies, and I'm not very good at that. And this is what will happen. I'll sit at my desk, or table, or on the floor, or what ever, and not talk to anyone and feel very uncomfortable the entire time pinching myself on the thigh. Which, incase you were wondering, is not the best way to meet people. Its all kind of self defeating and it gets me down if I think about it to much.
Grades are good. Currently doing okay cash wise but I gotta talk to the boss about getting more hours which would be great because I think playing with the kids is the best thing I got going for me right now. Next semesters classes should be pretty easy and I'll do well if I don't half ass it like I do everything I don't care about. Basically I just want something exciting to happen, something that makes me get that feeling you get after touching a door nob after dragging your feet across the carpet all over my body. I want to be absolutely covered in static electricity until my hair stands stiff and all my lost socks come back to me.
I wish I knew why I have to dwell on thing that I have no control over and are probably impossible anyway. Have you ever had someone ask you a question that they thought was asinine but actually was exactly what you were thinking in the middle part of your brain, not the back or the front the middle part were you want to think about it but you know you shouldn't, then you give them the answer they expect only to wish you'd given the real answer. Because here's my problem, I seem to only want the things that impossible, so I do my best to ignore their existence because I believe that if I talk about it it'll just make things worse. And I'm pretty sure I'm right. I'm just wonder if all the trouble that's caused, I wonder if it would change anything, and if it did, would it be worth it. Because more than anything I think I just want some sort of change. Just a small one, one that only I can see. Oh well, I've written to much and taken up to much space, which isn't that big a deal because no one reads these things anymore. Ok. bye.
But really, other than going to a couple stores I haven't done anything. I'm kind of enjoying sitting in my room and listening to the same two or three albums over and over. By the way, I think Metric's new album was severely over looked this year. I've had some time to do some thinking and I'm feeling exceptionally creative, if only I could do something about my lack of motivation. It would be nice to be an actor and have it given to you. I've been working on my cooking and made the most bad ass pizza I've made yet. I wish I had a rolling pin and a oven stone, and I wish I knew the difference between baking soda and baking power. I was going to bake a cake today but got lazy.
I think tomorrow I'm going to go for a walk down the green way. I've got nothing else to distract me so if I do go do it I won't be distracted by anything. The truth is, I've been spending the last few weeks sitting around watching the wall paper on my computer change and the pictures are distracting. but they are just already lived moments that have been idealized through nostalgia. And they'll never live up to what you want them to be and you can't go back and make them right. And I think thats a terrible horrible thing because if I could I would change absolutely everything, or at least foot note them with a few sentences stating how they should have worked out. Because there are to many things I think should have happened differently, or should have lasted longer, long enough so that our joints got stiff and it was just more comfortable to stay the way we were rather than get up. Its just that, in some of those pictures, at least one, there are smiles that are much better than anything going on right now. That are better than what horoscopes predict and science attempts to explain.
But this works. I can do this. I can take care of myself. But pretty soon school is going to start and I'll have to start going to class. And I can do that. But then the students will get comfortable with the teachers and I'll have to listen to the thing that they think, the words that they string together out of their anemic vocabularies, and I'm not very good at that. And this is what will happen. I'll sit at my desk, or table, or on the floor, or what ever, and not talk to anyone and feel very uncomfortable the entire time pinching myself on the thigh. Which, incase you were wondering, is not the best way to meet people. Its all kind of self defeating and it gets me down if I think about it to much.
Grades are good. Currently doing okay cash wise but I gotta talk to the boss about getting more hours which would be great because I think playing with the kids is the best thing I got going for me right now. Next semesters classes should be pretty easy and I'll do well if I don't half ass it like I do everything I don't care about. Basically I just want something exciting to happen, something that makes me get that feeling you get after touching a door nob after dragging your feet across the carpet all over my body. I want to be absolutely covered in static electricity until my hair stands stiff and all my lost socks come back to me.
I wish I knew why I have to dwell on thing that I have no control over and are probably impossible anyway. Have you ever had someone ask you a question that they thought was asinine but actually was exactly what you were thinking in the middle part of your brain, not the back or the front the middle part were you want to think about it but you know you shouldn't, then you give them the answer they expect only to wish you'd given the real answer. Because here's my problem, I seem to only want the things that impossible, so I do my best to ignore their existence because I believe that if I talk about it it'll just make things worse. And I'm pretty sure I'm right. I'm just wonder if all the trouble that's caused, I wonder if it would change anything, and if it did, would it be worth it. Because more than anything I think I just want some sort of change. Just a small one, one that only I can see. Oh well, I've written to much and taken up to much space, which isn't that big a deal because no one reads these things anymore. Ok. bye.