I still don't know what happened. And two years gone from my head just like that? It's a little scary. What if I lose more than that? I didn't even realize when I lost the first part.
I'm listening now. I don't want to frustrate you more when I've already caused so much trouble.
Re: [screened]tomatomatonioJuly 24 2011, 13:57:05 UTC
I...understand.
I'm sorry I can't be the me that you knew. I know...you loved me, right? I don't want to put you through unnecessary pain. I'm really sorry. I really really am.
IT IS NOW ACTION!tomatomatonioJuly 30 2011, 12:37:32 UTC
Antonio stared at the screen for a moment.
No.
After more than a week of putting up with sad faces and people insisting that he was forgetting things and trying to fucking catch up with the two year gap in his memory, he was not going to just roll over and accept rejection from the Italian.
Giving himself the space of about five seconds to change his mind, he quickly strode through the mansion, navigating his way to Lovino's room. He tried the knob, and upon finding it locked, he pounded on the door.
Lovino's response was to try and throw his pillow at the door. It fell short and- after realising he'd just sacrificed his newfound source of comfort- got up to retrieve it.
And for reasons he would never admit to (read: unshakable need to see a certain Spaniard despite denial) moved to open the door.
Clicking the lock Lovino pulled the door slightly ajar, eyeing Antonio with unnatural distrust. "What do you want?"
"We need to talk," he repeated, pushing the door open. He wouldn't give him room to argue.
"About all of this. About you telling me to screw off after you give me one fucking week to sort out where two years of memory suddenly went. One fucking week!"
He had lost a lot of his ability to keep his temper in check, and Lovi had lost the cushion he had always had where anger management was concerned.
"If that is all I meant to you, I wanna hear it from your own mouth. Not through a shitty internet connection."
;A; Lovi is terrifieditalian_honourJuly 30 2011, 13:15:57 UTC
If Lovino Vargas ever, ever had a reason to be scared...it was right now. Antonio had never yelled at him before, never swore, and the full force of the Spaniard's frustration had knocked down whatever defensive wall he'd dedicated so much time to building up between them. To protecting his own mental state.
As the door against him caused the Italian to stumble back, it made him realise just how much of Antonio he really had lost.
He was on his own.
"A-and what the hell do you think I'm meant to do!? If you can't remember anything, you think it's my place to keep trying for something that means nothing to you? To force something on you?" He threw his arms out, up, and then at Antonio as if they had a mind of their own.
"I'm not giving you one fucking week. You have your whole damn life to work that one out. But between us, you ain't remembering shit. So go work out your life, and if you wanna come back? Fine. We can try again
( ... )
I WILL MAKE THINGS BETTER, I SWEARtomatomatonioJuly 30 2011, 13:27:26 UTC
"I have been trying to work out what the hell my life even fucking is!"
Antonio caught one of the arms wheeling around, yanking the Italian to a standstill.
"And from what I have gathered, when you still seemed to give a flying fuck about me, is that you are actually a major damn part of the life I was living. You think I'm going to remember anything living with my brother just because you feel like being a pussy? I'm not going to fucking give up so easily."
Lovino felt the grip tighten around his arm, and himself shake beneath it. He'd been trying for a whole damn week to be strong, but this man- this...inhabitant of his lover's body...had bulldozed through that strength in an instant. You're right. You're so god damn right.
You were my strength.
"I-..." Lovino swallowed, ashamed for the first time by the hot sting of tears down his cheek. "I don't know how much longer I can do this."
He wanted to yell. He wanted to pummel into this other man's chest and scream Italian profanities until his throat was sore. But the way Antonio spoke made him hesitate: they could try all they wanted, this was not his Spaniard.
I-I promise...tomatomatonioJuly 30 2011, 13:48:09 UTC
"Ah...I'm sorry."
With the hand that was free, he brushed away the tears streaming down Lovi's face. Antonio's anger cooled almost instantly as the other man broke the carefully maintained mask of indiference he had been tending all week. Still, he did not let off his grip, afraid he might lose his chance to start building anything between them if he did.
"Lovino," He found himself correcting, as his free hand traced a line up Antonio's outstretched arm. After a whole week of living by the nickname Antonio alone was permitted to call him by, it felt like a step backwards to make the amendment. However if the Spaniard was going to use it, he'd want it to be used because he loved him, not because Lovino wanted to pretend he did.
Without thinking Lovino's hand reached forward to map the contour of Antonio's jaw, eyes searching emerald orbs for conviction. Can we do this?
Whether Antonio willed it or not he leaned in and kissed him, the other's lips brushing against his own as he clung, sobbed and possessed all at once. And then grinned with mouth barely an inch from Antonio's.
"Well, there's a Spanish retard in there somewhere."
Something clicked somewhere, as lips were removed from his. And in an instant two years worth of memories flooded into place, overwhelming his senses entirely.
Losing control of his limbs, he collapsed forward, eyes wide as the forgotten information played through his brain like a video on impossibly fast forward. Meetings, courting, work, sex, meals, text messages. Emotional highs and lows. Feelings. Smells. Touches. All in the space of about five seconds.
And when the memories slowed from their dizzying speed, Antonio could see the tear tracks on Lovi's face. He was more surprised to feel them falling down his own.
;A; <3 Kiss of lifeitalian_honourJuly 30 2011, 14:41:40 UTC
Lovino stumbled back as Antonio's weight fell upon him. blinking in awe as emotion overwhelmed a man who had just been struggling in anger. "...what is it?"
Somewhere deep down inside a part of him whispered- knew, 'Something's changed'. But Lovino said nothing: he didn't believe in superstitions, and he certainly wasn't going to hope when all hope had been lost.
I'm really sorry.
Reply
If you'd just listened to me everything wouldn't be so god damn frustrating.
Reply
I'm listening now. I don't want to frustrate you more when I've already caused so much trouble.
Reply
Forget it.
Even if you memorize every little detail of the past two years, it's not gonna change one damn thing. So just forget it.
I'll talk to Afonso and you can move in with him.
Reply
I'm sorry I can't be the me that you knew. I know...you loved me, right? I don't want to put you through unnecessary pain. I'm really sorry. I really really am.
Reply
He had no doubt that the other could salvage his place back in society but....Antonio didn't love him.
And Lovino knew that constantly seeing the shell of a man he once knew- always treasured- would hurt him more than he could ever put into words.
***
It doesn't matter what we you were. It's clearly not coming back so, go reclaim your childcare job or something. Start all over again.
....
Benvenuti in America, you mindless Spanish fuckwit.
Reply
No.
After more than a week of putting up with sad faces and people insisting that he was forgetting things and trying to fucking catch up with the two year gap in his memory, he was not going to just roll over and accept rejection from the Italian.
Giving himself the space of about five seconds to change his mind, he quickly strode through the mansion, navigating his way to Lovino's room. He tried the knob, and upon finding it locked, he pounded on the door.
"I changed my mind. Open up. We have to talk."
Reply
And for reasons he would never admit to (read: unshakable need to see a certain Spaniard despite denial) moved to open the door.
Clicking the lock Lovino pulled the door slightly ajar, eyeing Antonio with unnatural distrust.
"What do you want?"
Reply
"About all of this. About you telling me to screw off after you give me one fucking week to sort out where two years of memory suddenly went. One fucking week!"
He had lost a lot of his ability to keep his temper in check, and Lovi had lost the cushion he had always had where anger management was concerned.
"If that is all I meant to you, I wanna hear it from your own mouth. Not through a shitty internet connection."
Reply
If Lovino Vargas ever, ever had a reason to be scared...it was right now.
Antonio had never yelled at him before, never swore, and the full force of the Spaniard's frustration had knocked down whatever defensive wall he'd dedicated so much time to building up between them.
To protecting his own mental state.
As the door against him caused the Italian to stumble back, it made him realise just how much of Antonio he really had lost.
He was on his own.
"A-and what the hell do you think I'm meant to do!? If you can't remember anything, you think it's my place to keep trying for something that means nothing to you? To force something on you?"
He threw his arms out, up, and then at Antonio as if they had a mind of their own.
"I'm not giving you one fucking week. You have your whole damn life to work that one out. But between us, you ain't remembering shit. So go work out your life, and if you wanna come back? Fine. We can try again ( ... )
Reply
Antonio caught one of the arms wheeling around, yanking the Italian to a standstill.
"And from what I have gathered, when you still seemed to give a flying fuck about me, is that you are actually a major damn part of the life I was living. You think I'm going to remember anything living with my brother just because you feel like being a pussy? I'm not going to fucking give up so easily."
He gave him a stern look, catching his breath.
"So don't give up on me either."
Reply
Lovino felt the grip tighten around his arm, and himself shake beneath it.
He'd been trying for a whole damn week to be strong, but this man- this...inhabitant of his lover's body...had bulldozed through that strength in an instant.
You're right. You're so god damn right.
You were my strength.
"I-..." Lovino swallowed, ashamed for the first time by the hot sting of tears down his cheek. "I don't know how much longer I can do this."
He wanted to yell. He wanted to pummel into this other man's chest and scream Italian profanities until his throat was sore.
But the way Antonio spoke made him hesitate: they could try all they wanted, this was not his Spaniard.
Reply
With the hand that was free, he brushed away the tears streaming down Lovi's face. Antonio's anger cooled almost instantly as the other man broke the carefully maintained mask of indiference he had been tending all week. Still, he did not let off his grip, afraid he might lose his chance to start building anything between them if he did.
"But don't give up, Lovi. Please."
Reply
"Lovino," He found himself correcting, as his free hand traced a line up Antonio's outstretched arm. After a whole week of living by the nickname Antonio alone was permitted to call him by, it felt like a step backwards to make the amendment. However if the Spaniard was going to use it, he'd want it to be used because he loved him, not because Lovino wanted to pretend he did.
Without thinking Lovino's hand reached forward to map the contour of Antonio's jaw, eyes searching emerald orbs for conviction.
Can we do this?
Whether Antonio willed it or not he leaned in and kissed him, the other's lips brushing against his own as he clung, sobbed and possessed all at once.
And then grinned with mouth barely an inch from Antonio's.
"Well, there's a Spanish retard in there somewhere."
Reply
Losing control of his limbs, he collapsed forward, eyes wide as the forgotten information played through his brain like a video on impossibly fast forward. Meetings, courting, work, sex, meals, text messages. Emotional highs and lows. Feelings. Smells. Touches. All in the space of about five seconds.
And when the memories slowed from their dizzying speed, Antonio could see the tear tracks on Lovi's face. He was more surprised to feel them falling down his own.
"Lovi...?"
Reply
Lovino stumbled back as Antonio's weight fell upon him. blinking in awe as emotion overwhelmed a man who had just been struggling in anger.
"...what is it?"
Somewhere deep down inside a part of him whispered- knew, 'Something's changed'. But Lovino said nothing: he didn't believe in superstitions, and he certainly wasn't going to hope when all hope had been lost.
Reply
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