Blame it on the Alcohol (2/4)

[itachi_4_ever]

Title: Blame it on the Alcohol
Rating: Teen/PG 13
Author: Itachi_4_ever / BelgianGleek
Artist: Joshiemae / Lizaye
Category: Slash
Genre(s): Canon (also AU in some aspects), friendship, romance, humour, angst
Pairing(s): Kurtofsky, very mild Brittana, a bit of pre-Klaine
Warnings: Strong language
Spoilers: everything up to the end of season 2
Word Count: 22.438
Summary: Kurt and Dave never expected that a drunk dial in the middle of the night could turn into so much more.
Author’s Note: First of all, I’d like to thank my artist (Joshiemae/Lizaye) because she made a very beautiful piece of art that fits the scene it’s a part of perfectly. Also, I don’t own anything; not the characters or the lyrics of the songs I used in this story. It’s my first long fanfiction, and I hope you guys will enjoy it. I sure enjoyed writing it ^^ Last but not least, I would like to thank Dearthursday, the mod of this Big Bang, for all the hard work she’s done, and for introducing me to the wonderful world of Big Bangs, because it’s the first one I’ve ever been in and it was an awesome and fulfilling experience! And now on to the story : )


CHAPTER 2

Kurt was still in his room typing away on his laptop when Dave entered.

“I hope you’re not expecting payment for that, cause face it, Fancy, you’re going to do those equations still waiting for you on your own.”

Looking up, Kurt smiled and giggled a bit. “I’m just proof-reading it, Ham-hock. And I might have added some details you seemed to have forgotten. I love Shakespeare, you can’t expect me to sit back and see you butcher a text that could be an excellent tribute to him.”

Dave stared at the screen of Kurt’s laptop, gaping when he saw the amount of words. “Some details? Looks more like you’re adding an entire novel to it. I had like 1900 words when your step mom came home, and now it’s over 3000!”

“Okay, I admit, I’m going a little over the top here.” Kurt answered blushing. “But it’s finished now, so...”

Dave laughed. “Thank God, I could totally see you going on for hours on end. 3000 words is going to make Castle see stars already - and without sniffing glue this time.”

Nodding thoughtfully, Kurt opened his own essay and Dave was glad that he’d somewhat prepared himself for a ridiculous amount of words because Kurt’s ‘essay’ looked like a freaking thesis.

“I got maximum score for this. I don’t think Ms Castle actually read through it entirely. In fact, she probably stopped reading after the first sentence and just gave me an A+ so she didn’t have to read it all.”

Dave was still gaping at the screen “No offence, dude, but I wouldn’t exactly be happy either to read through 5,500 words... No wonder she started flipping her shit when Berry handed hers in. Think it was about as lengthy as this.”

Kurt sniffed “Of course Rachel just had to imitate me again in her endeavour to be better than me in everything... If she wasn’t a walking fashion disaster, I would actually consider her hard competition.”

Soon, Carole called them upstairs for dinner. Kurt avidly talked about Shakespeare and defended himself saying it was his right as an admirer to write as much about him in an essay as he wanted. Castle hadn’t set a maximum limit anyway.  Then Kurt asked if Dave had something like that; an interest you loved but didn’t show too often.

“Hockey... I used to play it, but my dad was always going on about how he wanted to see me play football and get a scholarship. Z also gave me a hard time about it, so I quit the hockey team.”

Kurt frowned at that. “But if you love hockey, why don’t you just play it anymore?”

“If you hate football, why did you decide to play it for a week?” Dave shot right back at him with a smirk.

“Touché.” Kurt said, leaving it at that. It seemed they both had a very strong desire to please their dads.

The conversation continued on in an entirely different manner when Carole informed Kurt about the third Twilight movie being in theatres starting today.

“Oh, Gaga help me, my budget is going to weep if I go and see it more than three times again! But, oh, all the eye candy, I just can’t resist!” Kurt exclaimed, holding his hand to his heart making Carole chuckle.

Dave gaped at Kurt’s passionate outburst “You’ve got to be kidding me. Don’t tell me you’re one of those rabid Twilight fans!”

“Hey, I’ll have you know that I’m mostly just in it for the pretty. Pretty BOYS that is. Bella could even thrive from Rachel’s fashion advice. That girl has no style whatever.”

Kurt couldn’t help but complain. Nobody understood, but bad fashion really did make his eyes hurt. It was like being bound to a chair being forced to watch bad renditions of Wicked over and over again. A real nightmare.

“Dude, the fashion isn’t the point; the whole thing just SUCKS!” Dave pointed out, ignoring Kurt’s gaping mouth as he continued. “Vampire plot and all is cool - if overdone - but those chars have no real emotion or development whatsoever. Edward is the worst. Geeze, talk about freaking awkward. His pathetic indecision pissed me off! And eye candy... dude, if you want to see that, watch True Blood or even Vampire Diaries.”

“You watch Vampire Diaries?”

“No... only a couple of episodes, not my fault, Z forced me cause his girlfriend liked that shit and he didn’t want to sit through it alone. Same with sparkly Twilight. True blood too, but I actually liked that. Z wanted to be a smart-ass and thought that his girl loved all vampire series and movies... When he watched it together with her, convincing her that it was something she would like, he got a boner from it and she slapped him in the face.”

Kurt choked on his food making Dave laugh and Carole blush. “’Sides.” Dave continued “True Blood has a lot of hot guys and chicks too for that matter. What’s not to like about that?”

“I heard it was a porn series.” Carole said “Finn was talking about it a couple of weeks ago when Rachel was here. She made him promise her never to watch it.”

“No offense, but Hudson has no idea. It’s got sex, sure, but nothing explicit.”

The fact that Dave was blushing while he said that sure had Kurt and Carole wondering though, but Kurt was intrigued. He’d have to check it out. If it was less... extreme than porn - which he had tried to watch once - it would be ideal. And more hot guys to fawn over never hurt anyone.

So that’s how Dave and Kurt ended up in front of the laptop in Kurt’s basement room after doing the dishes. Normally, they were only going to watch one episode to give Kurt a taste of what it was like, but Kurt was so hooked that he couldn’t stop watching.

Seeing the shorter boy swoon over Eric and Jason was both amusing and annoying for Dave. Why couldn’t he swoon like that over him? Sure, he didn’t have the abs and was a lot broader, but who the fuck cares? It’s not like Dave was ugly; he totally knew he was a duke stud.

“Jason reminds me a bit of Finn...” Kurt piped up suddenly. “Minus the overly horny and oversexed bit at least. And that body... Helloooo new obsession!”

It made Dave snort “Aren’t you supposed to like guys that don’t remind you of your bro?”

“I was only referring to Finn and Jason’s mental capacity, but if you must know... I actually had a crush on Finn before we became brothers, and ew, that’s so disgusting to think about now.”

That was totally not what Dave wanted to hear. “You fall for guys like Hudson?” he asked, his tone of voice a lot less confident and firm suddenly.

“Trust me, I have no idea what came over me. I think it was just hormones. I don’t think I want a boyfriend that asks me ten times a day where the peanut butter is.”

“Ugh, takes me back to him always asking me about the whereabouts of his pants after a game in middle school. Can’t he write the place where he put it down or something?”

“He’d lose the paper, and then he’d bug me about both the paper AND the peanut butter. I think I prefer the lesser of those two evils”

Dave snorted, earning a glare from Kurt “Sucks to be you! But seriously... you had the hots for Hudson??? Thought you had better taste than that!”

“Let’s talk about your former crushes or boyfriends then. Oh, yes, right... you’re still in the closet. Silly me. That means you only have your own hand to compare.”

When the words had left his mouth, Kurt immediately wished he could take them back. Especially when Dave’s face crumpled in hurt and anger.

“Jeeze, fuck you, Fancy. I was only joking! Can’t you just not bash on me for like two days? I’ll be out of your hair after that.”

“That... That was uncalled for. I’m sorry Dave, but sometimes in my head you’re still ‘Karofsky’ and then the bitch in me takes over.”

Shrugging, Dave looked  a bit down at that. “Fair enough. You know, I really am-“ but Kurt stopped him with an exasperated sigh. “None of that again, Ham-hock. Since you’ve been here, you’ve done nothing but apologize. I’m not okay with what happened in the past, but I’m willing to put it behind me. Why can’t you?”

But the other boy still felt horrible for what he did and looked ready to start crying. Kurt saw that and took his hand softly in his. “Dave, you’re in pain; you don’t have to be. You don’t have to come out, you have to do that when you’re ready and not because some mouthy fashionable bitch tells you so. Just ignore him” He said chuckling. “But do listen to him when he says  that if he hears ‘sorry’ from your mouth one more time, he’s going to tie you to a chair and force you to watch his entire musical collection.”

Dave’s expression of horror was hilarious and Kurt pointed out that the big stack next to his TV wasn’t even half of it.

“ ‘S nice you know... to have someone to talk to about this shit.” Dave suddenly said, and Kurt smiled and squeezed his hand. “I know... Believe it or not, but contrary to what everyone else thinks, I’ve been in Narnia myself. Mercedes was the first person I came out to, after I hurt her feelings by saying I couldn’t date her because I was in love with Rachel.”

“Berry?!”

“Don’t even start!” Kurt said pointedly “Anyway, Mercedes is fabulous, so I couldn’t keep lying to her. If I’d been straight, I would have dated her. Nobody can handle my sass the way that she does. She said I should tell the kids in Glee... but I couldn’t. My dad didn’t even know either.”

“So when did you decide to... you know... come out?”

Kurt smiled “I was the best kicker the footballers had ever had, and in a few days time, I managed to make go-go dancers out of the entire team. It made me realise that I can do anything I want and be anything I want without having to feel ashamed of it.”

Those words made Dave’s chest clench. “Wish I could say that too.”

“You will, some day, and when that day comes, you’ll feel happier than you’ve ever been. Honestly, just focus now on the things you like; hockey, maths - even though I still have no idea how anyone can like that - football. And your coming-out moment will happen when it needs to.”

That was some pretty good advice, Dave thought. “Thanks. Far cry from what you and that dwarf did on the stairwell though.”

It was said bitterly, and Dave knew it, but seriously, anyone could have heard and then his life would have been over.

“That... was idiotic, and I honestly am sorry for that. I shouldn’t have listened to Blaine.”

Dave snorted. “Since when do you listen to anyone?”

Kurt sighed “He was the only other gay guy I met, David, give me some credit. I believed he was right and that we could help you. I also thought it was really sweet of him to come to my defense like that.”

“Right, cause of course you needed some fucked-up Disney prince to save you from the monster.”

Kurt eyes watered at those self-hating words. “You’re not a monster, David. It was childish of me to think you were. You’re actually an amazing guy. What I’ve seen of you in these two days - minus the drunk part although that was rather endearing admittedly - makes me want to know everything about you. I bet you have a lot of good qualities hidden away. And I will tell Blaine that we should never push you into a corner like that again.”

“Good, cause that douche sparkled so much it burned my eyes. He could easily fit into Twilight. Thought he was gonna blind me with that stupid white smile of his, or worse... break out and do a song about how wonderful it is to be as gay as a fucking rainbow.” He said, rolling his eyes.

It made Kurt hide his smirk unsuccessfully. “Oh, stop that. I admit what we did was thoughtless, but he’s not that bad. He meant well.”

“Yeah, sure... you just say that because he’s your perfect little boyfriend.”

Kurt frowned. “He isn’t... although it would be dreamy if he were. I have the sexual appeal of a baby penguin.”

“What?! Why’d you say that?” Dave asked confused.

“He said that my sexy faces looked like I was having gas pains... I think that says enough.”

Dave hated Blaine even more in that instant. And what the fuck? Sexy faces? God, he wanted to tell Kurt that the guy didn’t even have to try. He was sex on legs. Dave got boners all the time in school when he saw Kurt sashaying about. He couldn’t say that... but, he did have another way.

“Sparklepants or not, he’s a guy, Fancy, and guys are stupid and clueless. What’s the word you like to say? Neanderthals, yeah, see, we’re all  a bunch of Neanderthals, even Dappertyprep. I bet the guy hasn’t even noticed that you want him. ‘S not your fault. “

“It’s a basic thing, dude.” Dave said smirking at Kurt. “Take someone as smoking as Lopez; put her in front of a bunch of guys watching football or playing Halo... they’d tell her to fuck off.”

Kurt sniffed haughtily, but his eyes were shining with gratitude. “I’m a guy too... “ he mused “If you’re saying that I am a Neanderthal as well, I will listen to my Lady Gaga CDs on repeat all night long.”

It made Dave laugh “Chillax dude, there are exceptions to every rule.”

When they decided to go to bed at midnight, Kurt warned him that a rule at this house is to be up early. Dave teased Kurt about him having slept in that morning, and asked who the hell made that rule up in the weekends anyway? Kurt proudly said it was him. At first it was to annoy Finn, who always stayed up late and sometimes even kept him up with his stupid games, the other reason was health. The boys in this house needed rules to keep themselves healthy. No exceptions.

“You’re such a bossy bitch, Fancy.”

“I try.”

***

Next morning, Kurt didn’t keep his word to wake Dave up early. For some reason, he couldn’t bear to awaken the jock from his sleep, so he decided to make breakfast first. He met Carole in the kitchen and she apologized for having to go.

“I hope you don’t mind, sweetie, but I have to go to my sister’s today. You and Dave will be fine, won’t you? I’ll be back around 4.”

Kurt didn’t mind and was actually glad that Carole could have some time with her family. After all, raising two teenage boys probably wasn’t always easy.

Kurt went all out on breakfast, making it more of a brunch. He told himself that he just felt like doing that and not because he wanted to impress Dave. Although... he would really love a reaction like yesterday’s.

When Dave came down, he greeted Kurt with a crooked smile and Kurt didn’t know why, but he suddenly thought that was extremely sexy. Dave ate and praised Kurt’s breakfast, making him beam and start listing all the ingredients in his recopies.

“You know, just an omelette would have done, Kurt. You’re an amazing cook, no need to convince me of that.” Dave pointed out, and then helped Kurt with the dishes.

***

Once they were finished with everything and were sitting side by side on the big couch in the living room, Kurt didn’t know what to do or say. They couldn’t sit at home all day, could they? He’d considered taking Dave outside somewhere, anywhere, but he scratched that idea, because the jock probably didn’t want to be seen with him outside.

Dave surprised him however with a “Wanna hang out?”

“Usually I practice for hockey on Sunday’s... You like skating?”

Kurt was stunned and it showed on his face. Dave quickly said “It’s not like I’m asking you on a date, Hummel. Just ‘hanging out’, cause I’m sure you don’t want to be cooped up all day in this house with me, right. And, no offence, but I’m freaking bored.”

“I don’t skate... well... I can’t, honestly.” Kurt admitted, shaking his head. “The last time... I went with my mom and dad together. I never asked dad again after mom died. He asked me, but I always said no. I - it was a thing all three of us did; it wouldn’t be the same anymore.”

Kurt’s tone lightened after that. “And I simply am a catastrophe at best. Gay stereotype or not; that’s something that Kurt Hummel cannot do.”

That made Dave chuckle and he was sure that the fashionista was just being a drama queen again. “Dude, you can’t be that bad. It’s a piece of cake; don’t worry, I’ll teach ya!”

They left after an hour, and Dave was eyeing the bag Kurt had with him curiously. “ ‘S that you got with you, Hummel? A whole series of skin care shit.”

Kurt glared “Yes, but not as many as you think. No, this bag also holds my skates.”
After Dave’s frown, Kurt decided to elaborate. “They were calling to me from within the store. I had to have them, they were the most fabulous skates I’d ever seen! Their colour goes so well with my eyes and adds a whole new-“

“I get the point. Jeeze, start talking fashion with you, and you never stop. I’m a dude. Your girls or whatever they are would pay millions to listen to your fashion advice. I don’t; I have no freaking clue how someone can buy something they don’t even use!”

Kurt thought about that and smirked “I’m going to use them now, aren’t ? So I do believe that your pointless argument is invalid, my dearest David.”

Dave fervently hoped that Kurt couldn’t see what that endearment did to him. “Let’s go. Usually at this hour, there aren’t any people there, so we’d have dibs on the entire rink!”

Dave obviously loves hockey, Kurt thought, grinning. Dave’s eagerness was contagious.

***

At the hockey rink, Dave’s eyes widened comically when Kurt finally revealed his skates. “Those are girl skates, dude. You trying to be the sparkliest bitch on ice?”

“Naturally. I may be terrible at this, but at least I can still be fabulous while blundering. Remember this, David, you might thrive from it; every moment in life is an opportunity for fashion.”

Dave waved that away like it was nothing. You would never ever see him in sparkly baby blue skates that looked like they belonged on a famous figure skater. They suited Kurt perfectly though and it did bring out his eyes wonderfully.

“Ready to hit the ice, newbie?” Dave said smirking and laughed as Kurt shot an non-amused glare at him.

It can’t be that difficult... Kurt thought.

Oh how mistaken he was about half an hour later, clinging to the side as if it was his lifeline. Dave was circling the rink, always asking if he needed help every time he passed him, but Kurt was way too stubborn.

The jock had laughed when Kurt had fallen on his perfect bottom after only a couple of seconds on the ice, and now he was sulking. He was aware of that, but he didn’t care. That fall had hurt, damn it. His tailbone still felt sore.

The fact that Dave was a pro at everything, added even more salt to the wound. “I am fine! I don’t need your help. I just need to get the hang of this.” He snapped.

Dave stopped right next to Kurt, some ice flinging up and clinging to Kurt’s jeans and leaned on the side with his arm. “No offence, Fancy, but you’ve been trying to get the hang of it for half an hour already, and you moved like, exactly, 5 metres.” He tried to ignore the embarrassed blush that formed on Kurt’s cheeks.

“I said it before and I’ll say it again; I don’t need your help.”

“Suit yourself. Gonna race for a while, trying to pick up speed and see how fast I get.” And with that, he started off at a steady speed, going faster and faster whenever he passed Kurt.

Kurt was amazed and didn’t understand how the other teenager could go so fast without falling or losing balance. It was great to watch, but it also gave him an inferior feeling and he hated feeling inferior to anyone.

Hoping he wouldn’t come to regret it, he let go of the side and moved a bit towards the middle, inch per inch. Not exactly skating... more like walking. Or trying to anyway.

Even though Dave didn’t give any notice of it, he was watching Kurt the entire time, thinking ‘What the hell is he trying to prove now?’

And then it happened, Kurt lost his balance and started flailing his arms, trying to keep himself from falling. Frankly... it was hilarious. Dave moved towards the centre and circled around Kurt slowly.
“Still think you don’t need help?” Dave asked smugly. He saw Kurt’s face redden again, and it seemed like he was about to protest again, but then he yelped, nearly falling, and yelled “What are you doing just standing there! Help me!”

“What was that? Didn’t hear you.”

Oh Kurt was losing his patience fast. He pointed at Dave, face red and his mouth set in a frown that promised a full out bitch rant, but his skates slipped and he fell forward.

“DAVID!”

Dave took off even before he saw it happening and caught Kurt in his arms. “You know...” Dave started with a grin “This could have been avoided if you’d admitted you needed help.“

“Save it, you’re wrong! I - this was just a minor setback.”

“Fine, then you won’t mind if I-“ Before Dave could even finish that sentence or do something, Kurt yelped again, and jumped up, wrapping his arms around the jock’s neck and his legs around Dave’s waist. “Don’t you dare let me fall, David! I’ll kill you and before that, I’ll torture you, slowly and painfully, with things involving musicals, make-up and Rachel Berry.”




“Kinky.”

Kurt snorted and slapped him on the shoulder. “Stop that! You’re not funny!”

“I’m guessing I’m not gonna get you back down unless it’s on solid ground, right?” Dave asked. Not that he minded. Actually, even though the skates would cut like hell if he didn’t have all his body protectors on, he’d do anything to hold Kurt like this with his normal clothes on.

Since Kurt didn’t want to skate anymore, they decided to go bowling instead, and it was great. There was little chance of seeing any other jocks since they were out the whole weekend because of Z’s party, so that made it even better. But as much as Kurt sucked at skating, he was a damn talent at bowling.

Back home, Dave thanked Kurt and Carole for their hospitality and is about to leave. When Kurt opened the door, he was met by his father and Finn. Finn was his usual self and muttered. “Dude... I really did bump my  head too hard on that rock.”

Nobody reacted on  that comment, because Burt was at Dave’s throat instantly. “What the hell he’s doing here! How the heck did you get into my house!”

Dave tried to get words out, but he was unsuccessful. Carole and Kurt were both trying to calm Burt down by explaining everything to him. That didn’t placate Burt.

“You, get the hell out of my house, and if I see you even talk to my kid again, I’ll make you regret it. And you,” he continued, pointing at Kurt, “Downstairs, you’re grounded. What the hell were you thinking going out late at night just because some homophobe told you he had no place to stay? Thought you were smarter than that, Kurt!”

Kurt was frustrated that his dad didn’t understand “You don’t know him, dad. He’s done nothing wrong since he’s been here, ask Carole.”

Burt didn’t want to hear any of it. “Go to your room, Kurt, and you’re not leaving until I say so. You put yourself in danger; it could have been a trick, and you stupidly allowed yourself to walk right into it.”

Kurt opened his mouth to protest, but shut it again in frustration. “Whatever!” He exclaimed uncharacteristically and went down to the basement.

While going down, he could hear Finn ask “So... does that mean I’m grounded too?  Cause, well, we share the same room and all.”

Kurt wanted to roll his eyes, but didn’t have the energy  to do it.

He sat down on his bed and took his cell phone out of his pocket. He’d gotten a text.

‘You okay? Didn’t think your dad was gonna go nuts on you too’

‘I’m fine, David, really. Getting grounded isn’t the end of the world. It would have been worse if he’d taken away my tiara collection again, so I’ll live.’

‘Your tiara collection? Seriously, dude?’

‘Yes, I know, it was quite devastating TAT Never thought you’d have such sympathy for my loss.’

‘Fancy, shit, can’t even stop laughing right now XD’

‘How are you? I can imagine that my dad gave you quite a scare...’

‘only quite? Scared the shit out of me, yeah. Thought he was seconds away from pummelling my face : s’

Kurt winced in sympathy.

‘He wouldn’t do that, trust me, but he is good at intimidating people : p’

‘No shit’

A knock on his door came.

“Can I come in, kiddo?” came his father’s voice.

“Yeah...” he simply answered, putting his cell phone away. His dad came in and sat next to him on the bed.

“You know I love you, right?”

Kurt nodded wordlessly, and his father sighed.  “Look, I overreacted a bit, I know that now. Good thing I have Carole to point stuff like that out to me, but can you blame me? That guy threatened your life a couple of months ago. Did you expect me to say hi to him or bump fists with him or something? ”

Kurt shrugged “The plan was for him to go home before you two came back. I miscalculated.”

Burt shook his head. “Maybe this kid changed, I don’t know, but I’m still on edge with the thought that he’s been here in this house for the past two days. He could have done anything to you or Carole, Kurt, and I wouldn’t have been here to protect you.”

“But he didn’t.” Kurt insisted “And he has changed, dad. He’s never shown anyone the real him before. The person I’ve spent time with this whole weekend was the real Dave Karofsky, and not the homophobic mask that he shows the world.”

Burt nodded “Okay,  if you believe in the kid, then so will I. Your mother would be so proud of you. I am too, though I sometimes wish you weren’t so damn noble. You’re too good for this world, buddy.”

Kurt smiled with watery eyes. “Thanks dad.”

“But if he lays one finger on you, he’s going down. Deal?”

“Deal.” Kurt said, because he was absolutely sure that Dave wouldn’t return to his former ways.

***

Meanwhile Dave had explained everything to his parents and when they asked who he stayed with, he told them the truth. They were shocked and Dave insisted that he hadn’t done anything to Kurt.

When he’d gotten up to his room, he took his cell phone out and decided to text Kurt.

He was still amazed at the fact that Kurt Hummel had given him his number! This whole weekend had been surreal. He laughed at Kurt’s texts and laid down on his bed, just chilling, not even caring that it was school the next day because his essay was already finished thanks to Kurt.

After a while of no texts, he hadn’t expected any more until his phone alerted him to a new one.

‘Dad’s fine now. I’m still grounded, because I got out way past curfew, but he isn’t angry or disappointed anymore, and most importantly, you’re allowed to be in my presence now. That should please you ; )’

Dave laughed, thinking ‘that proud and conceited little minx!’

‘Thrilled, actually. Does that mean I can look at you when talking to you or should I keep my eyes down like a good little slave? .///.’

‘Don’t tempt me, ham-hock. Contrary to popular belief, I don’t have a God complex yet, but... with the right motivation, that could definitely change.’

Dave blushed and couldn’t help but ask what the right motivation would be.

“Do you really have to ask? Never let it be said that Kurt Hummel doesn’t like being worshipped.’

Dave wanted to ask what the other boy would think about Dave worshipping him for real, but decided against it.

‘You’re so conceited > >’

‘Not really, I just like to act as if I am.’

‘Whatever you say, Fancy. See ya’

It wasn’t like Dave really wanted to put an end to their conversation, but he had a lot of stuff to think about, and he’d have to go down for dinner soon anyway. His parents still weren’t sure about his version of the story, so there’d be a shitload of questions. Great way to spend dinner, he thought wryly.  So he needed a clear head for talking to his parents, and Kurt distracting him with his funny texting was not the way to go about that.

***

Kurt was actually a little bit disappointed that that was the end of their conversation. Who would have thought that he liked talking to Dave Karofsky of all people! Normally he only had such long texting sessions with Mercedes.

Speaking  of which! He dialled Mercedes’ number.

“Okay, Mercedes, you’ll never guess who spent the entire weekend with me!”

“Hello to you too, Boo.” She said “And hmm, let me guess, Blaine? Are you two an item now?”

Kurt laughed “No, it wasn’t Blaine, although I wish we would become an item... No, no, It’s much more shocking than that!”

Mercedes seemed to think about that. “More shocking than my man finally getting his sweetheart? No way!”

The fashionista hummed and his lips turned up in a smirk. “Fine, I’ll tell you. Best sit in a chair cause this news is going to knock you off your feet.”

“You’re so dramatic, Kurt, but come on, you better tell me fast, otherwise I’ll come over there and yank it out of you, white boy. A diva like me needs her daily gossip  like air.”

“Dave Karofsky.” He said and waited for her reaction. A couple of seconds after no sound, a loudly exclaimed “Heeeeeell to the no!” came through.

“Dave Karofsky?  The Dave Karofsky that chased you out of McKinley? That Dave Karofsky???”

“The one and only.”

“Are you outta yo mind??? You gotta tell me everything, Kurt. I’ll pay your telephone bill if I have to, but I need to hear it all!”

Kurt tells Mercedes about the drunk dial, leaving out the fact of Dave being a closeted gay. Just like Kurt had thought, she disapproved just as much as his father had. The only difference was that Mercedes voiced her opinion even more vehemently.

“Hold on Mercedes - no you’re not going to cut off his balls, because he didn’t do anything! That’s  what I’ve been trying to tell you the past hour! Listen, Dave was actually really sweet all weekend. No slurs, no shoves, no nothing.”

She seemed calm after that, and said she was gonna keep an eye on him anyway.

After that, he dialed Rachel.

“Rachel -“ Kurt started, but had to hold his phone away as Rachel immediately started a monologue about how she’d be honoured to help him become almost as good as her, and expressed the desire of singing another duet.

“No - No, Rachel, honestly, can’t you ever just shut your loud mouth for a couple of seconds and listen to other people for a change? I’m almost regretting calling you.” He said, and was satisfied that was enough to make her silent.

“I’m not calling to ask for musical advice or to prepare a fabulous duet with you -  I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I need your help.”