Fuck roadtrips
*George sits in the cab of an 18-wheeler with a very butch lesbian*
God what is that smell!
It smells like a dirty sock was used to wipe a skunks' ass!
UGGHHHHHHH
*The reason George is sitting in this filthy cab was because when she found herself on the New Jersey Turnpike, she realized she had left her purse sitting in the bar*
One Day Earlier
God I hope Raph picked up my purse.
I need to find a phone.
*George walked for a mile when she found a convenience store. Payphone and all*
I can call Rube, he will can lend me some money to get outta here. SHIT! I don't know Rube's number, and it is in my cell phone which is also in my purse.
I don't know Roxy's number either. And there is no way I am calling Mason, he will have some stupid idea. SHIT!
DAISY!
*George dials Daisy's number, collect of course, but there is no answer after 20 rings*
SHIT!!!
Ok, who can I call???? Can't call Mom and Dad, they think I am dead. DOLORES!!
*George starts to call collect but realizes she will probably have to explain why she is in Jersey*
Fuck, what am I gonna say? "Hi Dolores, can you loan me some money so I can fly back home after a little girl opened a hole in a floor at a bar at the end of the universe and I fell out of the sky at the New Jersey Turnpike", I just don't see that going well.
"Mason it is."
*George dials collect and reaches Mason*
"Hello?"
"Mason, it's George."
"Hey there Georgie, what are y-"
"Just shut up and listen. I need you to wire me some money so I can come home."
"Home? Where are you?"
"New Jersey."
"How the fuck did you get to New Jersey?"
"Long story and I don't have time to explain, so can you wire me some money?"
"That will cost like $300. I don't have that much."
"Well how am I supposed to get home? I don't have my purse and all my shit is in there?"
"So how did you get to Jers-"
"Not now Mason, I need to get home!"
"Well i have a friend who commutes there sometimes, I could call and see if she'll be around your parts anytime soon."
"Fine, call me back at this number in 10 minutes."
*She hangs up*
God , I have to pee. I can just run over to the bathroom and be right back
Seven minutes later
*George comes out of the bathroom to see a man in his late thirties talking on the pay phone. She starts running toward him*
"Hey! HEY! Get off that phone!"
"....so i should be there in about half an hour.......Ya well potroast does sound good...."
"Hey!"
"I'm on the phone", he says, covering the mouth piece with his hand.
"I am waiting for a very important call!"
"Well this is a very important call as well"
*He turns back to the phone*
"Ya, no carrots is good...."
*George grabs the phone and slams it down.*
"HEY!", he shouts.
"FUCK OFF!"
"You are a crazy bitch!"
"Damn right! Now beat it!"
*The phone rings and George answers it before the first ring is even finished*
"Hello?"
"Ya, I got a you a ride."
"I love you so much, Mason!"
"I know you do. Now she will pick you up there in about an hour. Real nice girl. She is going to Chicago. You're on your own from there."
"I'll figure something out. Thank you so much Mason.
"Your welcome Georgie. See ya when you get home."
"Bye."
THANK. GOD.
An Hour Later
"Are you George", asked a nice big, butch truck driver.
"Yeah."
"I'm Susie, nice to meet you."
*Now Susie is about 45 but looks 60. She has very short, gray hair. She weighs about 150 lbs and smokes like a fucking chimney*
"Nice to meet you too."
"Come on, I am parked out here."
*George and Susie head outside to reveal a large 18-wheeler*
"You're parked behind the truck?", George asks tentatively.
"No, I am the ruck."
That's for sure.
"Oh."
"Well hop on in", she said in her manly voice.
*George climbs into the cab, seeing candy wrappers and soda cans all over the place. She brushes broken chips off her seat and sits down.*
"Nice ride", she says, with a nice fake smile.
"Thanks."
*They left and got on the freeway towards Chicago*
"So, how did you end up in New Jersey?"
Fuck fuck fuck!
"Me and my....boyfirend were here visiting and we got in a fight....and he left me in jersey."
"What a fucking bastard!"
"Tell me about it."
"You know what you should do?"
"What?"
"One night, when he's sleeping, you just sneak up on him and BAM!-"
*George jumped*
"-cut his dick right off!"
Oh my god, this woman is fucking psycho. Thanks a lot Mason.
"Ya, that's good idea."
"That's what I did?"
*George practically got whiplash form how fast she spun her neck to look at Psycho Susie*
"Oh?"
"Ya, my cheatin' bastard of a husband. Just cut it off one night."
"What happened?"
"He bled to death and I went to prison for 5 years."
"Oh."
"Severs him right."
"Sure does. Say, would you mind if I slept? I am really tired."
"Not at all sweety, you go right ahead. I'll wake you when we get there."
"Thanks."
*George rolled over toward the window. Definitely not sleeping*
She is gonna murder me in my sleep. I know it. I am going to fucking kill Mason!
Fifteen Hours Later
*George felt someone shaking her shoulder. She opened her eyes, not recognizing where she was*
"Hey, hey, we are almost there."
"Oh, good."
*George discreetly checked her body for a missing boob or something. All good*
*About twenty minutes later they pull up at a truck top near the highway*
"Thanks for the ride."
"No problem sweety. You take care now."
"You too."
*George walks over to the freeway and sticks out her thumb. That's when the cars started piling up. That's also when she looked over to see the woman with the kids she recognized from Milliways, and a man in a suit with red hair she didn't recognize*
"This just can't get any more weird."
God what is that smell!
It smells like a dirty sock was used to wipe a skunks' ass!
UGGHHHHHHH
*The reason George is sitting in this filthy cab was because when she found herself on the New Jersey Turnpike, she realized she had left her purse sitting in the bar*
One Day Earlier
God I hope Raph picked up my purse.
I need to find a phone.
*George walked for a mile when she found a convenience store. Payphone and all*
I can call Rube, he will can lend me some money to get outta here. SHIT! I don't know Rube's number, and it is in my cell phone which is also in my purse.
I don't know Roxy's number either. And there is no way I am calling Mason, he will have some stupid idea. SHIT!
DAISY!
*George dials Daisy's number, collect of course, but there is no answer after 20 rings*
SHIT!!!
Ok, who can I call???? Can't call Mom and Dad, they think I am dead. DOLORES!!
*George starts to call collect but realizes she will probably have to explain why she is in Jersey*
Fuck, what am I gonna say? "Hi Dolores, can you loan me some money so I can fly back home after a little girl opened a hole in a floor at a bar at the end of the universe and I fell out of the sky at the New Jersey Turnpike", I just don't see that going well.
"Mason it is."
*George dials collect and reaches Mason*
"Hello?"
"Mason, it's George."
"Hey there Georgie, what are y-"
"Just shut up and listen. I need you to wire me some money so I can come home."
"Home? Where are you?"
"New Jersey."
"How the fuck did you get to New Jersey?"
"Long story and I don't have time to explain, so can you wire me some money?"
"That will cost like $300. I don't have that much."
"Well how am I supposed to get home? I don't have my purse and all my shit is in there?"
"So how did you get to Jers-"
"Not now Mason, I need to get home!"
"Well i have a friend who commutes there sometimes, I could call and see if she'll be around your parts anytime soon."
"Fine, call me back at this number in 10 minutes."
*She hangs up*
God , I have to pee. I can just run over to the bathroom and be right back
Seven minutes later
*George comes out of the bathroom to see a man in his late thirties talking on the pay phone. She starts running toward him*
"Hey! HEY! Get off that phone!"
"....so i should be there in about half an hour.......Ya well potroast does sound good...."
"Hey!"
"I'm on the phone", he says, covering the mouth piece with his hand.
"I am waiting for a very important call!"
"Well this is a very important call as well"
*He turns back to the phone*
"Ya, no carrots is good...."
*George grabs the phone and slams it down.*
"HEY!", he shouts.
"FUCK OFF!"
"You are a crazy bitch!"
"Damn right! Now beat it!"
*The phone rings and George answers it before the first ring is even finished*
"Hello?"
"Ya, I got a you a ride."
"I love you so much, Mason!"
"I know you do. Now she will pick you up there in about an hour. Real nice girl. She is going to Chicago. You're on your own from there."
"I'll figure something out. Thank you so much Mason.
"Your welcome Georgie. See ya when you get home."
"Bye."
THANK. GOD.
An Hour Later
"Are you George", asked a nice big, butch truck driver.
"Yeah."
"I'm Susie, nice to meet you."
*Now Susie is about 45 but looks 60. She has very short, gray hair. She weighs about 150 lbs and smokes like a fucking chimney*
"Nice to meet you too."
"Come on, I am parked out here."
*George and Susie head outside to reveal a large 18-wheeler*
"You're parked behind the truck?", George asks tentatively.
"No, I am the ruck."
That's for sure.
"Oh."
"Well hop on in", she said in her manly voice.
*George climbs into the cab, seeing candy wrappers and soda cans all over the place. She brushes broken chips off her seat and sits down.*
"Nice ride", she says, with a nice fake smile.
"Thanks."
*They left and got on the freeway towards Chicago*
"So, how did you end up in New Jersey?"
Fuck fuck fuck!
"Me and my....boyfirend were here visiting and we got in a fight....and he left me in jersey."
"What a fucking bastard!"
"Tell me about it."
"You know what you should do?"
"What?"
"One night, when he's sleeping, you just sneak up on him and BAM!-"
*George jumped*
"-cut his dick right off!"
Oh my god, this woman is fucking psycho. Thanks a lot Mason.
"Ya, that's good idea."
"That's what I did?"
*George practically got whiplash form how fast she spun her neck to look at Psycho Susie*
"Oh?"
"Ya, my cheatin' bastard of a husband. Just cut it off one night."
"What happened?"
"He bled to death and I went to prison for 5 years."
"Oh."
"Severs him right."
"Sure does. Say, would you mind if I slept? I am really tired."
"Not at all sweety, you go right ahead. I'll wake you when we get there."
"Thanks."
*George rolled over toward the window. Definitely not sleeping*
She is gonna murder me in my sleep. I know it. I am going to fucking kill Mason!
Fifteen Hours Later
*George felt someone shaking her shoulder. She opened her eyes, not recognizing where she was*
"Hey, hey, we are almost there."
"Oh, good."
*George discreetly checked her body for a missing boob or something. All good*
*About twenty minutes later they pull up at a truck top near the highway*
"Thanks for the ride."
"No problem sweety. You take care now."
"You too."
*George walks over to the freeway and sticks out her thumb. That's when the cars started piling up. That's also when she looked over to see the woman with the kids she recognized from Milliways, and a man in a suit with red hair she didn't recognize*
"This just can't get any more weird."