[closed log]

[fateshaped]

Who; Neji and Hinata
What; They kill some dead animals and have a funeral. And Neji's a jerk. Featuring Mr. Gilbertnisan.
When; Ermm... a few days ago.
Where; The Hyuuga Compound
Warnings; Their crack is the special crack, and apparently Neji gets douchier (stfu now it's a word) every time I play him so... *cackles*.

The compound's courtyard was a mess of dead body parts and flame. Somehow, the able-bodied Hyuuga (read: the Bunke) had managed to corral their undead family members to one of the more expendable parts of the compound, and it looked like a war zone. Of course, it only looked like a war zone because the clouds of smoke were thick and oily, and Neji had dirt in his eyes. Otherwise, it was just a mess---walls splattered with decaying body matter, tree trunks scorched from imprecise uses of katon variants. Neji hadn't had a hand in that, but at least part of the mess could be attributed to him.

At least he hadn't gotten any on him.

Picking a piece of imaginary lint from his white tunic, Neji stepped over the slumped body of one of his dead relatives (why did they flock here? It wasn't as if the clan wanted them anymore) and headed for the outdoor rouka to deposit his sandals and return inside. He remembered vaguely that he'd told Hinata he would come re-kill her dog...or goldfish, as the case may be. He'd delayed a bit, though, because a) he'd promptly forgotten after he'd promised to help her and b) she'd let his dead father into his bedroom--a nasty shock when he'd come back from the shower. It was a good thing that his father had already seen his...erm--because otherwise he would have gotten an eyeful.

Anyway.

He slipped off his shoes, ignored one of his cousin's protests about cleaning up his own messes, and headed down the hall to the main house. He turned a corner and found Hinata's room--oddly silent behind the closed door. "Hinata-sama," Neji said, rapping with one knuckle and waiting for the return rejoinder of braaains.

She watched with wide eyes as...okay, she didn't really understand how a fish could eat something solid like a gerbil. It didn't make the least kind of sense. They didn't have teeth, right? She clamped her hands over her mouth and tried to swallow the whimper just aching to escape.

She'd heard the noises through the open window, the grunts and the screams and the squish of body parts becoming just that, body parts, not a body. They frightened her, the noises, and she shook underneath the bed, keeping herself flat against the wall, with a kunai in her hands. The dog has on the bed, and she saw and smelt the blood from its jaws sinking through the mattress.

A footstep, two, and she wanted to scream. A dog and a fish she could barely bring herself to fight. A human? If he had been a live human, she might have done it. But something about the fact that they were dead, and they would be dead twice over...

The dog barked and went the door. The fish flopped a little, chewing, and the gerbil twitched one last time.

No answer. Neji frowned, wondering if Hinata had actually gotten over her love affair with the dust-bunnies under her bed long enough to take care of her apparent pet problem. But no--there was a bark from inside the room (brains in dog-speak?) and a slightly wet, sticky sound if he listened hard enough. Well. Engaging the Byakugan here would be of little use, so instead of wasting his time, Neji slid open the door and stepped aside as the zombie-dog made a sluggish run for him. It hit the paper wall behind him and crashed through, landing somewhere in the next room.

Neji sighed. Glancing inside the room to make sure there were no other potential enemies (only half a hamster and one very green fish), he turned and waited for the dog to come at him again. And waited. And waited some more. Nothing.

When he went to investigate, Neji found that it had impaled itself on a broken piece of wood. It was still alive, though--attempting to get up and come at him again. Neji looked around the room for something to bash its head in with (his feet were bare), and, coming upon a chair, dispatched the thing in one fell swoop. Then he made his way back to the bedroom, where Hinata was probably still hiding.

"Hinata-sama," he said again, voice tinged with a bit more annoyance this time, "you can come out now."

Hinata heard the noise, and the swift movements that a zombie would not be making. Oh. So Neji had remembered.

Gratitude swelled in her chest. She'd been sure that he would forget! She wriggled from the deep abyss that had become Under-her-bed Land, and her skin gained a nice, grey sheen from that little escapade.

By the way, it was a gerbil, not a hamster. Obviously.

"What about the fish? Oh, it was the worst one! Mr. Gilbertnichan, I can't believe he doesn't forgive me! I feel so guilty for forgetting about him. OH." She had known that Mrs. Largenincharge was getting devoured, but seeing her in such a half-eaten state did nothing for her mental stability.

That made....sixteen pets in ten years. Maybe she should just have a baby. Eventually, they would just feed themselves.

Finally having evolved out of the cocoon, she stood shakily, and then went for Neji, making as a little squeeing sound as she flew at him with her arms open.

Neji made a slight 'tch' noise, looking at the fish, which was flopping dumbly on the wooden floor. Hadn't he told her to step on it? What did she mean, the worst one? He considered just leaving it there and making her learn her own lessons about the fact that pets obviously weren't her thing, but the truth was---it looked kind of pathetic. And Neji had a thing about putting pathetic things out of their misery. At least that was what he told himself when his still-young conscience needed to be fed. It usually shut the thing up for at least a few minutes.

Ignoring Hinata, who was coming in rather fast for what Neji assumed was an attempted hug (she was obviously having a hard time reading the "DO NOT WANT" sign strung around his neck from that angle), Neji deftly avoided her arms and swooped down to grasp the fish's tail between two of his fingernails. He looked it over and wrinkled his nose, and threw it out the window and into the garden.

"You need a new hobby," he judged quickly, voice dry, "try gardening. Mr. Gilbertnichan will make a good fertilizer."

Neji wanted to ask her why she'd let his dead father into his bedroom. The fact that she'd already answered that question (and probably honestly, as well) was a moot point, and while Neji realized that his younger cousin had nothing to do with his father coming back from the dead--and therefore had no idea why--he had the urge to try and lay the subject to rest. Again. Dead things always were needing that, these days. Instead, though, he wiped his fingers on his pants and looked at Hinata blankly, wondering if she was going to try to hug him again.

Hinata stopped, and her lower lip quivered gently. She tried to remain strong. So what if he had saved her from a most untimely death? That didn't mean he really cared. It was probably all that Branch House nonsense that he was so caught up on. Nothing to do with her or him caring about her or the slight possibility of hugs.

She realized she was grey, and tried to rub off the dust fervently, blushing, embarrassed that she could never manage to look nice, for once. Always, there was something. Be it spinach in her teeth or dirt in her eye making it turn a bright pink, or she'd forgotten her shirt at home. Always.

"I tried that. Remember? I tried to grow that sunflower, and I gave it that special fertilizer that the salesman gave and Hanabi almost got eaten?

"And Mr. Gilbertnichan will make excellent fertilizer. Nonetheless. He was always an..." she sniffed loudly, but tried to wipe at her eyes quickly so that he wouldn't think she was a crybaby. "...AN OVERACHIEVER."

Neji tried to refrain from massaging his temples in front of her. It just made her feel stupid, and that wasn't his intention...most of the time. Sometimes, though, it was important that she realize just how ridiculous she was being but--in a time of crisis like this (or, what should have been a crisis), no one needed put-downs. He repeated that to himself over and over for a few minutes. And then he slapped his conscience in the face, because he really couldn't handle that sentimental shit right now.

"...Right," Neji said, pretending as if he recalled the incident. Thoughtfully, he pulled his handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to her, eyeing the dust she'd become acquainted with almost disdainfully. He brushed her off a bit and watched it float to the floor, collecting on the half of dead gerbil and making it look slightly less gruesome. The room was actually a mess now--the bed was bloody, the floor had been scratched up by the undead dog's toenails, and there was gunk and blood from Mr. Gilbertnichan in a slug-like trail all over the floorboards.

"You might want to stay in another room until someone can clean this up," he said impartially, sidestepping the emotional trap that was Mr. Gilbertnichan and his intelligence. Look, Niisan! Mr. Gilbertnichan's memory lasts for a whole seven seconds. Sometimes, Neji thought he was surrounded by stupid. But at least there was an intelligent goldfish out there to make him feel as if his life weren't completely wasted.

"Maybe stay with Hanabi-sama."

Hinata held the handkerchief awkwardly in her hand, and wondered if it would be too forward to sniff it. She decided that yes, it definitely would be, and it might cause Neji to leave for an extended period. And then her mother might come back.

Swallowing hard, she wiped at her face gently with the soon-to-be-less-white handkerchief, and only briefly concerned asking why he had a handkerchief to begin with.

Maybe what everyone said was true. Maybe Neji was OCD.

"I...I wouldn't want to...I can clean this up myself, it's okay. It's only blood." She tried to smile bravely, but instead she only smiled, kind of shyly, but mostly just smiled.

Immediately, her mind went to where she could find some cleaning substances. Some bleach, some rags, some hydrochloric acid to burn the blood off her sheets....

"Hanabi would be bothered. No, no, that wouldn't..." she started in a distracted voice, and then faded away.

Unexpectedly, she glanced up at Neji once more, her eyes concerned. "Neji, obsessive compulsive doesn't have to be forever."

Neji was trying to figure out what Hinata was smiling about when she dropped that bomb. He immediately had to fight off a twitch, which was threatening to become a full-blown aristocratic fit if he wasn't careful. Obsessive compulsive--hn. Wherever had she gotten that idea? Handkerchiefs didn’t mean that he was obsessive compulsive. Not rolling around under beds didn’t mean that he was obsessive compulsive. It meant that he had seasonal allergies. Neji abhorred the word obsessive in any way (that phase of his life was over, thank you), and Lee was the compulsive one. Or Naruto.

He sighed internally--tiredly.

"I am not obsessive compulsive," he stated firmly, controlling the twitch before it came to the surface. He glanced over the room once more (mostly at Hinata's bed which didn't look as if it could be salvaged) and then finally let his eyes rest on Hinata. Well, she didn't look like she was shaking any more, at least. It was probably save to assume that she wouldn't implode if he left.

"If that's all, Hinata-sama," Neji said, wondering if she would understand the hinting part in his voice that said I have better things to be doing right now than talking about psychological problems that I simply don't have. It was hard, though, predicting what Hinata would and would not pick up on. Sometimes she caught everything, sometimes she missed everything, and sometimes she made things up.

Like the OCD. Which he wasn't.

Hinata picked up flowers, and that was about it.

And she never made things up, thank you. That sunflower had really almost eaten Hanabi.

Well, she wasn't quite dense enough to miss that Neji wasn't exactly her bestest friend in the entire universe today. She stepped lightly to the window, where she glanced out at the flopping mess that was Mr. Gilbertnisan.

"Um. I...I would understand if you wouldn't want to, I mean, you didn't know him that well at all, and well, usually people don't for people they don't know, but there's no one else to ask since everyone else is so busy with the, is that an arm on the lawn?"

She'd been talking to the windowsill until that last bit, where she'd glanced up and spotted a lone arm in the middle of the nicely-mowed lawn. Aw, Neji's step-uncle had worked so hard on that...

Spinning around to avoid the gory sight, her eyes troubled and scared again, she hurried past the question she was afraid to ask. "Helpmeburymrgilbertnisan?"

He didn't look past her to the lawn. Yes, there was probably an arm there. Yes, it probably belonged to one of their dead relatives. Hinata really would have to get over this fear of zombies if she was going to function normally in society. Not like she did that anyway, but she was getting better. At least she didn't stutter anymore, that had been annoying. Neji cleared his throat, attention returning to the question at hand. Help her bury Mr. Gilbertnisan.

This time, Neji did go to the window. He looked over out into the garden, watched the fish flop morosely. Shouldn't they cut off its head or something? He didn't really feel like burying it because he'd been through this sort of ceremony before with Hinata's animals. They were not pleasant, and though he was sure Hinata found them touching, Neji always felt kind of strange. But then, he'd been an awkward four year old, so...

Whatever. It wasn't like he had something better to do, other than cleaning up the courtyard.

"I suppose," he said boredly, pushing his hands into his pockets and turning around to lead the way out into the yard. Avoiding the blood stains and goo on the floor was almost impossible for a few feet, and as they passed where the dog had crashed through the shouji, Neji surveyed the damage and amused himself by thinking that Hiashi would have to replace the entire set. It made him feel a bit better, and the day wasn't a total loss.

She had to agree; the stuttering had been a pain in the ass. Thank god for puberty, however late it developed.

Which had very little to do with anything, in reality, but Hinata liked to think that her stuttering had left her at the same time as her flat chest.

Hinata peeked at the remains of her old dog, and didn't really feel too bad about it. He'd bit her once. Okay, she she'd been trying to give him cough medicine, so what? He looked like he had a cold. It was the droopy ears that did it. Her mother had explain that he always looked like that.

"Stupid Rabbit. Tr--" She turned and saw that Neji was leaving her. Oh!

Hinata tried to not step on the debris left by her dead relatives, but that was basically impossible, so she decided she would simply need to wash her feet in a vat of acid afterward.

Maybe she should have gotten shoes...

"Sorry...Oh god, sorry. Sorry....So-Grandpa?! Oh...no...Grandma. Sorry..." It seemed right, to apologize for stepping all over dead people.

Outside, it seemed like the day was too nice to be the day zombies overran Konoha.

"I hope Mr. Gilbertnisan didn't....flop away. Or get eaten..."

"I don't think they eat their own kind," Neji said tersely, making his way through the yard until they came upon the flower bed outside Hinata's window. He hadn't bothered apologizing to anyone(thing) because he hadn't stepped on anything. And he didn't apologize to dead things--especially not twice dead things, which made sense to him. They were dead, they couldn't feel it. Meanwhile, Mr. Gilbertnisan was flopping around like one would expect a dead fish out of water to do. He glistened in the sun, but was pretty much exactly where Neji had thrown him.

"You should kill it again," he said, looking at the thing as if it were the least important fish in the history of all fish, "before you bury it." Did this thing even really deserve a funeral? Hinata had said it was an over achiever, but was it really? It didn't look particularly intelligent to Neji, but then, no one did. And this was a zombie, he reminded himself, suddenly thinking that perhaps he was coming down with the stupid that had seemingly infected the rest of the village.

No, that was impossible. He was still as smart as ever--people just tended to take on the characteristics of those around them. Temporarily. Besides, as long as he didn't act on the notions he got from those around him, things were fine.

Neji wiggled his toes in the grass. It really would have been a nice day, if the air hadn't smelled like zombies.

"Go ahead," he said to Hinata, thinking that she might need a nudge in the right direction.

She blinked down at Mr. Gilbertnisan (officially, he began life as Alfonso Escobar Gilbertnisan, but Hinata had decided that as a handful for such a small fish, even if he was constantly succeeding at jumping out of his fishbowl) and felt the tear flood her eyes. She hadn't cried when the zombies had come, and she hadn't cried when her mother had shown up, and she hadn't cried when she'd managed to lock her mother in the oven, but she cried over the stupid fish that hadn't liked her very much the first time around.

She wasn't quite sure why she was crying. Maybe because she'd managed to fudge up her second chance, and that was just too typical. Maybe because she knew that Mr. Gilbertnisan was probably happier dead. Hinata didn't know, and she knew she wasn't introspective enough to figure it out.

She stomped on Mr. Gilbertnisan hard, and something gooey came out of him. And he stopped moving.

There were fishguts between her toes. She felt it every time she wriggled her toes.

"He was...a good fish. And he wanted to get away. And this time I'm letting him."

As Hinata went about her business, Neji counted birds, as he often did when he was bored. He didn't count the dead ones.

And when Hinata had said her piece, he returned his eyes to the scene at hand and looked down at twice-dead Mr. Gilbertnisan. Well, what bits of the thing he could see that were squished out between Hinata's toes. He felt the slight urge to move away from the scene--he wasn't fond of fish entrails, especially when they were rotting, and he wasn't fond of sentimentality, either. But he supposed it was a nice gesture for Hinata to let go of something she'd never had instead of insisting on trapping it in a fish bowl until it died of starvation again. He told her so.

And then he put his hands back in his pockets and walked away without a word, having thoroughly lost interest. The sun was beginning to set, and the dull moans of braiins were dying down for the night (though that was perhaps his hearing going bad, because Neji was sure that the undead didn't sleep), and he was tired and wanted to take a shower again. Hopefully this time he wouldn't walk into his room and find something dead there, though he'd made sure to barricade his door better this time, and Hinata knew now not to let anyone in.

Besides, Neji didn't have any pets to come back and haunt him.

Though there were spiders. He'd have to scan the room before he went to sleep.