Day 68: Building a Better Spaghetti
Spaghetti, or as it’s known in the pre-K ‘hood, pasghetti, is a seemingly simple dish of meat, sauce, and noodle. It is a staple across kitchens not in only homes filled with small children, but also with bachelors in the hope of luring unsuspecting women into their hovel in the hopes of making small children.
Spaghetti is a rare dish in that it’s easy to make, but since it involves upward of two pots (!!!) it can fool people into thinking that it’s much more complicated than it really is. Plus with all the sauce, boiling water, and magma you can make a hell of a mess, a sure sign of damned good cooking.
I’ve served my time in the ‘sghetti trenches, both as swingin’ single broke college student, and slaving away in the kitchen to appease the tastes of a picky family that’s always had it better at some little hole in the wall that’s not around anymore.*
*if it’s so good, then how come it’s not around anymore? Huh? HUH?!?!?! Why isn’t it a thriving business with those wine bottle candles, huh?! Where are you going?!? LOOK AT ME!
Everyone’s got their own favorite way to cook it, so I won’t bother posting what I do, rather, here’s a few things I picked up that may help you as you climb to the top of Ol’ Smoky. Not the one in Tennessee. The one all covered with cheese.
First, let’s start with meat. Ground beef of any variety, ground round, chuck, sirloin, it’s all good. I prefer round and sirloin, but, hey, it’s your party, brown what you want to. A lot of people like to pick meat that’s 90/10, which is to say 90 parts meat to 10 parts fat to cut calories or somehow make this dish magically good for you. What you’re going to get is some dry meat, and a lackluster base for your sauce.
80/20’s better, but if you’re worried about fat and health then you should probably go boil a skinless chicken breast. Spaghetti’s a once in a while thing, so you may as well make it right and get all the flavor you can. Another thing I like to do is sneak in some ground pork, say 1 part ground pork for every 3 parts ground beef. You’ll get a nice taste, and a new texture with the meat sauce.* Two or three strips of sliced up bacon does the same thing. It’s all about building a base on which to set up your flavors.
*you’ll also want more than one meat in your meatballs. Ground pork is also great for this because the fat content keeps the meatballs from drying out
Second, garlic. Garlic, garlic, garlic. Know it; love it; put it in everything you make that involves red sauce. Mince (or get a garlic press) and put all those pieces and their juices (sweet, sweet juices) into the pan/pot. If you’re doing meatballs, put whole pieces into the oil as it heats up, not after. If you’re putting in a diced onion, the garlic goes in after the onion has softened a little bit. I freebase this stuff, so I put in a lot. Like, a disturbing amount of garlic.
Half because I love the taste and smell of garlic, and half to make myself immune to vampire attacks, making the food both delicious and formidable. That’s two birds with one stone, kids.
I add the minced garlic to the meat after it’s browned a bit, and then later, add garlic powder when the sauce is coming together and reducing.
If you’re an accomplished chef, or you have someone cooking with you, get some fresh herbs into the mix. If neither applies to your situation, (so therefore are me) then get dried herbs. Basil, oregano, and flat-leaf parsley are great, and they add a nice kick to whatever you’re cooking, but burnt herbs will ruin goddamn everything, even Christmas. Especially Christmas.
If you can handle a stove with more than two pots going (and one of those pots is water) then once the sauce is done and just needs to simmer, drop the heat, and add whatever fresh herbs you like. Stir enough so the leaves don’t find the bottom of the pan and burn. Otherwise, get a bottle of the dried stuff, and then save the fresh stuff for the last minute and/or plating.*
*as a general rule, your immediate family and the friends who have seen you throw up in someone’s lawn after a night at the bars and still talk to you, don’t care about plating. If you’re eating with someone you’d like to see naked, plate. Even if they don’t seem like they’d care. Plate.
Salt water for the pasta. One, it boils faster. Two, pasta water is the unsung hero and secret ingredient in a lot of Italian cooking. Salt bring out the flavor/juices in a lot of food. Take a tomato and slice it in half. Salt one half, and leave the other alone. The salted one is going to sweat like a sumbitch. Salt just brings more out of the pasta, and I don’t have a scientific explanation for any of that. What’s going to happen is, if your spaghetti sauce is a little too thick, or you have too much of one spice, add pasta water. It not only dilutes it somewhat, but it’s going to taste better than regular water, and I swear to God, it makes the sauce stick to the noodles better. As the noodles start to soften, ladle some of the water into a cup or a bowl, and just use whenever you need it.
The biggest mistake I see made with noodles (one that I have done numerous times) is you strain the noodles from the water, and then in the strainer you add olive oil and/or cold water. Don’t. Olive oil in this instance is a waste, and it makes the noodles slick, so no sauce sticks to the noodle. Cold water couldcstop the noodle from reaching that al dente status that is the goal every cook wants to achieve. Al dente means ‘to the tooth’ and basically it’s a magical limbo between soft and firm. The noodles should be soft, but need to have enough firmness that there’s a little give when you bite through it. If it doesn’t do that, it also makes the noodles sticky. Anyway, I stole this from every chef on Food Network, but get a pan on the stove and up to heat, add a little olive oil, then throw in some noodles with sauce, and just coat the noodles, don’t cook it. It’s an easy thing to do; it makes everything taste better, and will look good if you want to plate. Otherwise, take the covered noodles and put in a big bowl/serving dish to do it up family style.
Here’s what I have as my secret ingredients:
· Garlic Powder - a preference thing. I have to have that taste.
· Crushed Red Pepper Flakes - heat. I like that bite, but I don’t want spicy. Just a hint.
· Basil - some people prefer oregano or parsley, but I like more basil. I have it dried for the sauce and fresh for the dish
· Cans of Diced Tomatoes - I like the tomato chunks in the spaghetti, and the juice can add color, or thin it out if necessary. Maybe add the chunks, and reserve the juice if needed.
· Tomato paste - while the diced tomato juice or pasta water act as thinners, have this around as a thickener, just in case. Use a teaspoon at a time.
BONUS: Cheesy Garlic Bread That Hates Your Fucking Heart.
Ingredients
Loaf of bread
Butter, at least a whole stick
Garlic, minced or pressed.
Mozzarella Cheese, whole, not the pre-cut stuff.
A second cheese, the pre-cut stuff.
Pre-heat your oven to between 325 and 375 depending on your oven, and how you like your cheese.
Notes
For the bread, it’s a bit of blasphemy, but I prefer a nice loaf of French bread. When cooked, it stays a little chewy, and acts as a sponge to soak up all your sauce. If you want that crisp, triumphant crunch, get an Italian loaf.
I have a smallish bucket of a four Italian cheese blend from Sam’s Club called Casaro’s. Any shredded cheese will do, but don’t repeat mozzarella. Any chump can do mozzarella twice, and are you a chump? Hell, no. Shit, no. Those bags of Kraft shredded cheese work, and I believe they have an Italian blend bag, but you can just get crazy with the Parmesan cheese to get that second taste and texture.
Your Krogers, Marshes, Strack and Van Til’s, or wherevers should have Mozzarella cheese. None of the shredded stuff, find the ones that look like balls with knots at the top (if you’re lucky) or tiny little loaves of bread. If you frequent Sam’s Club, they come in twos there, and you will definitely kill one across two loaves of French bread if not both.
Steps
Mince or put the garlic through the press. You’ll want a lot. Prepare whatever you think a lot is, then do another 5 cloves.
Tear the bread into chunks, size is up to you, and then cut the chunks in half. Place them on a baking sheet, covered in aluminum foil.
Get a pot going, and add the stick of butter. Yes, the entire stick. Once it’s liquid, turn off the heat, throw in the garlic, and stir. Add immediately to the bread via spoon, ladle, or whatever you want to use. Add the second cheese to the top. You can be liberal with it, as it’s shredded, and will melt easily.
Cut off slices of the mozzarella cheese. The thickness is going to depend on a lot. If you want crispy bread and lots of gooey cheese thick cut it, and put it close to the burner. If you want it just melted on slightly toasted bread, use thinner slices in the middle on a lower heat. Play with it, and please, learn from my mistakes, the cheese will expand. So put a piece in the middle of the bread, and don’t worry about covering every inch with the mozzarella. You already did that with the second cheese.
Throw it in the oven, time will vary, so keep an eye on it, and remain vigilant.
There, now you too can create a dish guaranteed to please, and is also worshipped by high school kids going through an atheist phase who don’t understand the point of irony or jokes.
That was a lot fucking longer than I thought it’d be.
Matt