from an opera wannabe in 13g
So the song goes like this...
After a very rough weekend family-wise (this was last weekend), my mom and I were talking. Something is up with me. It sank back into the nether-regions of my mind as of lately, but it's still been there. You can see this from my blogging action (but mwah ha ha to you MySpacers, I put the extremely important stuff on Livejournal). Nevertheless, my mother knows me almost as well as I know myself and thus the convo began.
I go on a lot about how I feel something's missing when I'm not in a show. I can never explain what it is, or why...it gives me a purpose? A schedule? A different social outlet? Time to keep to myself? Something to fully invest my thoughts in? Well...my mom is the one who unknowingly knew the answer. It's passion, my friends. Passion. I am an extremely passionate person. I've always been this way. I pour myself out. Whether it's with a person or something else, I'm pretty freaking passionate. All my mom said to me was "You've always been an excessively passionate person, your entire life. Right now you're really missing something. I know it. You're just like me. Find the passion." And that was it. So simple. So true.
This goes hand in hand with my problem earlier. When I feel like I could just break through the ceiling, when there's something in me I can't get out. My anxiousness. Or anxiety if you really want to be by-the-book. I neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed to express the passion. Being in a show isn't the only way I am passionate, trust me, but it explains a lot. When I'm in something I give it my whole being. I just 'do'. Performance-wise, there's nothing exciting me lately. Festive Singers is money, but I've just been practicing the music all the time and waiting for the gigs. I love that my mom saw it so clearly though. She just furrowed her brow and told me straight-on that I was not in a good place lately. The woman can be crazy, but sometimes she just hits it on the head in the best and truest of ways.
So there you have it. This is why I feel like I'm about to explode way too often lately. This is why I can't pinpoint what's wrong. This is why people and situations frustrate me. This is why I feel like I can't talk or get it out when I'm feeling depressed. I freaking need the passion, people.