I was looking through my old files...
And I found this: My sister wrote this before I left for college, when she was still in high school.
College is a journey- a far off land of sunshine and adventure and adults and lofty blue sky. It is wreathed in clouds and tall buildings, long paved roads and oceans of beautiful young people. It’s the place that I can never reach- it is untouchable and enchanted like a dream. When the people around you reach a certain age, they too, become beautiful and ascend to that far-off “college,” as if through a cloud… a cloud that you cannot pass through. Sisters, brothers, friends- they all get that dreamy misty look in their eyes, and you know then that they are gone. College has captured the heart and mind of yet another person. A person that you have grown with and lived with and shared every soft moment and painful second of your young life with, and whom you love and cannot bear to be stolen away.
The whole house is suddenly a swarm of energy and activity and friends dropping by, as she packs up all of the things that she loves and cannot bear to leave behind, and then you are forgotten. The night before, you stand in her dark room and watch her sleep and gaze longingly at the luggage and boxes on the floor, and you envy them, because you cannot share with her those long exciting years of her life, and there is no room for you in those boxes, in that luggage. You want to take something precious from that pile of belongings, something that can anchor her here and that you can look at and be sure that she will come back for it- and maybe that thing is you, but you can never really be so confident. And in the morning, when it is still early and the sky is pearly and gray, the house is roused again, and then all the memories and belongings and her drift through your fingers like water. Then there are tears at the door, because she will miss you, but your tears come from your soul, because you are being broken in two… and you wonder why college is stealing your sister away.
And so she soars off towards her golden futures and her adventures, and leaves behind forever the past and childhood and walls and…you.
And you still wake up in the mornings, eager to see her sleepy face, and come home at night, comforted by the thought of her open ears and her warm heart. But all there is left is an empty shell of her room, and a dark place in your heart, for now she is already oceans away.
And then I started to cry because I missed how close we were.
I watched the video she made about our old house and stared at the last scene, which was just a photo of the bathroom floor between our rooms, where we used to talk for hours.
College is a journey- a far off land of sunshine and adventure and adults and lofty blue sky. It is wreathed in clouds and tall buildings, long paved roads and oceans of beautiful young people. It’s the place that I can never reach- it is untouchable and enchanted like a dream. When the people around you reach a certain age, they too, become beautiful and ascend to that far-off “college,” as if through a cloud… a cloud that you cannot pass through. Sisters, brothers, friends- they all get that dreamy misty look in their eyes, and you know then that they are gone. College has captured the heart and mind of yet another person. A person that you have grown with and lived with and shared every soft moment and painful second of your young life with, and whom you love and cannot bear to be stolen away.
The whole house is suddenly a swarm of energy and activity and friends dropping by, as she packs up all of the things that she loves and cannot bear to leave behind, and then you are forgotten. The night before, you stand in her dark room and watch her sleep and gaze longingly at the luggage and boxes on the floor, and you envy them, because you cannot share with her those long exciting years of her life, and there is no room for you in those boxes, in that luggage. You want to take something precious from that pile of belongings, something that can anchor her here and that you can look at and be sure that she will come back for it- and maybe that thing is you, but you can never really be so confident. And in the morning, when it is still early and the sky is pearly and gray, the house is roused again, and then all the memories and belongings and her drift through your fingers like water. Then there are tears at the door, because she will miss you, but your tears come from your soul, because you are being broken in two… and you wonder why college is stealing your sister away.
And so she soars off towards her golden futures and her adventures, and leaves behind forever the past and childhood and walls and…you.
And you still wake up in the mornings, eager to see her sleepy face, and come home at night, comforted by the thought of her open ears and her warm heart. But all there is left is an empty shell of her room, and a dark place in your heart, for now she is already oceans away.
And then I started to cry because I missed how close we were.
I watched the video she made about our old house and stared at the last scene, which was just a photo of the bathroom floor between our rooms, where we used to talk for hours.