back to school(and so much more)

[italyrocks]

well where to start is the biggest problem i have right now with not updating for so long, not like anyoe really care what i have to say anyway. But school is bak up and going good. i started yestarday w/math at 8am which i have classes mondy through thursday at 8. so early but not my first choice of classes to take trust me, but when you dont pay on time apparently you lose classes and get to pik new ones before you get to go. that was fun. so my schedule is kinda crazy but but it'll work cuase im going to make it work and work well. this is the start of a whole new chapter of my life. i really am not gonna even think about the past anymore. because "i cant wait for you to catch up with me, and i cant live in the past and DROWN MYSELF in memories", just cant wont and dont want to anymore. the worst to ever happen to me is remembering cause that shit has literally brought me so far down even when i try so hard to pick up the pieces of this puzzle kwown as life again and again. so i m just going to move forward and no longer backwards. and im not goona wait at all for anyone or anything. i dont realy see the point of it. i know where i need to be and im getting there more surely than slowly. time has just been wasted and theres so much i want to do or be doing from the stupidest shit for myself i just happen to enjoy to the serious shit such as college and my job, my finances, my whole overal life. but i just cant waste anymore time, on things, people and places. i have my proirities and i have my dreams. i have my goals and i have my vision. for the first time in a long time, i am self medicated and self motivated. i realized i dont need people to have life go on and be great. nice to have sometimes but for the shit that can go down, never worth a day of knowing you. for so long i have just been hearing people moaning and groaning and bitching, especially in the program i just got out of. i mean people just dont realize the priviledges and blessings that are around them everywhere on an every singleday basis. you have a fridge right, full of food. you have a bed, a house, clean running water, a tiolet, a shower, clothes up the ass, money to do things, oppertunity to even be able to have a job, your not fighting this war, or in jail, or a dying of an uncurable disease. you have a car that alone is to me the biggest luxury in this world, never abuse it, ever. i know all that sounds so negative but people make all those wonderful great things negative. i mean how many times do we stop for just a second and realize all we rally do have in this life, in this beautiful wonderful country we live in. we are blessed. there many many people and families around this world that got it far worse than we migh ever know, and as for me my heart goes out to them. to those who have a father or husband, wife, mother, daughter, son, cousin, aunt uncle, or friends even fighting in iraq so valiantly. theres just no more time fo me especially to bitch moan wine, complin, get pissed off, brought down, and wasted feeling emotions and time on such petty stupid shit. shit does happen, bad shit does happen, and it sucks and yes of course everyone has that right to be upset and hurt or whatever. but im talking about the stupid petty shit people just cant seem to llok past and stop bitching. its my new pet peeve. im the frist one that will be a crying shoulder, but im gonna be the first one to tell you stop acting like a little fucking kid and get your head out of your ass and go do something to help sombody. yup thats right, i have really been evaluting my shit alot lately. i want change. i just dont want to be another statistic and i refuse to just go by life in the normal, or the routine, or whats supposed to be, or the mediocre life. no man thats not me or for me or what want for my life. im am not just wanting to get by. i have been doing that shit for years based on a simple hustle man. its just how it was. yeah i have made mistakes yeah i told my bullshit, yeah i have made a million excuses for evrything, yeah i have fucked up alot of great things i had going for me. but the diference is, why now? i have an oppurtunity to make something great of myself and in the long run through some patience, perserverance and a shit load of determination i can and will achieve all of my goals and dreams. tell me im not being realistic and to you i say what is realistic? my reality is i refuse to setle for less than what my potential can get me. i will not sit idly by and watch my life go down the drain because of what people, shit thats happend, situations and circumstances, nope not anymore. this life is yours, and my life is mine, its all in what you make it. and im telling you right now, i dont know about anybody else out there, but im riding this mother fucker til the wheels fall the fuck off. hell yeah. this is the only 70 years i got. ill be damned if i dont make the best of it for myself first and foremost. but to try my best to help sombody along my way. positive things is just what i want, and what i want to be doing from here on in. theres lready so much negative shit in this world. theres plenty of negative, down and out, depressed ass people, and there is no lack at all aon the stupid petty shit that just happens. so as for me and my life im just from now on gonna watch my emotions, watch my feelings and just be the best person i can be, and bring a message to anyone and everyone of peace love and happiness. why not? im a hippie man, its what were are all about. there just comes a point where if your around people enough and alot of them you just really can see how unhappy people are, or how fake and how negative. its almost sickening. and for what, why? thats where i am at a lost. there alot more to this life than a lot people ever seem to think, know and understand. in my generation and in the time of the world we are in, we have the possibility and the capability and the means to be, do, and have whatever we want to do, be or have. never forget that. yes to do some things in life it'll tke work, alot of it, it will take you stepping out of yourself and putting another form on to just be able to do. sometimes i feel i dont have the strength to do it, i dont thni k sometimes i can do this or that, or work harder or faster. but its when you fel like you cant, thats when you gotta look inside ourself, to find that inner strength, and pull that shit out of you, to not give up, not be a quitter, and to go at that shit head on and to know your gonna do it.

i have come way to far. i have been through so much. i walked to long and fought to hard, have gave to much of my blood sweat and tears, to just lie down and die now, to just stop and give up, say fuck it, i'll be a bum and a loser the rest of my life. no not fucking happening those of you who know me, and i do mean know me, you know that i know that anything i set my mind to do, i can do. anything i want i can have, anything at all in this whole world i can do, be, have, experience. the possibilities are endless. and my mind and my heart are not limited to anything. i have decided to take my own limits of, get rid of all my own boundaries. stop preventing my slef because of my words and or actions from achieving the greatness that i deserve and will die for. if the change needed to come from within more than from the outside, than so be it. if i dont like, or dont want to, to fucking bad dude. theres 2 options. put yourself aside and bust ass to get to where i need to be, or sit down and die. i thnik you know which of the two im heading for at full speed. no more stops, no breaks, not slowing down, not giving up, no quitting, no i cants, no more i dont want tos, no more procastination. its now or never, it literally is ride or die, so IM GONNA RIDE THIS MOTHER FUCKER TILL THE WHEELS FALL THE FUCK OFF.

wish me luck